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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my teenaged son to pay us a decent rent now he's working full time?

239 replies

julesbd · 31/08/2011 23:17

My 19 year old son decided after A levels to take a year out, so he's been working full time (at min wage take home £180 per week) for the last 6 months and paying us £25 per wk housekeeping/rent. He was supposed to be starting an HND this Sept, but he's decided to carry on working instead of going to college, which is ok. My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill). We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves. AWBU? Bear in mind he has really good food, internet, nice big warm bedroom, avoids household chores if possible and gets to have his girlfriend to stay. If he lived in a rented flat he'd have to pay way more for much less comfort.
What is an acceptable amount to charge a young worker living at home?

OP posts:

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 01/09/2011 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellhasnofury · 01/09/2011 13:29

YANBU.

I have two adult kids. DD paid rent from the age of 17 as she decided to give up full time education and go into a well paid full time job. At the grand old age of 21 she is now about to go to Uni, she hasn't paid rent for the last year as she was doing a p/t Access to Teaching course and she won't be paying rent until she finishes Uni.

DS has a job that pays well too, if he can afford a brand new car he can afford to stump up a few quid to contribute towards his upkeep. Neither of them would dream of living off mum and dad.

CherylWillBounceBack · 01/09/2011 13:36

@justaboutWILLfinishherthesis

What does the age of my kids have to do with anything?

Be honest with your kids about how much things cost. Teach them about how expensive it is just for the basics early, and not to waste stuff. Show them how to save for things.

Look at the post above from hellhasnofury. Her son has bought a brand new car. Him paying rent has taught him jack shit. If he'd had any sense, he wouldn't be wasting money on a massively depreciating item.

PattySimcox · 01/09/2011 13:43

YANBU for all the reasons already stated.

Our DCs will pay their way once they are working

sundayrose10 · 01/09/2011 13:43

I wouldn't charge board but would save the money for him.

hellhasnofury · 01/09/2011 13:45

We did tell him a pony and trap would be more prudent but he wouldn't listen.

spookshowangellovesit · 01/09/2011 13:49

god when i was 16 and working i paid 200 a month this was 14yrs ago,my mum got a good deal out of e if people are still only charging 50 quid a week.

pigletmania · 01/09/2011 13:53

Yanbu at all, he is a working adult so should be paying his way. I guarantee he would pay a lot more than that if he were to go it alone. Ok you might not need the money, that's beside the point, you are teaching him personal responsibility.

RobynLou · 01/09/2011 13:55

A school friend of mine was very upset that her parents charged her rent and board when she lived at home in her late teens/early 20s.

later on she was really pleased they had because without telling her they put all the 'rent' away in a savings account to help her out later on.

If we can afford to do that when the DDs are older we will.

CherylWillBounceBack · 01/09/2011 13:58

It teaches nothing of the sort. If he's not paying the bills directly, do the washing, get the shopping etc then simply handing over cash is teaching nothing other than restricting his own ability to save.

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 01/09/2011 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tyler80 · 01/09/2011 14:01

I personally think that taking a smaller amount of rent and expecting help around the house is a better life lesson than taking a higher rent and still doing all the cooking/washing/ironing/cleaning.

pigletmania · 01/09/2011 14:04

Cheryl what planet are you from, he is an adult earner so has a responsibility to contribute towards the bills, he is not a child fgs. At about 16 many years ago my half brother was in the navey away frm home serving his country. We are talking abot 37 years ago

CherylWillBounceBack · 01/09/2011 14:06

Precisely tyler.

@justabout... I didn't just write one line as you well know. I explained that teaching how to save and not living a consumerist lifestyle is a better example to set than handing over cash. Don't have kids, but it's what I've observed from my friends and my (and their and my parents) different philosophies on money.

If you don't think that makes me eligible to comment, fair enough.

pigletmania · 01/09/2011 14:06

It's not a lot considering he would have to pay between £80-100 if he shared a house.

hellhasnofury · 01/09/2011 14:08

scuttles off to research chimney sweep apprenticeships

Both kids pay bills they pay for their phones, car insurance, car running costs, club memberships etc. They also help from the house, neither of them are opposed to chipping in with housework etc, ditto shopping. DD may not pay rent but from time to time she'll buy groceries if I need a few bits from the shop and she's the one passing Tesco or where ever.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/09/2011 14:11

Who said anything about doing their chores? If I were cooking for the whole family - yes, but I would expect somebody that age (and younger) to do their own washing and ironing. Paying rent doesn't mean that you get a 'skivvy' thrown in.

If they lived away from home they'd have to do their own stuff, I don't see why it should be different just because they live at home.

tyler80 · 01/09/2011 14:13

As a child I was always aware of the cost of food because we took our calculators to the supermarket and tried to see if we could get the same figure at the end as the till

Was easier in those days, less buy one get one free etc.!

BlueFergie · 01/09/2011 14:14

Cheryl Brilliant philosophy .

My kids aren't teenagers and even I know your theory that 'bringing them up right' will mean they won't ever have to learn lessons for themselves is utter bullshit. All the theory in the world isn't the same as actual experience. Taht applies to everything in life not just paying your own way.

tyler80 · 01/09/2011 14:15

Lying

The colleagues I know who charge their teenage/early twenties children rent still treat them very much like children. I accept that this isn't the case for everyone.

hellhasnofury · 01/09/2011 14:17

The kids have always helped around the house, it's an expectation in our family that everyone helps out. No-one was born with the right to expect others to run around after them regardless of whether or not they chip in with the living expenses.

AnyF · 01/09/2011 14:19

ha ! Tyler...you think you were a geek

when I was a kid I was obsessed with Wimbledon and used to have my own chalk scoreboard that I would update with every point scored....for hours on end

my parents thought it was great

they used to sneak off upstairs for a lie down, as I was unable to leave my post as scorer

can't think why ...

CherylWillBounceBack · 01/09/2011 14:24

That's what I was like as well Tyler. At the end of the day, it will come down to the individual as to whether they are able to grasp fiscal responsibility or not, and none of this stuff will help with that.

I complete agree BlueFergie, my theories and anyone else's are no substitute for experience. You can only try to set the best example you can. My belief from my own experience as a teenager living at home was that paying rent would have had no effect whatsoever on my attitude to money.

sarahtigh · 01/09/2011 14:54

well I think £50 a week is fair enough, while not sure about contributing to mortgage as it won't be theirs when paid off ( or rent as it would be same for you if he moved out) most 19 year old's will eat more than £25 worth of food never mind anything else.

from OP I gether 3 of you live in house you DS and a younger child , i think 1/3 of heating /water/food /phone/internet/sky and 25% of council tax as you will have lost your 25% single person discount now he is earning. I am sure that will add up to more than £50 a week so show him that it costs more than £50 even without rent... add on rent and then he will see its a bargain. I think he should approx 1/3 of chores as he probably goes out weekends he has to cook tea say monday and wednesday and wash/up days he does not cook, vacuum and tidy clean own room and one other either bathroom or living room, do his own laundry or if you do his with yours he is responsible for mowing lawn or something and putting bins out; he should do this willingly to help his mother, otherwise a cleaning fee would have to be addded! I had to do some chores from about age of 7 slowly increasing as got older its normal

he is not paying a B&B which would be closer to £30-50 a night, as someone else said if he thinks too much he can move out and try and do it cheaper.... laughing into sleeve

lachesis · 01/09/2011 15:03

YANBU

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