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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wash my DH's clothes?

283 replies

CailinDana · 07/09/2011 09:57

I thought I'd start a thread on this as I mentioned it within another thread and got some Shock responses. I have never washed my DH's clothes and I never will unless he becomes ill or incapacitated. I'm a SAHM and I do wash DS's clothes. As far as I'm concerned clothes washing is part of personal hygiene, it's a person's own business to ensure they have clean underwear and I'm not getting involved. There is no way on earth I would pick up DH's dirty underpants and socks (usually from the floor where they reside) and I just don't have time to hang it all out and take it all in. Once DS is old enough (about 10 is reasonable I think) he will become responsible for his own washing. Doing washing for someone else strikes me as a bit servile to be honest.

I don't iron anything ever. DH has his own wash basket. He has never complained about this situation. AIBU?

OP posts:
jellybeans208 · 07/09/2011 18:24

I put everyones stuff all in at once and turn it on. Its a dryer so it usually dries it or I might put it on the line. Doesnt make any extra work for me and would be more work to sort his clothes out from mine tbh

fluffles · 07/09/2011 18:25

i am with the OP - my husband and i do most washing seperately.

we wash towels and bedsheets in one hot wash once a week - both sharing the jobs of putting on, taking out, hanging up...

but we wash everything else seperately, we have separate baskets and we both do a lot of sport (something every day - football, cycling, yoga, running) so we each fill a load once a week and i do a white once every ten days or fortnight (he doesn't have whites except his sheets.

when we come back from holiday or a weekend away we'll do joint batches, but not usually.

we don't have a child yet, when we have a baby i think baby stuff will mostly be a load itself... not sure yet what will happen as it grows up...

seeker · 07/09/2011 18:27

It depends. How many children do you have and how old are they? And what are you too busy doing?

sixpinetrees · 07/09/2011 18:34

"and for those saying what if you don't have a full wash load, I have 3 dcs, I ALWAYS have a full wash load."

But the OP only has one dc and he will be doing his own washing when he is 10. I find it hard to believe that a person with an average amount of clothes wouldn't be inconvenienced by having to save up for a full load of only their own stuff. When I lived alone I rarely washed a full load, only if I was doing bedding really. If I took a weeks worth of white school shirts and vests from my dcs I couldn't scrape together a load of whites with out raiding the adult laundry basket and I have 3 dcs. I honestly don't know how a 10yo would be able to produce a full load of whites and a full load of darks in time to have a clean uniform to put on, unless he has a staggering amount of clothes. Thats the bit I find odd.

Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 18:36

I'm surprised that people say doing the washing for an extra adult is no extra work. So if a friend asked you to do their washing because they had too much on, would you? If I did DH's washing I'd have to put at least two extra washes on a week which would involve hanging out two extra loads, take them in, sort them, fold them and put them away. That is extra work as far as I can see.

Seeker I'm too busy looking after a crawling non-napping baby who doesn't sleep at night, and doing practically all of the rest of the housework.

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 18:37

Six pine trees I don't separate darks and lights as I have very few white clothes, practically none in fact. Between me and DS I have a full load every two to three days.

OP posts:
KittyFane · 07/09/2011 18:38

DH takes his clothes to the laundrette for a service wash or dry clean. I wash mine and DD's in the washing machine at home and dry them on the line or dryer.
He has always done this and it's fine by me !

KittyFane · 07/09/2011 18:40

I agree OP- at least two extra loads .. Sorry if it sounds mean but he is perfectly capable if doing it, he doesn't want to, he therefore goes to the laundrette!

jellybeans208 · 07/09/2011 18:40

Why does it involve folding it and putting away just dump it on a big pile on the side or the floor. Just pick everything up, bung in together, dont seperate colours its just a waste of time, turn on, use washer/dryer get it out in a big pile and chuck it somewhere and then sort through as you need it.

KittyFane · 07/09/2011 18:43

Jelly... :o noooo.. He can do it if he wants to!

Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 18:43

I don't want to leave my clothes in a heap jellybeans, I want them folded and put away. DH won't do that for me so I won't do it for him. He's happy to just throw his clothes on the floor.

OP posts:
jellybeans208 · 07/09/2011 18:46

Thats your thing then you just sound very organised so I suppose it bothers you. Whatever floats your boat really but I just dont think its much work but I am the worlds worst wife Wink

Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 18:46

On the contrary jellybeans, according to this thread I'm the world's worst wife!

OP posts:
KittyFane · 07/09/2011 18:47

I'm with you OP- nothing more to add!! :o

jellybeans208 · 07/09/2011 18:49

I dont think so you sound really organised to me and like things a certain way so thats why you do things seperate which is fair enough. If I was with your husband though we would probably both just do it and bung it on the floor. (Im surrounded by washing right now!)

upahill · 07/09/2011 18:49

In our house what ever needs doing is done by whoever is there.
So Dh hoovers, pegs out the washing, sorts out the dishwasher, takes the bedding off and puts it back on, gets the shopping, helps with the homework and so do I.

I couldn't give a toss if you refuse to do your DH's washing. Why should I care, it's what workd for you.

What I do find a bit bonkers is your sentance about washing for some else strinkg you a servile. WTF?

I can't remember if it has been asked in the thread but what about towels he has used. Do they have to be done seperately?

CaptainMartinCrieff · 07/09/2011 18:52

I've not read the whole thread but from your OP you sound like a group if flat mates and not a family?! Each of you doing your own washing individually? You'll each be cooking individual dinners next.

As for washing someone else's clothes being 'servile'?! Sad

CaptainMartinCrieff · 07/09/2011 18:55

You're shoving it in a washing machine and pressing a button... Not scrubbing it on a washboard! 'servile' -golly Sad

Vagazzled · 07/09/2011 18:55

We're a family. Therefore we help/do things for each other. My DD(2) loves 'helping' with the washing, putting it in the machine etc. I'd hate to think I was teaching her (by not doing DH's smalls Wink ) that we only do things that benefit ourselves.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 07/09/2011 18:56

Seems a bit unusual to me.
I work from home and have one dd of our own and then 3 dc's that I childmind and that I often do a few outfit washes for (as I'm the one really making them grubby!) and it's no hassle for me to nip into both bathrooms, sort through the washing and then put loads on regardless of to whom the items belong.
DD is nearly 9 and is perfectly capable of putting a load on, I just have to supervise the items which get transferred to the dryer, but she can fold and put away too.
Dh will pitch in with other things as he's rubbish at knowing which items don't go anywhere near the dryer, for instance I've a headache and am feeling ropey but have a sweet tooth at the minute so he's spent this afternoon making choc and caramel cookies.

We both help out with all chores, to a greater or lesser degree. But it's whatever works for you in your home!

gramercy · 07/09/2011 18:56

I agree with others that scratch beneath the surface and there is something going on with the OP and washing issues.

I mean, I don't post AIBU to eat my dinner? Cos it's just normal and it would never occur to me that eating my dinner was abnormal. So why has the OP felt the need to pose this question? Eh? Eh?

Doing the washing is hardly servile, it's just a necessary task, one of many round the house. In my opinion there are far more onerous ones - tidying up every single flippin' day for years on end, anyone?

This brings to mind a friend of mil's, who apparently has never touched her dh's underpants in 60 years of marriage. She was surprised to find out that other people do in fact throw each other's dirty clothes in the washing machine.

ZZZenAgain · 07/09/2011 18:58

I findi t a bit unusual tbh. I'll throw anyone's stuff in the wash if they're staying in my house and it needs washing. I'm not hugely servile and I'm not much of a housewife but I really don't have a problem with that. No problem whatsoever with the washing of anyone in my family. It gets thrown in the same 2 washing bins -white/coloured and I do a wash of one and a wash of the other, finished.

Rather do that than cook tbh

Vallhala · 07/09/2011 18:59

FWIW I think you're being perfectly reasonable and I can see where you're coming from completely.

I also think that you're getting a hell of a lot of criticism for the way you choose to run your household, some of it rather spiteful.

heleninahandcart · 07/09/2011 19:01

OP see women like you are typical of the selfish breakdown in family values today. No wonder kids are rioting in Primark with a mother like you.

They needed clean pants Grin

mountaingirl · 07/09/2011 19:03

Good grief! I have never heard of anything so odd. As a SAHM as well I absolutely could not justify doing that. What a waste of money.

If you are intimate with him, and I assume you are as you have a dc, unless he is faecally incontinent why is there such a problem sticking his clothes/underwear in the wash? He surely can't be that filthy and if he is why are you with him?

I once worked with someone who only ever ironed the front of her husband's shirts, so if it was warm he could never take his jacket off! Of course he could have ironed his own........

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