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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wash my DH's clothes?

283 replies

CailinDana · 07/09/2011 09:57

I thought I'd start a thread on this as I mentioned it within another thread and got some Shock responses. I have never washed my DH's clothes and I never will unless he becomes ill or incapacitated. I'm a SAHM and I do wash DS's clothes. As far as I'm concerned clothes washing is part of personal hygiene, it's a person's own business to ensure they have clean underwear and I'm not getting involved. There is no way on earth I would pick up DH's dirty underpants and socks (usually from the floor where they reside) and I just don't have time to hang it all out and take it all in. Once DS is old enough (about 10 is reasonable I think) he will become responsible for his own washing. Doing washing for someone else strikes me as a bit servile to be honest.

I don't iron anything ever. DH has his own wash basket. He has never complained about this situation. AIBU?

OP posts:
jugglingwiththreeshoes · 07/09/2011 19:08

I'm very similar OP, so it's good to see a new thread that shows I/We're not alone. DH seems fine with it and I have enough trouble keeping up with the DC's and my washing. I only iron for special occasions Grin

Feminine · 07/09/2011 19:08

I think this has to be one of the most unusual threads I have ever read on here.

I agree that it can not only be about doing your DH's smalls ,it is just too petty otherwise.

I picture you looking like Barbara Woodhouse Grin and I see it as a weird training exercise for your poor DH.

ImperialBlether · 07/09/2011 19:09

I think you sound really petty and selfish. You have a washing machine, don't you? How long would it take to put his things in with yours?

I can understand you get fed up with his clothes on the floor but for me, that's a separate issue.

I'm just thinking of the conversation you'll have with your son when he's a bit older.

"Let's put some washing on. Here are your clothes. In they go. Here are mummy's clothes. In they go."

"Shall we do daddy's clothes, too?"

"No, we don't do daddy's clothes, darling. He does his own."

"Why?"

"Because that's his job."

"Why?"

"Because I'm far too busy to wash his clothes for him."

Pause.

"Mummy, shall we go and watch tv after you've finished on Mumsnet?"

"Okay, darling. Just let me finish off telling these women how busy I am, first."

upahill · 07/09/2011 19:10

I could possibly think this was ok if you had to wash all the clothes by hand.
But you don't - you are not washing them, a machine is!
All one does is sort the washing into appropiate washes and then selects the right wash and off you go.

ImperialBlether · 07/09/2011 19:12

The fact is, OP, that you have posted 38 times in normal office hours today. Surely you could have skipped a post and put his clothes in the wash?

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/09/2011 19:15

YABVU and selfish. You're happy to take his money so that you dont have to work yet wont pop his washing into the machine with the rest of the laundry.

exoticfruits · 07/09/2011 19:15

How odd Hmm DH and I both do the washing and we both do the ironing-whoever happens to have time. We wash or iron what is there-not take petty exception if it is not our own or the DCs.

Whatmeworry · 07/09/2011 19:21

Let's put some washing on. Here are your clothes. In they go. Here are mummy's clothes. In they go

I'm sure the OP said up-thread that at 10 the DC has to do (her?) own washing too....

Vintagepommery · 07/09/2011 19:29

OP, I do exactly the same. Seems perfectly reasonable to me. The washing machine was broke a while back and we had to use a friend's w machine, so I did do his then, to be fair. That was an emergency tho.
It's more a point of principle than anything else. Went back to the day when DH was bugger lazy and did barely anything round the house (he's better now)- so it was the one thing he had to do. Don't really get why people are so exercised about this.

ImperialBlether · 07/09/2011 19:29

But the child is only small now, so mummy will do his washing.

niceguy2 · 07/09/2011 19:32

OP, I suggest next time your husband is having sex with you that he just worries about his own orgasm. Obviously your orgasm is your own business and nothing to do with him. I'm sure his time would be better off spent sleeping. If you can't keep up, that's your problem yes?

Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 19:37

Some of the responses I'm getting are priceless! ImperialBlether I particularly like your little drama, very heart-rending, clearly my failure to do every single task in the home is going to lead to my child being neglected. That's totally logical.

I'm going to say for the last time there's no waste of money, we never put less than a full load on. I'm baffled as to why people think I'm wasting money - surely single parents manage without a partner to provide clothes for them to save money with?

OP posts:
G1nger · 07/09/2011 19:38

Ooh, trust a man to bring it back to sex!

(Really, though, do we have to worry about orgasms now, too?)

Vallhala · 07/09/2011 19:39

"YABVU and selfish. You're happy to take his money so that you dont have to work yet wont pop his washing into the machine with the rest of the laundry."

Whoa!

The OP is a SAHP. She is working in the home caring for a helpless child so that her DH can go out and work without having to arrange or pay for childcare nor needding to arrange his working hours around it. That's the "deal". She is not a SAHP to her DH and he is not a helpless child. He is not providing for her so that she can clean his clothes, he is providing for the OP so that she cares for DS.

Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 19:39

Ha I can't believe you're comparing an orgasm and washing niceguy! I'm glad I don't live in your house!

OP posts:
KittyFane · 07/09/2011 19:40

Still with you OP- DH 's are quite capable of doing their own washing... OP, you are a SAHM do you do most of the childcare, cooking, cleaning? If you do most of these things when DH is at work YANBU to leave just his washing for him to do.

If you sit around or spend most of your day (whilst he is at work) doing leisurely things, meeting friend's etc then YABU not to spend more time helping out.

DH and I both work FT. When we finish work we split the chores hence him organising his own washing.

FWIW ... When I was at home all day, I did the chores and childcare whilst he went to work- that was the deal.

jellybeans208 · 07/09/2011 19:42

so niceguy you only bother giving your wife orgasms in excahnge for her doing all housework and cleaning Confused

The op does loads if she is doing all cooking and cleaning just not the washing. I think she is silly picking the washing for him not to do tbh as thats an easy job I would make him do much more. My husband definitely doesnt get dinner eevery night and wouldnt expect it. Its not my job to do it all and I have no intention of doing it

upahill · 07/09/2011 19:42

Well if you are all happy there is no case to answer really is there.
So there is no point posting?

It's like me posting Am I unreasonable to go walking up mountains?
Clearly the answer is no because it doesn't cause anyone a problem or cause a predicament or dilemma.

KittyFane · 07/09/2011 19:42

All the chores including his washing..

Vallhala · 07/09/2011 19:44

Isn't there an MNer (I may be able to recall the name but best not say it in case I'm mistaken) who is a SAHM who does none of these kinds of chores? She's at home as parent to her child, not as cook/cleaner to her DH IIRC.

G1nger · 07/09/2011 19:45

upahill - "Am I unreasonable to go walking up mountains?"

Yes, you should stick to just hills. Unless, of course, you're climbing hills and then unreasonably pretending they're mountains. or do they just feel like mountains?

jellybeans208 · 07/09/2011 19:48

Well I am not a SAHM I have a part time job but my husband is thankful if I cook a real meal and thanks me every time I tidy. I do it some days and not others and he is just glad he gets it some of the time. I will never be doing everything and wouldnt of married him if he thought I was going to do that.

KittyFane · 07/09/2011 19:50

Vallhala - yes, I remember one and I totally disagree with this... As a SAHM for year, I can't believe a person does no cooking, cleaning, washing during the day... There is time if you make it- I managed it as well as having friend's over, baking, going shopping, helping at play groups etc.. I still had loads of leisure time after doing jobs and I disagree with anyone who says they are a SAHM who has no time.

Vallhala · 07/09/2011 20:06

Kitty, I agree that time is a lame excuse - I managed a 3 bed house, 2 dogs and 2 children from a babe and a toddler upwards and I'm far from Superwoman - but I think it's more a case of principle with some. It would be for me too, I guess, especially after all those years of lone parenthood... I'd be looking at DP/DH and thinking, rather resentfully, "Why the feck can't you operate the washing machine, they're your clothes, not mine!".

aquashiv · 07/09/2011 20:15

You arent being unreasonable if you are both happy wiht this. I do see where your are coming from and I agree it shouldnt be something you should be expected to do.
I only do his as his approach to domestic chores is rather haphazard. Therefore washing be another thing I would have to be annally retentive about.

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