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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Because I didn't have a go at this woman?

211 replies

BupcakesandCunting · 08/09/2011 14:36

On the bus just with my 4 year old. He likes to sit on those "high-up" seats behind the driver's cabin because he can see out of the window properly. The bus was pretty much empty so he sat himself in one of these two seats and I sat in the first "normal" seat after his seat.

About four stops later, two women get on the bus. One is about sixty-five, the other looks slightly younger. The elder of the two sat on the other high up seat next to my son, then her friend said to him "Can I ask you to move onto another seat please?" He looked a bit startled but got up and moved... then promptly burst out crying (probably tired as first week at school!) He didn't know why the woman had made him move from his seat and it really upset him. I thought she might have acknowledged me since she made my son move from his seat for some reason that I can't work out (these seats aren't disabled seats or designated for other passengers and since the bus was empty, the two women could have still sat together, just on another pair of seats)

My boy cried all the way home, the lady sat behind me made eye contact with me and told me that I shouldn't have let her dictate to my son about seating. Blush DS has been asking why I let the lady be rude to him and why she was allowed to take his seat. I would use the paying child versus non-paying child argument but she had a bus pass, or the infirm and elderly argument (needing seat closer to door) but she was very able-bodied (had rambling clothes on and a huge rucksack)

Should I have stuck up for my son and let him stay sat there? He's really cross about it! He's not a brat btw, I would just imagine being sat staring out of a window minding your own then told to leave your seat is a bit weird when you're four!

OP posts:
BoastingByStealth · 08/09/2011 16:47

You don't need to "have a go" to defend his right to sit where he's doing no harm. I would have said something...I think....I hope! :)

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2011 16:48

You should have done the loud, look at me I'm a great mother thing where you loudly praise DS for giving up his seat "To a very, very, old lady who is probably going to die soon"

I love a bit of PA loud parenting, myself. PA in this instance does not mean Peter Andre, btw. Wink

MissBetsyTrotwood · 08/09/2011 16:49

He's probably more cross than usual because he's just started school. My (just started) 4yo is rabid when he gets home.

You weren't and are not being U. You just did what you thought was the right thing to do at the time. You moved. You probably avoided a bit of a confrontation. He'll get over it.

That lady that told you to stick up for him was a nosey parker who should have butted out. You would 'stick up' for him in a serious situation, like if he were being bullied or something.

MrsCampbellBlack · 08/09/2011 16:50

Siamo - thats not it at all.

I just think the best way to teach manners and respect to small children is to treat them with manners and respect too.

It really infuriates me when people ignore children who are holding doors/in a queue etc.

BupcakesandCunting · 08/09/2011 16:51

I didn't "indulge" him. Indulging him would have meant me saying to him "Oh darling, of course that vile woman shouldn't have taken your seat. You are prince of the bus. How dare she? Mummy will phone the policeman to take that big, bad woman away..." In actual fact what I said was something along the lines of "Don't be daft mate, it's only a seat. We're off in a minute anyway!" Then when he asked why she had taken his seat "Because she is older. Older people like those seats as they are nearer to the doors. You did something kind for someone else, that's nice, isn't it?"

But then like I said, rational thought doesn't come easily to a tired four year old.

OP posts:
activate · 08/09/2011 16:51

he cried all the way home? really?

why didn't you take him to another special seat? or make a big fuss of him for being so extra specially nice that he moved

old lady was odd and probably wrong but it's no big deal and kids should be respectful to old people even when they're cranky old buggers

cornsylk · 08/09/2011 16:51

The women on the bus weren't anywhere near as rude of some of the posters on this thread.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2011 16:52

BTW Bups, your bazooms are needed on the wolef-hating thread.

Psammed is doing her best, but.......

BupcakesandCunting · 08/09/2011 16:55

Oh Katie, I don't have the heart today. The crotchetyness on here is making me sad, atm. I might just come on and place my bong out in the middle of the thread and start singing Kum-Bay-Yah. That'll kill the thread pretty fast. Grin

Activate, cry all the way home = cried for three stops - five minutes. Is my four year old the only one to have had a tantrum lasting longer than thirty seconds? :(

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 08/09/2011 16:58

Bupcakes - tantrums are par for the course with 4 year olds who have just started school. Well in the real world but obviously not on mn Hmm

BupcakesandCunting · 08/09/2011 17:00

I think he's done pretty well to only have one tantrum this week. Obviously I have very low expectations of my kid. Grin

OP posts:
Feminine · 08/09/2011 17:01

I am wondering what was going on in the ladies mindConfused

Whatever happens after that is kind of irrelevant surely?

Why would she need to ask him to move? a full bus n'all...

That is possibly what bup is thinking? :)

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 08/09/2011 17:03

bupcakes YANBU not to have a go, because stand up rows on buses are not a good idea and you didn't have time to come up with a more reasoned response. You've not overindulged your ds and his reaction was perfectly normal for a 4yo.

As an aside, there are some utter wankers around MN right now. You know who you are.

Raahh · 08/09/2011 17:05

3 stops?? and you were on a BUS???

Why weren't you walking??

WinkGrin

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2011 17:06

Bong, excellent!

Should have sparked one up in front of the old, old, old woman.

My kids cried for hours at that age.

"What's wrong littlescarlett?"

"I don't knoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow"

HerHissyness · 08/09/2011 17:07

She was 3 stops from HOME stop when Seat Stealer got on the bus! Grin

Raahh · 08/09/2011 17:08
Grin

evil seat stealer!!

BupcakesandCunting · 08/09/2011 17:08

Oooh yes. I said to DS "please stop crying" and he went "I want to but I don't know howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Grin
OP posts:
Raahh · 08/09/2011 17:10

awwww- dd1 is like that at the mo- she has so many meltdowns due to being over tired, and never knows why!

aldiwhore · 08/09/2011 17:16

Bless him... actually have nowt to add except, although I don't cry, I'm always disappointed in horrible people... and I guess, you can't explain it logically to anyone of any age, I concentrate, like you on taling about my sons' behaviour, rather than teaching them to not let other people get to them!

My youngest (soon to be four) had a meltdown yesterday his 'best friend' doesn't ever want to play with him... his best friend has never been an actual friend, doesn't particularly like my son, but my boy adores the little shit darling. "Life's not fair" is becoming the family motto!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/09/2011 17:19

Poor Bupcakes, you do stay serene in the face of all this angst... I've been in a slappy mood today, feel a bit better now.

It sounds like the woman behind actually caused the problem.... I believe that "Snout out" is a universally accepted refrain for meddlers. Grin

SouthernFriedTofu · 08/09/2011 17:20

Some older people prefer the higher up seats to get down from then to sit low and get up. I think YABU

Hullygully · 08/09/2011 17:21
Tiredmumno1 · 08/09/2011 17:23

Whats she being u about southern?

Bellavita · 08/09/2011 17:25

Hully Grin

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