To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

[Islandlady]

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

[porcamiseria]

agree with reality

its nowt to do with working mums, all do do with being a selfish bitch

your mate needs to stick up for herself, holiday booked first comes first

[meditrina]

I agree with sgb - the problem here is with the management who might not be misogynist - they might be crap with all male departments too - but who are certainly patronising, offensive and ineffective.

Also, I agree with the general point about this being a selfish colleague issue - her children are simply an additional "weapon" in trying to get her own way.

Your friend needs to be calm, professional, and stand her ground. Her leave was booked first, she cannot change her plans - and (rather like the latecomer) others are depending on her for their holiday. She also needs to lobby the management for a clearer policy, or (as I bet the underlying policy is pretty clear already) to uphold it fairly.

[venusandmars]

And ime some working dads, and other men do this too.

[BuntyCollocks]

Agree with reality. Some non-mothers are also entitled bitches. This has nothing to do with her being a mother and the insinuation that it is, is quite frankly offensive. YABU.

[HoHoLaughingMonster]

Nothing to do with being a working mum. Some people without kids are just as selfish, and will use whatever excuse they can think of to get their own way.

[MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours]

Well, as everyone has said, nothing at all to do with this woman being a working mum and everything to do with crap management and a bitch of a colleague.

Your friend needs to stick to her guns, but politely and professionally.

And then find another job!

[LtEveDallas]

The correct answer to "I hope you are proud of yourself" from Bitch 2 is:

"Yes I am proud of myself. Proud that I was sensible enough to book my leave before I booked my holiday. Proud that I ensured I gave my employer plenty of notice of my leave. Proud that I am professional enough not to cry in the office. Proud that I do not need to take time off stressing about a situation that was of my own making and finally very proud that due to all of the above I am going to have a wonderful holiday whilst some very unprofessional and unintelligent people bitch about me behind my back"

But, to answer your question "aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name..." I actually agree with you. I am a working mum in a very male orientated environment. Thanks to a few others who do take the piss (like Bitch1 and Bitch2) I have found that people in my position do get looked at a bit harsher, as if we are expected to fuck up straight away. I bend over backwards to do everything that my colleagues do, and more, just to earn the same respect. I volunteer for extra hours etc, to prove that I dont need special consideration, but when others play the 'mum' card as if it is an illness sometimes I feel like slapping them.

[mistlethrush]

I realise that this person is using her status as a 'single mum' to try emotional blackmail - but that doesn't mean that this is normal practise - she's just an unreasonable person that will try to get her way - if it wasn't children it would be something else. You're trying to use the example of one person to generalise and make a statement about working mums. That's blatantly unreasonable. However, you are reasonable to say that this one working mum is taking the P.

[Islandlady]

Sorry I didnt mean to be offensive but please read my post again

first of all my title said some (not all)

And I also said that working Mums LIKE THAT may give other WMs a bad name I didnt say anywhere that all working Mums were the same - I was a working mum myself worked full time and never used my DS as a weapon to get my won way

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

Agree, it's all about the individuals involved and the company culture, nothing to do with being parents or non-parents. The boss needs a kick up the arse ? what kind of manager leaves things like this to staff? The company needs to remind all staff of its leave-request procedure and everyone, management down, needs to know how to follow it and that they must follow it. Your friend should approach HR or management about the bullying she's experiencing. No one should put up with being called selfish or nasty at work.

[mistlethrush]

Well why put 'some working mums' in the title then? Why not just put 'this woman is being unreasonable and people like this give other working mums a bad name' or similar? That completely changes the general thrust of the thread.

[Whatmeworry]

Friend did right thing, but her life may be quite hard going forward as the 2 mums have clearly formed a cabal. Ah, the perils of standing up for yourself.....

[Hullygully]

wot everyone else said

buy them a planner to put on the wall

arses the lot of em

[itisnearlysummer]

Islandlady, I think, thought, that this colleague would have behaved like this, mum or no mum.

It's the person she is and nothing to do with her parental status, using the WM qualifier suggests that it is.

[itisnearlysummer]

though, not thought.

[JodieHarsh]

YABU to think this has anything to do with her being a Mum.

I do the bare minimum I can get away with at work, and I have no children.

YABVVVVU not to sodding well punctuate.

[SenoritaViva]

You are seriously over generalising about working mums.

Your friend is having a horrid time, her company sounds like it is badly run to allow that to happen and that she doesn't work with very nice people - whether they are working mums or not is neither here nor there.

When I was a WM I put as much time in as I could, worked from home and would never have behaved like that. So please don't generalise but yes, your friend has every right to be furious.

[poppyknot]

DH (working dad) had a probelm with booking leave recently. I had told him when October holiday was, he forgot to book any leave, his colleague books three of the days so he can't have them. I shout at him for not booking them first. But lesson learned (I hope but as DDs are well through primary school I am not sure.........)

Thread should be retitled - To think that some not all people take the Piss

[theincredibequeenofwands]

I agree with the Op's title.

The woman used her child to try and guilt trip her mate into giving up her holiday. Your mate did the right thing, she sounds far more professional than her colleagues. She booked her holiday fair and square.

[BimboNo5]

But its a non issue, its like starting a thread saying 'dont you think some black people are a waste of space', its just plain offensive and generalising based on fuck all.

[Quenelle]

If this woman didn't have children she'd be taking the piss in some other way. It's nothing to do with being a working mum.

[fanjobanjowanjo]

Just a terrible management and a terrible bitch situation. Your mate should stick to her guns and perhaps not take up so much of the (other woman's) slack work wise - sounds like this woman at work is used to your friend doing so and feels she can walk all over her as a result.

And is now throwing toys everywhere out of the pram, the eejit. Nobody respects that sort of carry on.

I don't think it's a working mums issue.

[CustardIsMyNemesis]

Well speaking as the only working Mum in my office (by nature of the fact I am the only woman ) I am the only member of staff that is in on time and I book pretty much all of my holidays on the 2nd January for the upcoming year.

I should be off this week, however Men without children booked holidays for this week too, only they booked them within the last 2 months. I cancelled my leave (as I have found a cheaper holiday next month), but am I to draw the conclusion from this that SOME men without children take the p-ss?