to expect my teenaged son to pay us a decent rent now he's working full time?

[julesbd]

My 19 year old son decided after A levels to take a year out, so he's been working full time (at min wage take home £180 per week) for the last 6 months and paying us £25 per wk housekeeping/rent. He was supposed to be starting an HND this Sept, but he's decided to carry on working instead of going to college, which is ok. My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill). We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves. AWBU? Bear in mind he has really good food, internet, nice big warm bedroom, avoids household chores if possible and gets to have his girlfriend to stay. If he lived in a rented flat he'd have to pay way more for much less comfort.
What is an acceptable amount to charge a young worker living at home?

[Georgimama]

It isn't your responsibility to feed your 23 year old son fabby. He is a sentient adult. I was married and working and running a home at his age. In any case I thought your eldest was a trader earning ££££? You are seriously saying he has a job like that yet lives with you and you take nothing from him towards the bills? Apart from anything else a working adult's presence in the house costs a single parent their 25% council tax discount. My mother charged my brother rent when he dropped out of university and got a job as a cleaner not least because him being in the house lost her that 25% discount.

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

I dont think we do our kids any favours by letting them imagine they will get a free ride.

Or buy letting them get into their adult lives without every having to budget.

I think parents who do that are doing it to make themselves feel better rather than to help their children.

I think that is a bit arseholey and disgusting.

[AnyFucker]

hmm, rent for holiday visits ?

< light bulb >

[ilovesooty]

Apparently he;s coming home for two weeks at Christmas Georgimama but Fabby was quite happy to martyr herself and let him freeload prior to that. Excellent point about the 25% council tax.

[Georgimama]

You don't charge for Christmas visits? I plan to this year. I am looking forward to composing my seasonal AIBU thread about it.

[AnyFucker]

I know a family who charge for Xmas dinner

am sure there have been a few AIBU threads about that too

[Bonsoir]

If you can afford to do so, charge him (a) rent, and put it in a savings account for him for a deposit for later (b) board, and put it towards utilities and food. And please, please make him do his own laundry and housework!

[ilovesooty]

Any decent bloke earning that kind of money would offer to buy in some of the Christmas food rather than sponge for two weeks anyway.

[DoMeDon]

YANBU - I would take 2/3 my dc wage - 1/3 for rent and 1/3 to save. If I didn't need the cash I would save it all and give it back when they need it for college/large payment. What you're proposing is fair as he ends up with about 1/3 his wages after all his outgoings. He needs to wake up to the real world.

I paid my parents mortgage payments when I was 20 and my mum had terminal cancer. Not relevant but it's life to pay your way and looking after family goes both ways.

[littlemisssarcastic]

Well, I feel like I should have the moral high ground now tbh, since I am not charging my DS or my mother for Sunday lunch.

I wont be taking a penny from them.

[ilovesooty]

Any decent bloke earning that kind of money would offer to buy in some of the Christmas food rather than sponge for two weeks anyway.

[ChristinedePizan]

As soon as my DS is earning, he will be contributing, damn right. Obviously, being 4, this is some way off but I'm counting down the years.

I have a couple of friends (always male, funnily enough) who scrounged off lived with their parents until they were early 30s. They took the piss out of them for being utter mugs in the pub I have to say.

[Georgimama]

There have AF, there have, I have read many. I need to give some thought as to how to put an original spin on it - perhaps I could offer different packages at different tariffs? For example if they want organic goose and all booze included it will be £250 per head for the four day stay but if they are happy with Bernard Matthews rolled turkey and half a bottle of blue nun it will only be £50?

[AnyFucker]

let's hope fabby never needs any financial help/paid residential nursing care in her old age

fabulous son won't be seen for dust...

[AnyFucker]

good thinking, georgi

[usualsuspect]

I wouldn't take £50 a week

[ilovesooty]

When I went home during university vacations and worked in a shop I paid board towards the household expenses.

[Pedallleur]

There are all the invisible 'perks' he gets as well. Who puts his clothes in the washing machine and puts them away? How does the food arrive in the house and how does that nice bedroom get fresh linen and cleaned esp. when his girlfriend stays? £50 - good deal to me. If he can find all that cheaper tell him to post the address on here, we'll be queuing up

[TrillianAstra]

I personally think that taking a smaller amount of rent and expecting help around the house is a better life lesson than taking a higher rent and still doing all the cooking/washing/ironing/cleaning.

I agree with this.

Any decent bloke earning that kind of money would offer to buy in some of the Christmas food rather than sponge for two weeks anyway.

And this - especially if he was coming home to visit his single-parent-unable-to-work-due-to-sickness mother!

[Georgimama]

Me too sooty. And I paid half of the cost of the holiday mum and I went on together before I started university. There's no magic kidult fairy in my mother's house which pays for the food and lodging for adult children. Clearly there is in some houses....

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

My eldest boy had a major melt down last year. He went pretty bonkers.

Kicked against everything we did for him and all the rules we set for him.

Hated me.

He now lives in a hostel and is happy (ish) there.

He tells me that he is really glad he was taught how to clean, shop, wash clothes etc. He is very good at budgeting and gets on 10 x better than all those friends he so envied for their 'brilliant' parents.

All that crap we went through is worth it for him to be 17 and able to look after himself and to have a realistic (ish) idea about money and its worth.

I would have prefered him to do all this when he was older but life happens.

We dont have much money. OH has a degenerative conditon so our situation is unlikely to get better as the years go by. We taught our son that if he wanted something he would really have to get it himself. That we would ALWAYS be there for him emotionally and practically but we were not going to be able to support him financially e.g. deposit on a flat or his first car.

He didnt believe it for ages. He really thought we would suddenly produce thousands of pounds from nowhere

He gets it now. I would love to be able to give him money but we cant and thats that. What I could give him is the tools to look after himself.

He is a great kid even if he does still live ever so slightly in La La land

[mumnotmachine]

£60 is an absolute bargain!
When I still lived with my parents 16 years ago I was being charged £60 a week then.
I also had to do all my own laundry etc, do a good chunk of the housework, and also cook at least half of the family meals and clean up afterwards!

[DaGinster]

When I lived at home my DM charged me minimum rent (