To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

[Islandlady]

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

Loudlass, why is there no option to look for a job that doesn't require xmas day working? Why are your only options this job or benefits?

flip, wasn't the point that your children aren't the most important thing in your colleagues lives?

I think we can all agree that the working mum in the OP is a right piece of work.

But it's not cos she's a working mum. It's because she is selfish and entitled anyway!

Flip,
So in your opinion if one parents refuses to look after their child, then it is perfectly fair that a complete stranger who just happens to work with the other parent has to sacrifice christmas day with their loved ones?
And I am nto saying parent shsoudl nto work, I am saying anyone for any reason who thinks they have the right to take Xmas, NY and easter off each and every year and thinks it is tough for their colleagues is taking the piss, and needs to take responsibility for their own lives. It is not the co-workers responsibility if the other parent refuses to look after their own child, or if childcare would be expensive.

Ha. In my area, with 200+ applicants for EVERY job, and being unqualified, I have to take what is available. Which is not much, and often DOES involve working days that a lot of other people don't have to. I only have relevent experience in retail. So retail it has to be. Can't do care work, due to my own disability, can't work in childcare etc. Retail or the dole for me.

There are more jobs that don't work Xmas day than those that do. You're being over-dramatic.

And before you ask, no, on minimum wage, with 4dc to look after, no I CAN'T afford to retrain.

Retail? Most retail places are shut xmas day!

If you seriously want to retrain and better yourself, why not consider the benefits option if teh income would be comparable? You might even get some free training due to benefits.

Overdramatic - if you say so. I have spent 4 months looking for work, managed to get a job, as a disabled Lone parent with no family support, looking after 4 dc, 2 of whom have special needs, and I'm in the wrongfor needing to either book holiday from work when I can't get childcare or to take unpaid leave. WTactualF??

Loudlass is doing exactly the right thing IMO, she has found a job that allows her to book the days she needs off in advance. Her colleagues have the same opportunity.

Hmm, I see that may have been what she meant fanjobanjo reading back.

However, I think most people are prepared to make allowances for the fact that parents (not just mums) aren going to need time off at some point.

If not, anyone with children may as well not bother working just in case they go on holiday or need leave at some point, because this might inconvenience another colleague.

Fact is, even if you have the best childcare arrangements in the whole world and masses of support, the time is going to come when a working parent has to take time off because everything falls through - that's just life.

Nobody thinks you are wrong, you ARE overdramatising!

People are just pointing out the double standard when it comes to hols like xmas, no one is saying you can't book holidays ever etc etc.

Nope, no training was available. I am over 25, and can't do hairdressing (would YOU let someone with uncontrolled epilepsy cut YOUR hair - I wouldn't, and it's me I'm on about...) or care work. So no training. So if I'd waited 4 years till ds3 was in school, the only thing that would have changed is that I'd have been out of work for 4 years longer...

flip,
no the parents who take the piss by demanding they take xmas, NY and easter off year in and year out are assuming that their offspring are more important than anything their co-workers may have in their lives.

Loudlass,
Maybe you cannot force the fathers to take responsibility for their own children, but they should cough up for the extra childcare and take a part in looking for childcare. It is just as much their responsibility as yours. You will also find at some point you cannot force you co-workers to take responsibility for your chidlcare needs either. If they all call in sick, and you boss knows you are just on leave they may call you in etc, or they may all have children get the form handed in before you etc. It is not fair that because one parent refuses to take responsibility co-workers are expected to.

Blu,
I make no differenciation between working fathers and mothers (or for thet fact other people who act like this). In fact I think some of the problems stem from the fact that often people consider working fathers to be workers who happen to have children, and mothers as working mothers doing all the childcare whilst the father swans around as if all he has to do is go to work.

And I DO understand that it's inconvenient for my colleagues, but in years to come, when THEY have dc, mine will be older, and then I'LL be returning the favour...

(most of my colleagues are 18-22)

My friend used to work on a team with 3 other working parents. The nature of the role meant that from time to time 1 of the team needed to stay late on an ad-hoc basis as additional support. All 3 of the other team members regularly used their children as reasons that they couldn't stay on to work late. My friend ended up doing 90% of the late shifts. She eventually got fed up and changed jobs. Some working parents do expect childless colleagues to pick up the slack for them. Others (like myself and most of the working mums I work with) bend over backwards not to be seen as a liability.

Well, best of luck to you with everything, I hope it gets better for you!

Is Mr Scooge on this thread? You want Christmas off? CHRISTMAS?

I'm NOT assuming that my co-workers won't want those times off too - but it is a WANT not a NEED. My dc NEED to have someone looking after them, my colleagues WANT to be at home over Christmas.

Mind you, I had been unable to find ANY christmas/ bank holiday childcare, so those links may be useful for me!

kelly - yes, I absolutely do think it's reasonable that someone in loudlass ' situation gets priority for holidays when childcare is an issue. I don't see how you can argue with the simple fact that children need to be looked after, and if there's no childcare available the the parent has to do it.

Surely most reasonable people understand that people with children who work will need time off sometimes, and make allowances for this?

Loudass - I appreciate you would rather your situation were different.

Apologies if you've answered this already but checked and could see but what would happen if you had a colleague in the exact same situation as you and needed the same time off, how would that work?

Flippinada - maybe the key term there is reasonable. I'm glad my colleagues don't seem to be as unreasonable as kelly2000 seems to be. I hope she never needs time off for a family emergency (parent ill in hospital etc) - as there's a high chance it's be someone like me who covered her!

Ifancyashandy - It wouldn't make ANY difference - if we both had to take the time off as unpaid parental leave, thus leaving our employer well and truly in the lurch, there would be not a jot we could do about it - OR our employer, as we would BOTH be able to take up to 13 weeks unpaid parental leave before our dc's 5th birthday (or 16th in the case of a dc with SN - of which I have 2!). I wouldn't LIKE doing that, but I would be left with NO CHOICE.