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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

361 replies

Islandlady · 07/09/2011 09:12

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

OP posts:
kelly2000 · 07/09/2011 12:17

Flip,
so just to reiterate, whilst she is a nun, her other colleagues in the hospital are not.

flippinada · 07/09/2011 12:19

Well, what if is one parent is dead or simply not there? What then? It does happen, you know. That's the point I'm trying to make.

Also, aren't a lot of workplaces closed over christmas anyway?

kelly2000 · 07/09/2011 12:19

Loudlass, Not everyone celebrates chirstmas, so unless parents have an issue with their children being looked after by non-christians they will be able to find childcare in two years. And even if they have to pay, that is their responsibility, and unless one parent is dead presumably both parents are working (otherwise the non working parent would look after the child), and can contribute to the extra cost.

kelly2000 · 07/09/2011 12:21

But if the other parent is alive they have responsibility for the child certainly more thna the othe rparent's co-workers. And if the other parent is dead it still doe snot make it the responsibility of the colleagues.

SeldomSeenCake · 07/09/2011 12:21

your friend had her holiday booked for months the WM didnt...end of story. in my office there are a certain amount of available holiday hours and if they are gone...tough (obviously unless a dire emergency crops up). the WM was being unreasonable but because she is a selfish cow not because she is a working mother.

bagpusss · 07/09/2011 12:22

Fact: 'working mum' is an arbitrary category which causes a lot of women to feel some kind of discrimination
Fact: you can't pretend it doesn't exist just because you would prefer it not to be that way. If it exists in enough people's minds it becomes tangible.
Working mums have to deal with prejudice against 'working mums' whether they like it or not. So, the question is relevant whether or not the behaviour of Mrs Disneyvisit gives 'working mums' a bad name.
Yes it would be more accurate to say that the poor behaviour was that of a person who just happened to be a mum at work, but people tend to think it categories, and 'working mum' is one of those that get used. This is all about perceptions.
(Nice to see Maryz and me on the same side of the argument this time. :))

CardyMow · 07/09/2011 12:22

Kelly2000 - THERE IS NO FUCKING CHILDCARE EVEN TO PAY FOR ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!!

And, yes, I know I'm 'shouting', but, honestly, there is just NOTHING.

I could use an entire MONTHS wages, and STILL not have enough money to get someone to look after my dc on CHRISTMAS DAY. And it's not possible to MAKE an Ex-P look after your dc that day if they can't or don't want to.

So, I reiterate - am I meant to stay at home on benefits so that I don't INCONVENIENCE you, or should I leave my dc at home alone??!! Maybe you could actually answer the question of where I am meant to find childcare for Christmas Day from? That doesn't cost more than I earn in a month?

flippinada · 07/09/2011 12:23

So she's not a nun full time then, she's a doctor? It wasn't clear at all from your post that she had a full time job.

Sofabitch · 07/09/2011 12:23

We aren't allowed to take leave over Christmas. Regardless of children. It's written into our contract.

Ormirian · 07/09/2011 12:24

That particular woman has been a bit of a twat. Not sure what it's got to do with 'some working mothers' though Hmm Dads go to work too.

SiamoFottuti · 07/09/2011 12:26

but thats not your collegues problem is it Loudlass? As long as you don't expect it to be, you're fine.

CardyMow · 07/09/2011 12:28

But, in answer to the OP - Mrs Disneymum IS BU, and taking the p@ss. Your friend was organised, and booked her leave, Mrs Disneymum has to suck it up, get more organised next year AND book her leave from work BEFORE booking her Disney visit etc.

slavetofilofax · 07/09/2011 12:29

This chilcare agency provides childcare on Christmas Day. I'm sure there must be others across the country. I'm not saying it's cheap, but to say it's impossible is simply not true.

Ormirian · 07/09/2011 12:30

In fact the worst person in my dept for child-related pisstaking re holidays is a man. And the most frustrating thing about it is that having done it all through his (now grown-up) children's childhood, he has remarried and has 2 young stepsons - so he's STILL doing it. Grrrr...

flippinada · 07/09/2011 12:30

kelly Frankly, this statement "And if the other parent is dead it still doe snot make it the responsibility of the colleagues" makes you look callous and stupid.

Sometimes, the other parent is not available even if they are still alive. You simply can't make the other parent look after the DC if they aren't willing. It may also be that they aren't capable.

Are you actually saying that lone parents shouldn't be at work because they may, at some point, possibly inconvenience other people who don't work? Because that seems to be the logical outcome of what you are saying.

flippinada · 07/09/2011 12:33

slavetofilofax - not everyone has the kind of job where they can afford expensive childcare though. I certainly don't!

Thanks OrmIrian, I'm glad someone else has picked up on this theme, cos it's really been bugging me (how can you tell? :))

kelly2000 · 07/09/2011 12:33

Flip,
She is a nun full time, a nun is not a job it is a vocation. So she is always a nun (think she is always married to God, in the same way a woman is still married to her husband even though she works). I probably should have explained it better, it seems weird to most people as the popular concept of a nun is someone wearing robes praying in a convent all day. She works in a hospital, but lives in a convent.

Loudlass,
I am sorry, but the childcare is still the responsibility of both the mother and the father (if they are both living) not-your co-workers. What would you do if all you co-workers had children and so needed christmas and NY off, or you worked in a place where leave for these days was shared, as it is in most companies, or your other colleagues got their first? I am sorry, but I stand by the fact that people who expect to take the same holidays off each year at the expense of their colleagues are taking the piss. It just assumes children are more imprtant than anything in their lives. What if like my friend the religious holidays are hugely important, what if they have a sick or elderly relative in a hospital or home, what if they have pets they cannot get a sitter for, what if they cannot have children and would like to spend the day with their loved ones like another poster said was denied to her?

flippinada · 07/09/2011 12:34

Gah, I mean of course other people who don't have children or childcare responsibilities! Not people who don't work.

Blu · 07/09/2011 12:34

Where, please, are the working fathers in this discussion? Working fathers like to have time off during the school holidays, working fathers have to ensure they have chikdcare at anti-social working times (like Christmas day) working fathers have to plan holiday in advance, etc etc.

One disorganised, last minute, petulant person does not demonise an entire gender.

And anyway, this isn't about working parents, this is about one business's failure to manage it's staff properly. The hol boooked in advacenshould have been honoured without a second thougt, it was the managers job to tell the other woman that it was too late to take ho; at that time, and it was a completely unreasonable management directive that neither could take hol if they argued. They also need to run an office in which pelope are not allowed to bully each other.

Would these managers be men, and working fathers at that, by any chance??

fanjobanjowanjo · 07/09/2011 12:35

Loudlass - get a different job that doesn't require xmas day working - most places don't now.

whackamole · 07/09/2011 12:35

I know it was 7 pages ago, but what Reality said.

What a bitch. If that was me, I think I'd just say I would pass it up to higher management/HR/Union/whatever and would be taking my holiday which had been on the agenda Since Feb.

What a bitch. I work, I have children, I would NEVER dream of behaving how that woman has.

CardyMow · 07/09/2011 12:35

I don't EXPECT it to be my colleagues problem - but if I take leave then, I am not leaving the remaining colleagues as short staffed as I would be if I had to take unpaid parental leave, as there would then be TWO people off that day, rather than just one.

And yes, Kelly2000, in an ideal world, all Ex-P's would be responsible enough to help out at those times. Mine isn't. But then it isn't HIS responsibility (as he sees it), it's MINE. He was like that when we were together too - part of the reason he walked out was because I was trying to get him to accept more responsibility towards the family! WTF can I do then?

Can I MAKE my DD's father travel 500 miles to look after her for those two days? NO

Can I make my Ex-H not go to Gloucstershire to visit his In-laws with his new partner (the In'laws won't have DS1 there as he's not their blood relation). NO

Can I make my Ex-p take time off that he isn't allowed to take (or bloody wants to take as it's MY job, in his eyes) to have DS2 & DS3?? NO

SOMEONE has to look after the dc, be it childcare or me. END OF.

I can either try my best to do that whilst holding down a crappy, low paid job, or I can stay at home on benefits. THAT is the choice.

flippinada · 07/09/2011 12:36

"It just assumes children are more imprtant than anything in their lives."

Oddly enough kelly, a lot of parents do feel that way. That their children are the most important thing in their lives. Peculiar isn't it, but there you go.

flippinada · 07/09/2011 12:37

Exactly Blu!!!

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