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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Because I didn't have a go at this woman?

211 replies

BupcakesandCunting · 08/09/2011 14:36

On the bus just with my 4 year old. He likes to sit on those "high-up" seats behind the driver's cabin because he can see out of the window properly. The bus was pretty much empty so he sat himself in one of these two seats and I sat in the first "normal" seat after his seat.

About four stops later, two women get on the bus. One is about sixty-five, the other looks slightly younger. The elder of the two sat on the other high up seat next to my son, then her friend said to him "Can I ask you to move onto another seat please?" He looked a bit startled but got up and moved... then promptly burst out crying (probably tired as first week at school!) He didn't know why the woman had made him move from his seat and it really upset him. I thought she might have acknowledged me since she made my son move from his seat for some reason that I can't work out (these seats aren't disabled seats or designated for other passengers and since the bus was empty, the two women could have still sat together, just on another pair of seats)

My boy cried all the way home, the lady sat behind me made eye contact with me and told me that I shouldn't have let her dictate to my son about seating. Blush DS has been asking why I let the lady be rude to him and why she was allowed to take his seat. I would use the paying child versus non-paying child argument but she had a bus pass, or the infirm and elderly argument (needing seat closer to door) but she was very able-bodied (had rambling clothes on and a huge rucksack)

Should I have stuck up for my son and let him stay sat there? He's really cross about it! He's not a brat btw, I would just imagine being sat staring out of a window minding your own then told to leave your seat is a bit weird when you're four!

OP posts:
takethisonehereforastart · 09/09/2011 13:34

People aren't falling over themselves to side with anyone.

But we can understand that a child can be upset by something that seems trivial to an adult.

For whatever reason that woman wanted or needed the seat, she got it, and neither Bupcakes nor her son said or did anything less than polite in return to her.

The riots are not something the majority of people in this country condone or support Siamo. Regardless of what the press reported, those people are a tiny minority which represented people of all cultures, nationalities and classes, and I am sure that many of those who took part and then pleaded a "moment of madness" were taught to give up seats on a bus.

Where do you live that you can sneer so confidently at us? There's no country in this world can cast the first stone at another without having some dark history to hang it's own head for.

SiamoFottuti · 09/09/2011 13:39

She wasn't in the wrong though, you are. Try to stop frothing about the injustice for long enough to be rational.

She asked him to move. Presumably she had a reason, you don't what, but I imagine she had one (or do you wander around doing everything for no reason at all?). Maybe mobility problems, perhaps other health problems, perhaps shes entirely bonkers and will cry if she can't have her favorite seat. Who cares why?

You respect older people, and do things like give them seats. Like you give seats to pregnant women, and hold doors for people and check on your elderly neighbours in the snow. You do these things if you have been raised properly and are a normal human being.
What you do not do is bleat on and on about how small children should get respect from old people, and debate for fuck knows how many pages about whether you should have told a pensioner to fuck off. Unless you're a bit of a twat anyway.
Were you people dragged up by wolves?

Rubyx · 09/09/2011 13:41

Doesn't it say it is for people with shopping etc.. I think those are rubbish for older people cos there is such a high step to get on them.

takethisonehereforastart · 09/09/2011 13:42

How is Bupcakes in the wrong?

Her son left the seat and she didn't challenge the woman. Exactly what you say should have happened, did happen.

How old are you Siamo? If you are younger than Bupcakes or any of the others on here that you disagree with you are going to have to apologise to us, accept that you are wrong and respect us as your elders you know Wink

SiamoFottuti · 09/09/2011 13:43
SiamoFottuti · 09/09/2011 13:45

I'm ancient. I probably was the women on the bus.

madamarcati · 09/09/2011 13:52

Surely higher seats are for less mobile people because they are easier to get up from?More room as well.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 09/09/2011 14:27

SiamoFottuti Where is this magical country you live in that has never had any trouble like rioters and looters?

Fontsnob · 09/09/2011 14:40

You respect older people, and do things like give them seats. Like you give seats to pregnant women, and hold doors for people and check on your elderly neighbours in the snow. You do these things if you have been raised properly and are a normal human being.

This i agree with wholeheartedly.

HerHissyness · 09/09/2011 14:48

"Which country was it was over-run by looters and rioters again?"

OVER RUN? FFS! Siamo get a grip! you are not here (thank goodness) so butt out till you know what you are talking about.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 09/09/2011 14:57

Siamo, I have a feeling you live in Italy . . pretty sure they have riots there.

Milsean · 09/09/2011 15:08

have to say I haven't seen any European country with rioting like in England recently.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 09/09/2011 15:10

Really? Not even France?

Milsean · 09/09/2011 15:15

in 2005? Not really the same thing, but plus ca change. Smile

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 09/09/2011 15:17

After a quick Google . . .

"A series of riots took place in July 2009 in France. On Bastille Day in the commune of Montreuil, a eastern suburb area of Paris, French youths set fire to 317 cars.[1] Thirteen police officers were injured . . ."

SuzanneJS · 09/09/2011 15:21

I would have thought with a name like bupcakesandcunting you would do what you wanted anyway whether the woman was in the right or not

Milsean · 09/09/2011 15:23

but they do it so much more stylishly there. No looting of poundland. And more of a political background too. Que pouvez-vous dire?

Floggingmolly · 09/09/2011 15:34

Why is siamo getting such a hard time? She's making far more sense than those demanding "respect" for a four year old, and an automatic prioritising of his wishes over an elderly lady's. Turned on it's head slightly, don't you think?

HerHissyness · 09/09/2011 15:45

Why? cos she's insulting the OP, insulting England and standing up for someone who, having almost the pick of the bus decided to unseat a 4yo.

It WAS rude to ask someone sat, anyone sat in a public bus, to move when there are other seats to sit on.

as I said, she asked a 4yo (politely enough), but I seriously doubt if this person would have asked any 14yo or a 24/34 or 44yo for that matter.

there was no need to disturb the status quo, none what so ever. The chairs the boy was sat on were not priority seating, there were others available.

What the woman did was needless. It was out of preference. She CHOSE to make a small boy move.

Milsean · 09/09/2011 15:55

you don't know that though. You're guessing. Wouldn't it be more sensible to give the auld one the benefit of the doubt and assume she had a reason, that maybe she didn't want to explain to a child? Seems odd to me not to.

takethisonehereforastart · 09/09/2011 16:06

What does Bupcakes name have to do with anything?

Siamo is getting about as hard a time as she is giving, and holding her own quite nicely. What she isn't doing is explaining why she thinks Bupcakes is in the wrong, when Bupcakes and her son did exactly as Siamo thinks they should have done, and she's not explaining why a child should give up a non-priority seat when the two woman had plenty of choice from the rest of the bus, just because they are older and felt like sitting there themselves.

And what's so wrong with believing that you teach respect by showing respect, rather than demanding it because of your age.

Manners are important. Siamo is actually quite right when she says that holding doors and offering seats are important. But most people teach their children to offer seats when all others are taken, which was not the case here. It is rather strange to feel that on a bus with plenty of other seats available, an older person who was fit and active and wearing rambling clothes etc, should still have the pick of the ones that are taken. It wasn't bad manners for Bupcakes to feel there was something odd about it or for her son to feel it was unfair.

All credit to both of them that the little boy did as he was asked and Bupcakes ignored the person who felt the need to comment on her not sticking up for him and concentrated on explaining to her son that he had not done anything wrong.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 09/09/2011 16:38

takethisonehereforastart hear hear!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 09/09/2011 16:39

Or "here here"?! Fuck, which one is it?!

mumwithdice · 09/09/2011 16:56

WhoseGotMyEyebrows complete pedant here. It's the first one. Hear hear

NessCathy · 09/09/2011 17:05

Old people can be funny. I was out out on a bike ride the other day and stopped off at a bench which was next to two other benches which were free. My bike was blocking half of the bench, whereas I used the other half.

An elderly gentleman came up and asked "Do you realise you're blocking half of the bench?" to which I could only reply "yes". Maybe it was his favourite bench

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