to expect my teenaged son to pay us a decent rent now he's working full time?

[julesbd]

My 19 year old son decided after A levels to take a year out, so he's been working full time (at min wage take home £180 per week) for the last 6 months and paying us £25 per wk housekeeping/rent. He was supposed to be starting an HND this Sept, but he's decided to carry on working instead of going to college, which is ok. My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill). We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves. AWBU? Bear in mind he has really good food, internet, nice big warm bedroom, avoids household chores if possible and gets to have his girlfriend to stay. If he lived in a rented flat he'd have to pay way more for much less comfort.
What is an acceptable amount to charge a young worker living at home?

I think that anybody that doesn't charge their adult offspring a reasonable rent is just asking for bullshit later on. The 'not taking money off your children' bullshit just generates that ARSEHOLE flatmate who never pays rent on time, ends up being kicked out, takes everything for granted etc etc

I paid £200 a month when I was 18 and working full time. The deal was the as long as I was studying I lived there for free, if I was working I paid rent. £200 was a sodding bargain then, and now is a fucking steal.

My parents changed tack with my idiot younger Sister. She earned very little. They didn't charge her rent because otherwise she would have to borrow money for fags. They have since told me that they did ths because they think they made me too independant

So... yes. DS will be paying a third of his income as rent if he is living at home and not a student. I may keep the money and help him with a deposit when he moves out - I haven't decided yet.

at red onion. OP your suggestion sounds absolutely fair. Nothing to stop you bunging him some cash at his birthday/Christmas to go towards his car insurance if you want to, but in terms of his month-to-month living YANBU.

I was fortunate that my 2 eldest left home, nudged towards the door, to take up training schemes miles away, OH and I said we'd always charge a reasonable amount if they'd stayed at home and were working (not working wasn't/isn't an option) but save half of what they paid us towards a deposit for their own place.

I think the £100 a month he already pays is enough. I dont get why parents would charge their children rent either, its there home. The money he pays now would cover his food.

The Rent-a-Room scheme is set at £250/month. In that light, £50/week is a bargain. If he's horrified, I'd simply suggest he tried living on that elsewhere. There comes a time (and 19 is probably old enough) where you have to make home rather less cushy... otherwise they'll never leave.

Charge him £50 or £60 rent, but put £20-£30 aside each week to start saving for his deposit for when he wants to move out. Just don't tell him.

I think it's important to consider more than just the money

50 pound a week for full parent service, i.e. washing/ironing, all meals etc. is a bargain and v.reasonable.

My parents charged me v. little but on the understanding that I cooked meals 3/4 nights a week, general household stuff, picked up bits from the shops when passing, did all my own washing, drove my mum to work everyday etc. It was an arrangement that worked well for all of us, I preferred keeping more money, my mum and dad preferred not having to cook every night.

OP, about his car insurance, has he got a quote for adding you as a named driver? Sometimes that can put the premium down. (I don't mean taking it out in your name, that could invalidate the insurance if he is the main user).

On the rent/housekeeping. YANBU. When I worked full time, I volunteered to pay my parents, I thought it was only fair. And I like the idea of sitting him down with your household budget/expenses, it might give him an idea what to expect when he leaves home, if nothing else.

Nope.

I took 2 gap years before I went to uni and lived with my Mum whilst working in the city. I paid her £100 a week and that seemed like a bargain to me! She bought all the food, covered all the bills and council tax and let me use her car, so it would have been unreasonable of me not to pay.

My DM never charged my DB rent. It was because she didn't want her baby to leave home 'so he could save up for a house'. Result was that he finally left aged 29, had no clue about finances, had not saved up a house depost and is constantly up to his armpits in debt. Phrases about reaping and sowing spring to mind...

When my daughter left full time education, I quite rightly lost working tax credit and child benefit on her behalf.

She earns £15K a year - tell me why I should be worse off and sacrificing things when she has this disposable money to herself and lives rent free? I have a younger child to fund through college. It's only fair and right to accept a reasonable contribution towards living expenses. Where else would they live rent free?

And to those appalled at charging your 'children' rent - at that age they are not children. They are responsible adults, old enough to be married, drive, be a parent, vote, etc, etc, etc. Time to think of them as such.

It depends what he's doing with his money. If he's spending it all on clothes and beer then fair enough. If you could convince him to start saving like mad for a house deposit then I wouldn't charge him rent.

'And I would wager that the Mumsnetters who always pop up on these threads saying they would never take a penny from ickle johnny are currently changing his nappies, and have NO IDEA what it is like to house a grown man.'

I suspect you are right.
OP, I think you are being very fair and reasonable, but I would share how much household bills are with him. It is a life skill that he will need, knowing all of the elements involved in living independently in your own home.
Charging him a reasonable amount in order to cover the services he is using is, in my opinion, what a responsible parent would do. He is 19, not 12.
Otherwise you are running the risk of turning out a very self-centred young man, like the ones constantly referred to on threads here who don't see why they shouldn't play golf or go on exotic jaunts if their househo;d needs to meet essential bills.
I don't charge my two as they are still in FT education, but if one of them was earning a decent wage, I would take money for food, heating, showers, internet..things that are extra because of their presence. They cost around £20 a week each in food alone.
DD is already responsible for her own budgeting; entertainment, transport costs, clothing and shoes. They both do their own ironing.
Paying your way is one of the ways you become aware of your responsibilities.

you are being slightly unreasonable in that you haven't asked for more, 60 pounds would be better. It would be irresponsible not to take a fair contribution. He needs to learn to survive when he no longer has parents to partially support him and he won't find somewhere to live and to feed himself even on 60 pounds a week. If he is unhappy with the amount of money he has left it might encourage him to look for a better paid job.

Do sit him down with a newspaper to look at the costs of renting a room and then show him the bills he'd have to pay on top of that.

My parents didn't charge me any rent once I started work but within 2 months of starting work I was house hunting and moved out within 7 months. I think they realised I was serious about going and was using all my money to buy washing machines and wardrobes, etc.

It's all about responsibility and respect for your parents.

I dont get why parents would charge their children rent either, its there home.

When do you suggest an adult should contribute to their living costs? my brother was a bit of a boomerang - he pitched up back home when he was 46! By your reckoning it was his home and should be the eternal ponce!!! He's found things very difficult since our parents died and he has no safety net any more.

By the same token, my 16yo no longer gets pocket money. He is bone idle and although going to 6th form college I most certainly do not work to fund his social life and recent smoking habit. All that now comes when he gets off his backside and gets a job. The squeeze is now on - once his mates start getting cars and trotting off to Shagaloof on blokes only holidays he'll have to pull his finger out.

I think £50 is about right.

Because it is:

• enough to make him realise that rent/food/laundry/heat and light will always take up a significant part of his income.

• significantly less than he would be paying out were he renting a room in a flat, and when he DOES do that, he will appreciate how much you subsidised him

I actually believe that having an earning-full-time-money DC in the house and letting them live rent free is doing them no favours.

If I was so well off I didn't need the money at all I'd still charge it, then put it secretly in an account towards a deposit for them when they want to buy their own place. Or spend it on gin.

Yanbu, especially as children are living at home for longer and longer these days. You might be doing yourself and him a favour if you can save some of it for him so that he has a deposit one day in the dim and distant future

I think £50 a week is a bargain. When I was a similar age and earning a few thousand a year (it was 24 years ago) I was paying £25 a week.

I think I'd charge him a third of the weekly groceries bill but not charge rent as such - that would probably be about £50 anyway, I'm guessing?

When I suggested to my DS (now in his second summer at home during uni) that he contribute to groceries from his summer wages he thought I'd taken leave of my senses! He argued tht if he didnt get a job, there's be nothing I could take from him anyway! Interesting take on life.... I know that's slightly different as he's saving to be able to afford to live for the rest of the year, but it shows the teens maybe have not quite grasped the realities of life yet...

'He argued tht if he didnt get a job, there's be nothing I could take from him anyway! '

Other than not letting him come 'home' in the holidays now he's an adult.
Let him sofa-surf and rely on the goodwill of others, then he might be less glib. My DD's housemate has managed by the skin of his teeth and two holiday jobs.

If he's decided not to continue in further education, but to go out to work, he is now part of the adult world, full time.

I would tell him that it's not unreasonable now to expect him to move out into his own flat, and start looking in your local paper/estate agents' window for flats to rent, and working out with him just how much it would cost him.

My nephew has his own flat, with his girlfriend, in Leeds, and they pay £500 a month just for rent. That's before any bills. (Oh, and we're not talking about a swish, City-type, loft-style apartment, just an average/small 1 bedroom flat).

You don't, of course, have to insist that he leaves home, but it will illustrate to him just how expensive it is to be an independent adult.

This will do two things. First, it will make sure he is well aware of the cost of living and how much he needs to do to make sure he can afford it. Second, it will make him appraise whether or not he has made the right decision, and whether or not he might actually prefer to go back into full-time education.

Those of you who refuse to take any rent from your children are ensuring that they become those who have, to use Mumsnet Bingo, a massive sense of entitlement and who will not take any responsibility for themselves, just assuming that other people will pay their way.

Well in 1988 at age 16 I took home £480 per month and paid my parents £240 per month - £60 per week! It was alot more than alot of friends but worked out the same as a room in a shared house with the luxury of coming home to a cooked meal (as opposed to cooking myself), heating, phone bill (then just the land line), hotwater - of which I mush have used loads of to keep my 80's perm in tip top condition!! My mum did my laundry along with everyone elses. My parents didnt raise the rent as at 18 I then had to pay my own Poll tax ontop of that as well. I also used to have to pay for my own bus pass etc to get to and from work, all my own clothes and everything.

It was made clear to me before I left school that I once I was working full time I had to pay a decent rent and support myself with regards to clothes, driving lessons, cars etc etc.

I really think £50 per week is very fair! Look at how much rooms in shared houses are in your area, then factor in the bills and all that and I expect you'll son will realise he is onto a good deal. He is bound to be pissed off initially especially if this has never been discussed - perhaps in hindsight it should have been mentioned before he decided not to go back to college, but hey, its a good lesson in life. None of us know what rises are around the corner and its not like you are profiteering from him.

I used to pay £25 per week 20 years ago!
My dad said that we had to pay third for rent, third for savings, and third for spends. I wasn't so good at the savings bit though.