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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way)

159 replies

Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:30

AIBU to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way) because he bought the wrong thing?

Background: my 7 year old daughter had her Grade 1 Tap exam today. She has worked REALLY hard for it - practising for nearly half an hour twice a day, and without being "instructed" to - just because she knew she should. I am really proud of the dedication and perseverance she has shown - as of course is my husband (her Daddy).

Since she had been working so hard we thought it would be nice to buy her a present to reward her hard work, which my husband chose and purchased at the supermarket before he came home (finished work at noon today). We gave her the gift when she came home after the exam (we didn't want to wait to find out the mark, because the reward is for her work, not for how well she has done) and she was really thrilled. Especially as it is really rare for us to buy gifts other than for birthdays/Christmas, and she wasn't expecting a gift at all.

Anyway - she opened it up, and it was a DS Dogs game - however, turns out my husband bought a game for the DS3D, and it won't fit into my daughter's DS. Cue tears of disappointment - particularly when my husband said to her "Never mind, I'll see if I have time to change it after work tomorrow."

I made him go now - yes, it is a half hour drive each way, but I just feel that after all her hard work and us giving her a gift and making such a big deal about how we were so proud of the effort she has made, for the gift then to be something she can't use but we will swop it "maybe tomorrow" is a bit too much of a damp squib for her.

My husband, naturally, thinks I am being unreasonable. Although he bloody well did as he was told, cos this is that sort of household. Grin I'm not being unreasonable am I? To think that she shouldn't have to wait til tomorrow, if it is possible (if a bit inconvenient) to sort it out today?

OP posts:
SiamoFottuti · 31/08/2011 16:31

I wouldn't have driven back, I would have said I would definitely done it tomorrow.

TheOriginalFAB · 31/08/2011 16:32

YANBU at all and your dd deserves to have a gift she can use immediately. It takes ths shine off if daddy can't be bothered to change it for her straight away.

lifechanger · 31/08/2011 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 31/08/2011 16:33

yabu. Sorry!

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:36

Wow - don't hold back with that, lifechanger!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/08/2011 16:37

You're being very unreasonable. It was a mistake and your daughter is old enough to see that and wait until tomorrow. She could even have gone with her dad to pick it up. I don't know what lesson she's learned from this but I'd say that the damp squit was really your response to your husband. I wouldn't have gone on your say so either.

DrNortherner · 31/08/2011 16:38

YABU. DD old enough to wait.

thestringcheeseincident · 31/08/2011 16:38

I think YABU.
I would of said we'd get it tomorrow. And dealt with the tears.
I think you're being a bit precious.

eurochick · 31/08/2011 16:39

I agree with linerunner. It's only one day!

cumbria81 · 31/08/2011 16:40

wtf? YABVU

clam · 31/08/2011 16:41

I'm with your DH. YABU.

You are teaching an appalling message to your DD.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:42

Well, she has gone with her dad actually Lying. Which gives her a chance to choose the replacement, which is better actually. But wasn't really the point.

And actually, she is not so "spoilt" that she can't cope with waiting, I just don't see why she should be unnecessarily disappointed when she had been on such a high.... Just cos my husband didn't want to be arsed to go and change it now.

OP posts:
MrsPresley · 31/08/2011 16:42

Although he bloody well did as he was told

That alone got my back up!

A mistake is a mistake, have you never made one?

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/08/2011 16:42

If your husband had reacted by cuddling her tears away and saying he would change it for the right one tomorrow, you'd have got away with it. But "Never mind, I'll see if I have time to change it after work tomorrow."? No, I'd have sent him to the shops as well for his insensitivity.

TheArmadillo · 31/08/2011 16:42

YABU

I would expect a 7yo to understand it was a mistake and to wait till tomorrow.

I would also be Hmm at a 7yo crying because of what happened. A 3yo, yes, not a 7yo.

livinonaprayer · 31/08/2011 16:42

Tend to agree that YABU. Tomorrow isn't long to wait and it was a genuine mistake. 7 is old enough to recognise that. If your shop was down the road then maybe that would be ok, but to drive all that way seems OTT to me.

porcamiseria · 31/08/2011 16:43

YABU

waste of petrol and waste of time

5Foot5 · 31/08/2011 16:43

Well done for reqarding the hard work rather than the eventual mark.

Not so well done making such a fuss over a simple mistake.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:44

I don';t see how it is an appalling message? That if you make a mistake and disappoint someone you make an effort to put it right as soon as you reasonably can? Why is it so dreadful?

I guess I was ready to be told that if I wanted it done I should have done it myself (which I could have, but since it was me who has had to drive her to interminable lessons and sit and wait whilst she does them, plus I have to do the piano lesson run later, I just thought he could do it....)

I don't see why driving 9 miles into town and back is such an enormous deal....

OP posts:
Sn0wflake · 31/08/2011 16:45

On balance I think YANBU to change today but YABU to force husband to. Could you have changed it.

When I was a kid my dad would have gone straight away to change it....it's nice and shows you care.

LineRunner · 31/08/2011 16:45

EuroChick, I haven't posted on here yet! I think you must be so used to ageeing with me, though...... Grin

I think you like Lifechanger's post?

I'm having a think about this one......

RobinSure · 31/08/2011 16:46

Although he bloody well did as he was told, cos this is that sort of household. grin

Ah, post feminism. Ain't it great?

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:46

Mrs Presley - that was ironic, kindof. I mean he did do what I had asked, although he thought I was unreasonable. But then he thinks I am unreasonable if I ask him to pick my son up from Beavers 5 mins up the road too.

OP posts:
belgo · 31/08/2011 16:47

I don't think it's strange that she cried, after all the stress of her exam, then excitement of getting a present, then the disappointment of not being able to use it.

I wouldn't have made my dh drive back though, I would have comforted her and explained that tomorrow she would have the game.

I can't force my dh to do anything, thankfully.

Sleepyspaniel · 31/08/2011 16:48

YABU. I understand the disappointment but it's one day, for a present she wasn't expecting anyway. More worryingly however is how much it sounds like you feel you "rightfully" rule the roost "Although he bloody well did as he was told, cos this is that sort of household". Just be careful you aren't taking your DH for granted or one day he might decide he doesn't want to do what he is told any more. I speak from experience, well not me personally but close family members had this kind of unhealthy atmosphere (the DH found someone who didn't bloody well tell him what to do and he found he preferred that).

If I was you I would look very grateful to your DH for going back and make sure he knows it. and don't make a habit of it. Just saying Smile

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