To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

[Islandlady]

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

Can I just ask again, can people who are 'helpfully' pointing out to loudlass that she's awfully selfish for trying to plan leave and thus minimise disruption in the office, explain what lone parents without support supposed to do?

Should we all stay at home on benefits so that other people without caring responsibilities are not inconvenienced?

Sorry, I've made an assumption there loudlass. I realise you might not work in an office!

mistle,
the thread title makes a point of saying some, not all, working mothers take the piss. And some, but not all, do, just as some, but not all men are pigs, some upper calls people are poncy but not all. The bully plainy stated she was behaving like this as she was a working mother, and her supporters backed this up. The only person who has stereotyped working mothers and given them a bad name is the bully.

Maryz, I have been in the same position. At a previous unit I was Single (DH was DP then) and Childless. Easter, Summer and Xmas was always 'Block Leave' ie everyone took the same time off.

Every Block Leave there needs to be a Guard (6 people) a duty Senior and a duty Officer on camp.

EVERY leave period I had a duty. The married accompanied personnel very rarely, the married accompanied with kids NEVER.

In 5 years I spent 2 very miserable Xmas days in my room, on my own, in camp. One of which was after I was married, but DH was away so apparently I wouldn't be socialising anyway.

OK so Easter and Summer Hols didn't really bother me, but Xmas always did - I wanted to go home (300 miles) and see my parents and hey, be spoiled just a little bit, but no, Sgt Bloggs whose wife and child were only 3 miles away needed to be off duty more than me.....

(and that's why, now that I am a working parent myself, I would NEVER assume that childless/unmarried colleagues don't mind covering Xmas and neither will I allow my fellow parents to assume it either)

kelly2000 perhaps you can answer my question, as the idea of parents booking leave at work (how dare they) seems to exercise you quite a lot?

You can get other jobs that don't mean you work xmas day. I have to keep leave for xmas as the office shuts down, maybe look in a different job area which does this, so she has more flexibility on when she takes hols?

Flipinada - I know that having children means you need time off sometimes. I have children, one with SN and I have a job! I already said that I work part time and term time, and there have still been occasions when I have needed time off!

The point is that I know my collegaues have had to cover for me. I know that they have had to put themselves out to accomodate me and my SN child's hospital appointment, so I acknowledge that, thank them, and offer to cover for them whenever I can. I also bust a gut when I'm in to work as well as I possibly can so that I don't give a bad impression of myself, as I'm sure many working Mum's do.

The difference comes when one working Mum says 'I have to have this time off so you just have to deal with it' and another workin Mum says 'I really need to be at this appointment with my child, I'm sorry for the inconvenience it will cause to you and I appreciate your help, and of course I will make up my hours and cover for you in return'.

i dont understand why a parent cannot use parental leave:

"Each parent can take a total of up to 13 weeks' parental leave for each of your children up to their fifth birthday"

Disneyland woman is a petulant spoilt cow (referring to OP). My employer uses the first come first served rule for booking hols. It has also happened that some of us have been asked to cancel hols due to business need (rather than some gobshite deciding she can't be arsed to be organised).

Nowt to do with her fecundity- the woman was probably just as bad pre-DC; unfortunately, she seems (from the OP) to regard DC as an ace to play to get what she wants.

Enjoy Bestival and make sure you go back to work gushing about how fantastic it was!

can someone please explain?

Another colleague still has to cover parental leave RealTilly! And as parental leave is unpaid, many working parents can't afford to use it.

OH FFS! I've lost my post 4 times now!!

flippin,
The point is that children are the responsibility of the parents, not the parent's colleagues. You cannot say in one breath that it is unfair to say working mothers get treated differently or things of that ilk, whilst in the next saying that parents should be able to take Xmas, NY and easter off each and every year at the expense of childless people, and if they do not get to do this it is unfair as they are parents so have to have those days.
One of my friends is a nun who has a full time job as well. She will obviously never have children nevertheless christmas and easter are obviously hugely important to her. Yet people on here seem to think that because of her beliefs she should have to miss out on celebrtaing these days properly, and only men and women who have had sex and become parents should get the automatic right. That is discrimination giving parents first dibs on these holidays, as it is basiclyu saying to people that unless they have sex, and produce a child they get treated as less important.
If people take these holidays off on a year on, year off basis that gives them nearly two years to sort out a babysitter, and as not everyone celebrates these days there is no reason childcare cannot be arranged in two years.

"The difference comes when one working Mum says 'I have to have this time off so you just have to deal with it' and another workin Mum says 'I really need to be at this appointment with my child, I'm sorry for the inconvenience it will cause to you and I appreciate your help, and of course I will make up my hours and cover for you in return'."

I understand what you're saying slaveto, and I agree with this, but it did appear that loudlass was being picked on a bit. And sagain it;s not just working mums who do this!

Plus, some posters aren't acknowledging that it's a lot harder wrt leave/time off working as an LP. That's just a simple statement of fact. And I do know it's hard for all parents.

fair enough for a role when someelse else has to cover, small sized team etc. then there is a practical problem for all involved, but you cannot say 'although i have a right to unpaid parental leave , i want to be at the front of the queue for holidays'.

I DO understand that it is an inconvenience to my colleagues to have to cover for me on these days - but it is an INCONVENIENCE for then, ESSENTIAL for me.

I also try my best to cover colleagues holidays, and days off, during term time, when it is SLIGHTLY easier for me to find childcare (often a willing friend who would only have to look after dc after school).

kelly,
If someone decides to have children, childcare is their responsibility. I have no problem with people booking holidays, but people who try to book the same holidays especially christmas, NY and easter each and every year are taking the piss, regardless of why they do it.

I work, I have children, I'm single, I have two childminders and friends who are willing to help out (on a reciprocal basis) with my girls in case of emergencies.

I arrange childcare way in advance but I also work in a flexible environment where if I were truly stuck I could take my girls in to work.

The odd emergency is understandable the woman in the OP is taking the piss and has nothing to do with being a mum.

"One of my friends is a nun who has a full time job as well. She will obviously never have children nevertheless christmas and easter are obviously hugely important to her. Yet people on here seem to think that because of her beliefs she should have to miss out on celebrtaing these days properly, and only men and women who have had sex and become parents should get the automatic right. That is discrimination giving parents first dibs on these holidays, as it is basiclyu saying to people that unless they have sex, and produce a child they get treated as less important.

Somehow, and this is just a wild guess, I doubt that other nuns are going to need time off for parental leave kelly.

Surely you can come up with a better example than that!

I don't mind taking the leave as unpaid parental leave, either, as it's just a necessity for me to be at home those days, as my dc cannot be left alone. But if I can take it as leave, causing LESS disruption to my workplace (otherwise there will be me off on unpaid parental leave AND someone on booked leave too), then I will.

Also, retail, someone has to be in work on Christmas Day, even if the shop is not open to the public. Sales start on Boxing Day, some poor bastard HAS to be there putting reduced stickers on things for people with more money than them to get their sales bargains. The stickers weren't there on Christmas eve, are there on Boxing day - they don't appear there by magic!!

Flip,
It is difficult to not make it seem as if I am picking on loudlass as she has used her example. I do not mean to pick on her, but I stand by that in a work environment, holidays like Christmas need to be shared, and if you get them off one year then the next you work it. If you try to take them off every year at the expense of others then you are taking the piss. And if you are a lone parent, then unless one parent is dead the responsibility is on both parents whether they like it or not to either look after the children, or pay for extra childcare.

Flip,
I said she had a full time job. She is a doctor and works in a hospital. Not all nuns live cloistered lives and wera robes, plenty have normal jobs and dress in fairly normal clothes.

BUT even in two years - where the fuck do you find childcare on CHRISTMAS FUCKING DAY??!! It would have to be paid childcare, as no-one but no-one is going to have SOMEONE ELSE'S DC invading their family christmas, are they????