to expect my teenaged son to pay us a decent rent now he's working full time?

[julesbd]

My 19 year old son decided after A levels to take a year out, so he's been working full time (at min wage take home £180 per week) for the last 6 months and paying us £25 per wk housekeeping/rent. He was supposed to be starting an HND this Sept, but he's decided to carry on working instead of going to college, which is ok. My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill). We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves. AWBU? Bear in mind he has really good food, internet, nice big warm bedroom, avoids household chores if possible and gets to have his girlfriend to stay. If he lived in a rented flat he'd have to pay way more for much less comfort.
What is an acceptable amount to charge a young worker living at home?

I think it is a bit too much really, when i lived with my DP at his parents house we paid £50 between us a week! And his dad is tighter than a ducks arse under water who wants as much money as he can possibly get! We had a tiny bedroom, hardly any heating so it was freezing and mouldy. If we wanted any specific foods we went out and bought them ourselves. Since we moved out their bills (esp food) have gone up! So i'm not entirely sure what our money was spent on!

You are NBU to ensure he learns about real life & taking responsibility for himself.
I have a 20 yr old niece who lives at home with us. She works full time and doesn't pay rent. BUT i do make her run a budget, and save some money (30% of her salary) every month so she is learning about managing money over a time frame- not running out at the end of the month. We've had the conversation about how much she thinks her friends are paying in rent/ bills so she knows she's on a good deal. And so she's got some money saved up she could use as a deposit when she moves out. we also live in a 2 bed flat- and are not her parents so she knows we don't have a running obligation to house & feed her. She has just been promoted tho so I have been considering charging her something.

He decided to take "a year out" where he works and spends all his money on himself? Sounds like fun, but I wouldn't let him get away with it!

There is an issue here that the "year out" is presumably taking a year out from studying towards getting a career, and working in a minimum wage job instead.

A minimum wage job must seem like a fantastic thing when before that all you had was pocket money, and now you are earning what feels like a fortune in comparison and living with Mum and Dad so paying out very little.

If you have rent to pay, and everyday bills to meet, it's not so easy to manage on.

Introducing the "rent" element at this stage may make him decide that perhaps he would prefer the career to the job after all.

I paid my parents a straight third of my take home pay during my gap year. I was only taking home £45 per week. Your DS is paying you £10 per week more than I contributed back in 1979!!!

YABU.Let the poor lad save up for college!

Don't be so greedy. You didn't have him to make money off him. He doesn't cost you £50 a week. £25 is more than enough. I'd take nothing off my kids and I'm a single parent.

It's not greedy to expect him to make a fair contribution to the expenses of the household in which he lives.

Hah... I knew I'd be told I was BU. Maybe I can't imagine charging DS rent (he is currently 16 months BTW) because I was never charged rent and I've not turned out bad at all (if I do say so myself). I'm not in debt, I've a mortgage, the deposit was saved for by myself and DH. I left home at a very reasonable age. I genuinely can't imagine it, but each to their own eh?

I'd take £50 a week at that sort of salary but I must admit I'd put £25 per week in a bank account for him.
So he then would learn savings and how to live in a budget at the same time.
the deal would still have to be college/university at the end of it though.

£50 sounds reasonable. But the poster that suggested 1/3 is wrong - your other two children are your responsibility so divide by 5 not 3

Before I moved out and had dd, I was on roughly £800 a month (so £200 a week) and I used to give my mum £120 a month, I would also pay for the broadband access. For that I used to get my food provided and washing done. I never used the landline, or when I did (End of the month and too skint to top my mobile up) I would pay for the calls I made. I also made sure I did my fair share of chores.
I think it stood me in good stead for the real world (paying rent and utilities) But like someone else suggested, how about saving part of the money he gives you to help him out with a deposit on a place when he decides to move out?

OP Charge your DS what you think is a fair rate, if he doesn't like it he can ship off to his father's house, where he won't have to pay anything...he'll probably be back sharpish.

Right he shouldnt contribute to electricity, gas, water, mortgage/rent as you would pay that any way and any he uses is negligible.

If you want him to contribute he should be paying for his toiletries and the food he eats nothing else.

You aren't renting a room out this is your child the child you gave birth too, you don't MAKE money from your children that is disgusting.

My son takes home £600 a week he is coming home at Christmas for two weeks I wont take a penny from him.

I didn't have children to make money from them at all, I knew when I gave birth they would cost me until they left home to live in their own place.

I've been a single parent since my eldest who is now 23 was 7. He worked for a year during his gap year when all my benefits stopped for him and I could not work due to sickness, my rent increased yet I did not take a penny off of him.

Why? Cos he is my son and it is MY responsibility to feed him. He clothes himself, as does my youngest who saved every single penny of his wages from Asda for a year to help support him through Uni.

I find the attitude of some parents abhorent. Money money money. Assholes.

Gotta love your brand of matyrdom Fabby, just a shame it took you so long to come into this thread to accuse the OP of "making money" from her children, I had a bet with myself that you would pop up on page one :o

If you choose to be a fool and walkover then thats up to you, but please dont insult those of us who dont want our children to be selfish freeloaders.

fabby, does your fabulous son (stealth boast, btw) not use gas and electricity at the rate of other young people ?

if my dd moved out I would save an absolute fortune on the 2-3 full baths of red hot water a day, the lights left on all over the house, the washing machine put on full spin cycle for 2 pairs of knickers, the whole bottle of expensive shampoo/conditioner she gets through in 3 days, the constant hair drying/straightening, the large oven switched on for an hour to bake one jacket potato....

I could go on, and on, and on

or perhaps your fabulous son only uses negligible commodoties in your house ?

and btw, you totally missed the point

we are not talking about a visit of 2 weeks at xmas

we are talking about another adult living full time in a house

yes, it's his home

my home is my home, but I have to contribute something or I would be in the bus shelter covered by newspaper pretty damn soon

I've just asked my two whether they want mummy to look after them for ever and ever and ever, so that they will never leave home and always be provided for and lllooooovvvveeed.
They look as if they are about to ring the little men in white coats.
So OP, you now have a full range of opinions to choose from.

My two are pretty good, but they do bath and shower daily or in DD's case, twice daily. They also like the heating on when I'm at work or out.
Clean clothes means the washing machine is on frequently, lilewise the many gadgets in use or on charge.
But TBH, I'd rather live with clean and non-rank individuals, rather than grotbags.

To the posters who say adult children in full time work shouldn't pay housekeeping, or should have been taught the value of money earlier, I say this.

My DS was taught about the value of money. We struggled and went without alot of things when he was younger because we were so poor. He learnt to save very young and was exceptionally good with money. He knew the value of money, it took him long enough to save anywhere near enough to buy anything he wanted.

I never ever concerned myself with worrying about DS and his finances. He used to say that overdrafts were for the reckless and should only ever be used in emergencies, since it was clearly the banks money. He appreciated every penny, has worked solidly since he was 16, as well as going to college full time.

He moved in with my DM 6 months after he started his first job, when he was 16 and a half and from that moment on, he no longer contributed in any way shape or form to the household. DM has never asked him for a penny. She does everything for him. He is not expected to lift a finger, and does not even clean his own room.

He went from contributing to most household chores, and saving his money for the things he wanted, to doing nothing in the house, and keeping every penny to himself.
Has this made him richer? Has he saved more? He pays nothing and spent his entire childhood being taught by example as well as verbalisation that money was valuable, not to be squandered.
Has it heck!!!!

DS very quickly forgot the value of money, since he's getting everything for free. He has no respect for DM, he has no respect for anything material, or any appreciation of what others sacrifice for him.

He spends every penny of his money on drinking, smoking, going out and having a good time. In fact, with all the money he has spent on drink, he has gained something.....a liver problem, to go with the stroke he had whilst he was at work last year.

He has given up on driving lessons, is up to his eyeballs in debt with the bank, and after so long of this, resents being asked to do anything. He believes that it is his right to live for free whilst he remains living with a family member.

Has my mother done him any favours? Absolutely not.
Does my mother feel unappreciated and used? Yes

So if you want your DC's to be selfish and believe the world owes them a roof and free food, don't make them pay a penny, but don't expect them to thank you for it afterwards. Ime I have never known an adult DC to thank their parent for being a mug. I have known many DC to thank their parents and appreciate their parents teaching them the cost of living though.

FabbyChic if you want to behave like mug of the decade it's up to you. The OP isn't talking about MAKING money from her son. A fair contribution to the house he lives in as an adult wage earner is under discussion.

And your abuse about the parenting choices of others is just offensive, but with you that's par for the course isn't it?

fabby's fabulous son mustn't shower very much, nor wash his clothes, nor eat, is all I can say

he is a very good earner though

Fabby When will it be your sons responsibility to feed himself?

I have dinner with my mother regularly, yet neither of us feels responsible for the other. We have long since stopped feeling responsible for each other, because we are both independent adults.

I am inclined to think you enjoy pampering your grown up babies children Fabby, and like to feel needed by your children.
Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

*fabby's fabulous son mustn't shower very much, nor wash his clothes, nor eat, is all I can say

he is a very good earner though*

Perhaps with his £600 a week he just throws his clothes away when he's worn them once