to expect my teenaged son to pay us a decent rent now he's working full time?

[julesbd]

My 19 year old son decided after A levels to take a year out, so he's been working full time (at min wage take home £180 per week) for the last 6 months and paying us £25 per wk housekeeping/rent. He was supposed to be starting an HND this Sept, but he's decided to carry on working instead of going to college, which is ok. My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill). We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves. AWBU? Bear in mind he has really good food, internet, nice big warm bedroom, avoids household chores if possible and gets to have his girlfriend to stay. If he lived in a rented flat he'd have to pay way more for much less comfort.
What is an acceptable amount to charge a young worker living at home?

[troisgarcons]

'He argued tht if he didnt get a job, there's be nothing I could take from him anyway!


What a massive sense of entitlement he has (not just him but some people in general) that other people somehow owe them.

I sympathise with the OP entirely. I have this attitude with my 16yo all the time. And I have no idea where he gets it from. School I think. The majority of his form came from backgrounds I wouldnt have particularly wished to socialise with on any scale and very few of the parents seem to work. I do detest outside influences. But then, what can you expect when COPE qualifications include a module on claiming benefits?

[troisgarcons]

May I have a small hijack and a ranty moment? Seems an approipriate thread!

Son: when do you get income support paid???
Me: dur we work, why would we get income support?
Son: all my mates mums get it so I thought you would

Son: how do I get Jobseekers?
Me: The clue is in the word! Try seeking a job! But you are too young to get it anyway.

[ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin]

My DD is living in a shared house and they are working out food, bills and the rest between the five of them, all students. If one refused to take onboard their fair share, they would look for another flatmate.
You are not helping your children grow into adulthood if you let them stay dependent forever. It isn't to do with loving them less, but loving them enough to skill them enough to manage well independently.

[TrillianAstra]

Do you still feed him? Put him in charge of making dinner for everyone one day a week. And continue to charge at least £50.

An evening of looking through what it would cost for him to live in a houseshare would soon put him out of any idea that he is hard done by.
Remember:
rent
food/toiletries/cleaning supplies
council tax
gas
electricity
water
internet/phone
insurance

[Bumpinthenight]

I used to pay £200 a month rent to my parents. My take home pay was about £600. I had a car to run and a 20 mile round trip to work - sometimes twice a day. It was shit. I had zero money!

But....

It inspired me to get a better job because when I did get my 'proper' job and brought home £1500 a month my rent stayed the same.

Maybe you could try selling it that way.

[Piggles]

My mother offered a choice when I lived with her once I was earning full time.

Either I paid her a flat 100 quid a week for my keep and didn't lift a finger or I went and did all the grocery shopping for both of us (and paid for it) and did all the packed lunch making and evening meal cooking and all the clearing away afterwards. I also had to do all the washing and ironing for both of us and clean the bathroom and hoover on sundays.

So you see, I chose to be the budget shopper/cook/washer-upper/housekeeper and although my mum got no actual cash from me, she did get nice meals provided every evening, a packed lunch ready every work day and a clean house and clean ironed clothes with no effort on her part. It also taught me food shopping savvy and how to plan cheap but decent meals and take care of myself - very smart thinking on my mum's part I think.

I do think that once children are earning more than pocket change they do need to appreciate what they have and what their parents provide - either by forking out significantly from their wages to help cover their living costs and/or by helping around the house. Either (or both) teaches them that life is not free.

Being allowed to keep behaving like little kids - everything paid and done for them - does most of them no favours in the long term and does not prepare them for the shock of real life and the fact of most of your paycheck vanishing into the simple costs of living.

Though if kids are slavishly working and saving for a deposit on a house of their own I do agree that slack can be cut with no harm done as they clearly already have a 'serious' direction for their money and aren't just enjoying having more to fritter while their parents continue to fork out for their basics.

[mousymouse]

I would charge him the 50 or even 60 pounds.
just make sure you treat the children equally.
when I started working full time I had to give my parent 300? a months off my wages whilst my student sister didn't pay anything even though she earned much more in her spare time as a musician. I am still not over this unfairness!

[Petesmum]

DS in question would have far less disposable income if he were at Uni and an ever growing debt to pay for tuition.
I'd point this out to him as well as sitting down with him to run through household running costs AND help him calculate the cost of living in a flat on his own. £50 a week won't seem half as bad then!
Afraid it's time for him to join the real world

[BetsyBoop]

YANBU

I would make a list of household expenses
council tax
water rate
electric
gas
phone
broadband
contents insurance
food
etc
rent if renting, but probably not fair to include mortage cost as house isn't "his", but cost of "renting" his room instead
then divide by three (apart from his room rent) (3 wage-earning adults in house I think?) or even by 5 to take account of your resonsibilities for the other two children.
He will soon realise £50 or £60 a week is a bargain

Can't understand those who don't charge adult wage-earning children "rent", it's doing them no favours. If you genuinely don't need the money, there is nothing to stop you secretly saving it for them for house deposit etc. later

[ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin]

My friend has three adult children at home, she charges them a % of their wages as their salaries are very different.

[JamaicaGeisha]

I would take 70 quid or something but I would only use what I needed to use, save the rest, and let them take it back when they leave home for deposit or whatever.

[HorridCold]

YADNBU - When I was on a YTS Scheme (yes many years ago) and earned £35 a week, my DParents took £17.50 from me!

I didn't argue, I just paid it.

So he's very lucky that he's only going to be paying £50!

[quirrelquarrel]

I think you're being a bit U.
He's your son and he's not 21 yet.
You could always take £50 from him, save half of it and give it back when he's 21. That way, when he does move out, he's got enough to land on his feet with.
Although it hardly teaches responsibility, if that's what you're trying to do.
But honestly, if you need the money (be offended if you like, but I'm just curious), why did you have four kids? I think rent should only be taken from your kids when they're still teenagers to teach them something.

[Misspixietrix]

YNBU When i was at college I started PT work and brought home £50 a week, my mum started charging me £20 a week rent, all bills paid etc and my food cooked for me, yes I kicked off and thought she was being unfair, cue 10years, 2 children to provide for and a house to rent and keep, I would give my right arm to only be paying that again! :O I think you would be more unreasonable if you didn't teach him these responsibilities now if that makes sense? x

[julesbd]

Re: Quirrelquarrel: 'But honestly, if you need the money (be offended if you like, but I'm just curious), why did you have four kids? I think rent should only be taken from your kids when they're still teenagers to teach them something.'
I have 3 children, not 4, and DH and I are able to support them all, especially as we work very hard to grow our own fruit, veg and eggs in our spare time. I just feel that as he is now in the adult world of work, having shunned further study for now, he should contribute a fair amount to the household. He used to do more chores for us, but now seems to think that he 'doesn't have time' because he works - all he does is wash up twice a week. His car insurance is the cheapest we can get and has myself on it, and yes, I had to stump up money for it from money I was saving for him for college fees/house deposit.
I have told him to write down his experditure for this month and I will write down the household expenses - then we'll compare the two.
The other problem is that his father, who hasn't worked for years, doesn't ask him for anything for keep when he goes there for the weekend.

[Pandemoniaa]

Anyone in full-time education or working towards a gap year going travelling and working (ie. not 12 months sat on the sofa smoking spliffs) lived rent free in all the households that make up our extended family.

Anyone who was working full-time after uni or after had decided not to go to uni paid rent. This was never a huge amount but certainly £50 a week out of £180 would have been appropriate.

It's never good to encourage your teenagers to think that they can live comfortably at someone else's expense and it is extremely good for them to learn how to budget. Apart from anything else, £50 is a complete steal given the realistic cost of living away from home.

[Pandemoniaa]

Gah! That should read "anyone who had decided not to go to uni paid rent".

[mummymccar]

Fantastic idea OP and I think that you've set a fair amount.
My mum & dad asked me to pay £50 a month when I started working part time during school & uni years that I was living at home. I really kicked off at first because nobody else I knew was paying anything but it actually meant that I had to keep a tighter check on my finances and taught me a lot about financial responsibility. My sister couldn't find a regular job (only seasonal work) at the same age as me and so didn't pay any rent. When she left home she really struggled because she'd never had any experience about paying rent, etc and my parents had to borrow money from all over the family to help her out.
I'm sure those are two very extreme and narrow examples, but I think it really helped me so I shall be charging my DCs rent when they start earning enough too.

[alemci]

I think £50 is very reasonable. I can't wait for mine to contribute a bit. I am sick of constantly paying out for them.

If you can afford it, you could put it in a savings account for him.

I remember getting really annoyed with my dad when he asked to pay my share of the pol tax after the rates were abolished.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Not unreasonable at all. The "it's their home" that people are banging on about does actually have to be paid for, by the other people whose "home" it is too. My parents took very little money from me and I'm absolutely rubbish with money.

[CherylWillBounceBack]

My parents never charged me rent. They knew I already realised the value of money and saving, so there was nothing to be taught. I pointed out by handing it back to them, we'd be increasing the inheritance tax liability later on.

I am the most frugal person I know.

Conversely, some of my friends who were charged rent are profiligate. I think the attitude is innate. Some people grasp saving, some don't.

So the answer is, I don't think it really matters.

[BalloonSlayer]

"But honestly, if you need the money (be offended if you like, but I'm just curious), why did you have four kids?"

Quirrelquarrel are you for real?

How old/rich to you think DCs should be before you stop paying for everything for them?

45 and earning £100,000 a year as Futures Trader?

Bloody Hell, I know we are not living in the past, but I was un-encouraged (wouldn't go so far as to say discouraged) to go to University, and was encouraged to leave school, get a job and pay my way at 16. My Dad started work at 14 and would have given all his wages straight to his Mum, as later he gave his unopened wage packet straight to my Mum. Many families around the world today have more children rather than less in the hope that the family as a whole will be richer due to the number of people working. I am not saying that any of these things are right, but they are probably far more normal, that is to say commonplace, in a loving family than parents going without so that their full-time-waged adult children can eat all their food, run up their bills and spend all their own money on themselves.

[woowoo2]

YABU.

You are taking a token payment from him so he is contributing already, but he is young and i do believe that he should enjoy his youth without the temptation of applying for credit cards/loans etc to keep up with his friends

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Absolutely right, OP. If you don't teach your DS this then where is he going to learn it from. I question how infantilising parents really want to be when they don't teach this lesson. It's going to hit their kids hard when they do eventually leave home... if they ever do.

It's a really valuable lesson and I think one-third of his pay sounds about right. He's not a student, he wants to carry on working, this will make him give that serious thought and he may reconsider. If not, he'll be paying his way and that's what we're supposed to be doing as parents.

[CherylWillBounceBack]

What on earth is all this 'Where else is he going to learn it from?' stuff which you all are talking about?

You should all have brought them up in the right way in the first place - showing them how to be prudent and sustainable in the way they live. That way, they can keep their money, and learn to invest it rather than simply handing it back to you lot for expenses that really should be considered as soon as you decided to have kids.