to expect my teenaged son to pay us a decent rent now he's working full time?

[julesbd]

My 19 year old son decided after A levels to take a year out, so he's been working full time (at min wage take home £180 per week) for the last 6 months and paying us £25 per wk housekeeping/rent. He was supposed to be starting an HND this Sept, but he's decided to carry on working instead of going to college, which is ok. My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill). We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves. AWBU? Bear in mind he has really good food, internet, nice big warm bedroom, avoids household chores if possible and gets to have his girlfriend to stay. If he lived in a rented flat he'd have to pay way more for much less comfort.
What is an acceptable amount to charge a young worker living at home?

[Bogeyface]

How did he take it Jules? My DS was not impressed when he was informed he would be expected to pay up, right up until I drew him up a budget of what he would need to pay on a place of his own. Funnily enough, I have never had a single word of argument since and he always pays up on payday without having to be asked! :o

[julesbd]

Thanks all, he's now going to be paying his way x

[PerAr6ua]

Oh there's some weird maths on this thread, and then it got ranty and I stopped reading. But YANBU. Part of raising kids is giving them life skills, and that doesn't stop at wiping their own bums. Demonstrating what living actually costs, and insisting that an adult who's decided not to go to college but earn money instead should contribute to some of those costs, is hardly unreasonable but I think desirable.

And he should be doing chores. With you if necessary, but to see what it takes to be clean, fed, clothed etc.

MIL actively kept her kids out of the kitchen for years. DH can cook one meal (which he'll get the bits for then let them go off in the fridge), DSIL grazes on salad unless someone else is cooking for her. Theory doesn't work - practice does.

[lettinggo]

Of course he should be paying more. When I lived with my parents, I handed up 1/4 of my take home pay. If I'm honest, I hated handing it over and thought they were mean to take it from me (and the reality is I've been given it back many times over) but now I'm all growed up I can see they were teaching me responsibility and I'll be doing the same with my children when they're older.

YANBU and neither is your DH.

[sayithowitis]

Like Longtime, I don't see how anyone can say that having adult children in the house makes no noticeable changes to the household costs. When DC1 is away at university, our food bill reduces by around a quarter and rises proportionally when home during vacations. Equally, our electricity, gas, phone are always higher during the time DC1 is home from university. Unless those who claim the changes are insignificant never eat, never wash themselves, their clothes their bedding etc, never use the phone, don't use their computer/hairdryer/etc. And even if some of those costs are small, when taken as a whole, it is a significant sum of money. Now, as long as DC1 is at university and is working to pay the rent on the accommodation during the months that they are at home, I am happy to bear the cost of food etc. But, when university is finished and DC1 is in a proper (ie: not temporary) job, then I will take housekeeping. Not because I want to get rich off the back of my child, but to help cover what it actually costs for them to live here. And when DC2 gets a job, I will also take money for housekeeping.

When I had children, I understood that I would have to commit to supporting them financially until such time as they were adults and capable of earning a living. I have done that. And I will continue to subsidise them whilst they are at home, but subsidising them does not mean that DH and I should continue to struggle to pay the bills and not even manage a couple of nights away for a holiday, whilst the DCs get to keep all their money and have several holidays a year.

And before anyone suggests I am jealous of them having holidays, I am not, I am merely using that as an example. I could also say that why should DH and I struggle to keep an ageing car on the road whilst they can afford to have a brand new car. Or whatever. the point is that DH and I should not have to struggle to maintain our modest lifestyle whilst our DCs are flashing the cash and living here for free.

[skybluepearl]

Give him the following choice -

Pay 25 AND he must do half an hour of jobs each day including cooking one family meal a week

OR pay 50 and continue as thing are presently with you looking after him.

I think enabling him to learn to look after himself within a household is more important than getting every last bob out of him. If you do go down the 50 quid route then maybe you could secretly save half of it and put it towards his next big out going (wedding/car/house?)

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

Ha ha , be careful what you wish for .....

[backwardpossom]

Hear hear!

[Bogeyface]

Another vote for Mrs DV for Prime Minister here too :o

[AnyFucker]

MrsDV, you have consistently spoken the most sense on this thread

Will you be my mummy, please

[JarethTheGoblinKing]

Nicely put, MrsDV

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

AIBU to think that I should charge my 5 year old rent for living in my house?

Yes! Yes you are, you are a disgrace woman.

AIBU to think that an adult with an income should contribute to their own living costs whilst living in my house.

Why no, not at all, why wouldnt you expect an adult to pay at least some of their way?

Can you see the difference there?

HTH

[RosemaryandThyme]

oooh I know Balloon - I was thinking of washing the bed linen, his poor mum.

[BalloonSlayer]

"His girlfriend should not be staying over - just plain yicky."

He is NINETEEN! An adult.

[alemci]

Cheryl very curious how have the previous generations committing financial crimes enabled the OP to have a large house?

[RosemaryandThyme]

His girlfriend should not be staying over - just plain yicky.

[Longtime]

I can see your point re affording property A1980 but I do think you're exaggerating what you're reading and being rather unfair on the OP.

I think it comes down to the way the dc is living his/her life. If we could afford it and my ds had that much money left over, was saving some of it (in an attempt to eventually get on the property ladder) and spending some of it I would think that was great and not want to charge him more. If however he was spending every cent of it on frivilous things I think I would be more inclined to ask him for more. I would then do what has been suggested here and save the extra for him but I'd still take it.

I have to say that our electricity/gas bills are much lower when our two adult ds's are away at university (they spend a lot of time in their rooms with various electrical items on the go plus there are the long showers and piles of washing). Ditto the food bill - about half in fact as dd and I eat much less than them and dh is out at work all day.

In addition, the loss of family allowance for a third child here in Belgium is approximately ?300/month. That money has to come from somewhere!

[A1980]

I agree cheryl. This generation will struggle to afford property and i certainly can't afford it. the Op's son will never afford a big house like them but they're both pissed off that he has £50 a week left to spend. Beggars belief and I feel sorry for their son.

[A1980]

It was hard. It's ok now. I've been qualified for a while but i'm not in an area of law that very profitable although I enjoy it. I'll be out of debt in a year. I can afford more now.

I still don't own property and I split up with my DP after he backed out on fertility treatment.

My brothers married, own house, etc. More secure than me. In fact i have no security at all.

[littlemisssarcastic]

Sounds like it was hard A1980

How are things now? I'm thinking your life is probably far nicer than your brothers now. I hope so.

[CherylWillBounceBack]

At the end of the day, did your children ask to be born?

No.

Stop acting like you'ré doing him a favour, sitting there in a house he can barely dream of ever affording thanks to the generations before him committing financial crimes.

What a warped sense of responsibility towards the lives you created some of you have.

[A1980]

Littlemiss I'm not surprised he's your XP!

I hope your brother appreciates what your mother did for him and has propelled himself into independent living now.

Appreciate it?! Not my brother. He lives independantly now but he's an ungrateful pig.

God life was miserable back then when i was a trainee. It was work and bed with a can of heinz spag hoops for lunch. I declined every lunch offer, coffee offer, dinner offer, no outings, no holidays and I mooched about at weekends finding free things to do. If I needed new clothes / shoes (as you do at work) it went on the credit card and more debt it what it meant. That went on for about 2 years.

[littlemisssarcastic]

My XP's mother had the same opinion as you A1980.
She thought about how much XP cost to feed, and charged him accordingly.

Subsequently, he assumed this status quo was perfectly adequate wherever he lived. Anyone who asked him for more was ripping him off.

When he moved in with me, he refused to contribute towards rent/council tax/telephone line rental/tv licence/sky/internet/window cleaner, because in his own words, 'You would be paying that whether I was there or not, so I'm not paying towards those things'.
He contributed very little towards the other bills, because as he saw it, they were my responsibilities, since they were in my name.

He didn't differentiate between his mums house and mine, and he hasn't changed his attitude through 5 partners since we split. He is almost 30 now and it's unlikely he'll change his attitude now.

I know of a few other men who also think this way too. They believe it is a woman's role to look after them.

I hope your brother appreciates what your mother did for him and has propelled himself into independent living now.