Because I didn't have a go at this woman?

[BupcakesandCunting]

On the bus just with my 4 year old. He likes to sit on those "high-up" seats behind the driver's cabin because he can see out of the window properly. The bus was pretty much empty so he sat himself in one of these two seats and I sat in the first "normal" seat after his seat.

About four stops later, two women get on the bus. One is about sixty-five, the other looks slightly younger. The elder of the two sat on the other high up seat next to my son, then her friend said to him "Can I ask you to move onto another seat please?" He looked a bit startled but got up and moved... then promptly burst out crying (probably tired as first week at school!) He didn't know why the woman had made him move from his seat and it really upset him. I thought she might have acknowledged me since she made my son move from his seat for some reason that I can't work out (these seats aren't disabled seats or designated for other passengers and since the bus was empty, the two women could have still sat together, just on another pair of seats)

My boy cried all the way home, the lady sat behind me made eye contact with me and told me that I shouldn't have let her dictate to my son about seating. DS has been asking why I let the lady be rude to him and why she was allowed to take his seat. I would use the paying child versus non-paying child argument but she had a bus pass, or the infirm and elderly argument (needing seat closer to door) but she was very able-bodied (had rambling clothes on and a huge rucksack)

Should I have stuck up for my son and let him stay sat there? He's really cross about it! He's not a brat btw, I would just imagine being sat staring out of a window minding your own then told to leave your seat is a bit weird when you're four!

"not having a go" i guess tired ... or is it other way round?

If I were being charitable, I might suggest that seat stealing lady has a hidden disability, or just didn't think to say 'would you mind moving so I can talk to my friend', which I imagine would have been more acceptable to your four year old - there being a reason, rather than him just having to move.

However, I'm 26, I have a medical condition which is not visible but causes me to prefer the priority seats on the bus and I am thoroughly sick and tired of elderly people who walk better than I do giving me the evil eye for daring to sit in them when the rest of the bus isn't even full, so I'm not in the mood to be charitable. If they asked, I'd stand up, because I don't fancy explaining my condition to a bus full of people. Not asking but glaring all the way home - that's rude. No charitableness from me today. grouches

Don't think not speaking up for your boy was unreasonable though. Consider it a lesson to him in not sweating the small stuff, maybe? (Something I need to get better at....)

Exactly bemy, i am thinking that most havent read the entire op, daft wallies

Dont most people offer their seats so that couples/friends sit together and chat? Many people have moved for me and i moved yesterday in the tube even so they were young and i'm old bag. Well, they got on the tube holding hands and me being soft and romantic i couldn't bear seeing them sitting apart so i moved,. They laughed, sat next to each other, and he started stroking her face. Sweet

Your son cried all the way? Thats probably because of your negative response. I bet if you have said something positive he would have been happy about giving his seat. I honestly don't know why people enjoy being negative.

Laquitar, there was not a shortage of seats though, the bus was almost empty. Lots and lots od double seats free.

I would imagine either she or her friend find those seats easierto get into and out of because they are higher up, and being closer to the door they don't have to walk down the length of the swaying bus in double quick time when they get near their stop (or feel pressured to get up and out quickly from further down the bus if they stay seated until the bus actually stops).

My mum is 65 and looks much younger. She's very fit and "young at heart" but she has the most awful knee joint problems and is on the waiting list for a double arthroscopy. You wouldn't know to see her as she almost always wears trousers but she wears two knee supports. She would prefer those seats for the reasons I have given.

Four year olds cry if you look at them wrong so I'm thinking you wouldn;t have to at all very snipy with yours to make him cry OP. Mine cries at the drop of a hat. You should have just praised him for giving up the seat and then told him not to be daft when he cried and distracted him by talking about something else. Storm in a teacup basically. I encounter a dozen a day with my son.

My DD1 was exactly the same when she first started school, still can be sometimes

Some posters being a tad harsh about a little 4 YO, or are they just being harsh with you OP? Can't tell.

I know Bellavita, but as others have said perhaps the first lady needed to sit there and it would be nice if the other lady sat there too so they can chat. Life is too short to get upset by it imo.

Isn't the whole point of mn to come on and have a little moan about life's minor irritations - you know to process it and then move on [get me in Oprah mode]

But AIBU is frightful and does tend to attract posters just looking for a fight sadly.

Anyway bupcakes - did you see I started a thread thanking you in S&B as bought the oasis leopard print cardigan - you see thats important stuff

Oooh yes. I said to DS "please stop crying" and he went "I want to but I don't know howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Aaaaah! Mine does that, alot. She's a sensitive little monkey. Some just are. Sometimes mine just starts crying because she's had a little shock, like if someone speaks to her unexpectedly or she has something taken away that she really likes . . . like a favourite seat on the bus. Perfectly normal for it to have made your ds cry IMO.

The people who have said you have indulged him by letting him cry are idiots!

Well, perhaps the bus companies should charge people extra money to reserve seats on the bus. Works for the airlines.

she didn't sound rude just felt she needed the seat more that he did

i am sure he will get over it and i would not have bothered saying anything to her, but then i am looking forward to getting old and bossy

Ach people do funny things and I'm not sure it is just because he is a kid. I was once asked, when nine months pregnant, on a packed bus to give my seat to someone else. I thought it was a bit odd but assume that the person wouldn't have asked if they didn't think their need was greater. So I gave my seat up and then stood handing onto the strap on a hugely packed bus. Some people are odd but mostly people do things for a reason which makes perfect sense to them but is not always obvious to others.

YANBU. The woman was being an entitled old bag.

Just because some people are old, doesn't mean they are right.

But some old people are right. Sometimes.

I feel another Venn diagram coming on. I love a Venn diagram I do.

Oh people can be right whatever age. My DS has been right over me loads of times. I'm big enough to accept it. I'd never disregard someone's opinion just because they are 4/94. It just doesn't work like that does it?

For the record, statistically, I reckon the rudest people are forty/fifty-something Waitrose shoppers. They just are.

Now hold on bupcakes - by this time next year I'll be in that demographic

But I do accept you're right - lordy the way they push past to get into the lifts in our waitrose and the

oops posted too soon.

Was going to say - they then bark at me which floor they want in the car park as though I am the lift attendant in Grace Brothers.

Perhaps you should have been sat next to him

Perhaps when she asked you could have leant across and asked what the issue was

Perhaps when he cried you could have told him that it was ok and that he was a really good boy for letting the ladies sit together

MrsCB I was in Asda today and there was a Waitrose regular in there attempting to use the self-serve tills. She got very shirty when the lady staffing the checkouts suggested that she used one if the five empty tills rather than standing glaring at me whilst I tried to find the code on my bag of tealights

To the last poster; I did tell him well done for getting off the seat. I have said this I'm sure.

Bupcakes, my 4 year old is also in her first week of school, and tired, cranky, weepy and also ecstatically excited about being a 'big girl' in no particular order. Thing is, little kids just don't have the same level of emotional processing or sense of context as adults, and I can imagine my DD would have been upset too. I wouldn't have made a big deal about it either, but would have been as to whether the ladies in question would have asked another adult to move. Maybe they would, but am actually surprised that they didn't address you as well as your son.

And really think some posters need to back off - four year olds are still really little, and easily upset!

Evil seat stealing woman is clearly most unpleasant. She wouldn't have insisted an adult vacate the seat for her, I'll bet. And presumably she was aware of ds then crying until you got off, and said nothing? Shame on her, shame on our society where children are seen as less valid than adults by many people.

My last negative encounter on a bus with older people was when I was at sixth form. It was Rag Week and we were dressing even more unusually to raise money for Help the Aged. We donated quite a bit as I recall.

The nasty comments and cat's bum mouths from burly be-permed and be-cardiganed hachet-faced ladies that me and my friends got when we were travelling to and fro... and we were all actually too shy amd embarrassed to explain. We just sat there and took it.

I feel very sorry for the OP's DS though. train for five years and still hate Buses are the worst of Asda but on wheels. Poor little chap. My DS started school this week and it's horrible to think of a little boy being so upset.

Oh FFS.

Can we please have a timed edit function HQ?

I have asked kids to move off these seats before now, I prefer a high seat due to back and knee problems and I find walking down the moving bus to get off is difficult and frequently lurch into the seats etc. A child of that age I would have spoken to his mum though, a slightly older child I would have asked them if they minded sitting elsewhere as I have wobbly legs and it's easier to sit on those seats. If they moved I would have thanked them and praised them for being kind. I'm not old btw, I'm 36, although I do have an obvious limp..... If the child refused I'd sit elsewhere, after all, they were there first.
I think if she had explained she would like to sit next to her friend whom I suspect needed the high seat due to her age, and thanked him kindly when he moved, that would have been better.