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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way)

159 replies

Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:30

AIBU to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way) because he bought the wrong thing?

Background: my 7 year old daughter had her Grade 1 Tap exam today. She has worked REALLY hard for it - practising for nearly half an hour twice a day, and without being "instructed" to - just because she knew she should. I am really proud of the dedication and perseverance she has shown - as of course is my husband (her Daddy).

Since she had been working so hard we thought it would be nice to buy her a present to reward her hard work, which my husband chose and purchased at the supermarket before he came home (finished work at noon today). We gave her the gift when she came home after the exam (we didn't want to wait to find out the mark, because the reward is for her work, not for how well she has done) and she was really thrilled. Especially as it is really rare for us to buy gifts other than for birthdays/Christmas, and she wasn't expecting a gift at all.

Anyway - she opened it up, and it was a DS Dogs game - however, turns out my husband bought a game for the DS3D, and it won't fit into my daughter's DS. Cue tears of disappointment - particularly when my husband said to her "Never mind, I'll see if I have time to change it after work tomorrow."

I made him go now - yes, it is a half hour drive each way, but I just feel that after all her hard work and us giving her a gift and making such a big deal about how we were so proud of the effort she has made, for the gift then to be something she can't use but we will swop it "maybe tomorrow" is a bit too much of a damp squib for her.

My husband, naturally, thinks I am being unreasonable. Although he bloody well did as he was told, cos this is that sort of household. Grin I'm not being unreasonable am I? To think that she shouldn't have to wait til tomorrow, if it is possible (if a bit inconvenient) to sort it out today?

OP posts:
Dorje · 31/08/2011 17:56

It's a bit hypocritical to reward hard work of her DD but punish her DH for underachieving - surely his effort is worthy of praise too, not another journey to get it right this time? Confused

NestaFiesta · 31/08/2011 17:56

So on his afternoon off your DH had to spend another hour in the car in order to pay the price for an innocent mistake.

OP- you're a madam and if your DD sees you treating men like that, she will think its OK and she will be a madam too!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 31/08/2011 17:58

I dream of ds working like that. I'd drive him back to Tesco and get the bloody DSi3D. Well possibly not, I'm not that loaded.

But yes, I'd be absurdly indulgent.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 31/08/2011 18:00

Weeeellll you probably should have at least offered to drive yourself.

But the accusations here against the OP's dd are fucking horrible.

shouldbeironing · 31/08/2011 18:02

I didnt think shops would take back a game that had been opened. Expect more tears....

Itsjustafleshwound · 31/08/2011 18:02

From your posting and protests Op I don't think you are actually asking if YABU

I think it is really taking the p*ss to demand that everyone does your bidding and expectations.

Sofabitch · 31/08/2011 18:02

That was the name. It wouldn't come to mind.

Talker2010 · 31/08/2011 18:03

Initially I thought you were being unreasonable ... in my household the children would have been more upset to see us arguing over this issue than they would have been about the game

But then you say he did not argue ... in fact, whilst he thought tomorrow would do he went when you asked ... so now I am not really sure what the issue is

worraliberty · 31/08/2011 18:04

YABU just for using the word 'make'

You sound rather bossy tbh

Psammead · 31/08/2011 18:04

30 mins for 9 miles? Is he driving a golf cart? Grin

YABU, and bossy.

sjuperwolef · 31/08/2011 18:10

aw i wouldve done the same thing, i hate seeing dd disappointed and she never asks for much so when she gets a wee treat she's always so happy and i can just imagine the wee face wi the tears :( im a soppy git tho :) i'd of sent your dh with a flea in his ear Grin

caughtinanet · 31/08/2011 18:13

It's a huge leap to conclude from what's been posted that the op should change her whole lifestyle AF - if you live in the sticks which it sounds like the op does then taking 30mins to get anywhere can be quite normal.

It doesn't mean that the children are being hothoused or overstimulated by any means.

OP, I do think that yabu though both to reward with such an expensive item and to spend yet more time and money to change it today.

caramelwaffle · 31/08/2011 18:14

You are being unreasonable.

Chandon · 31/08/2011 18:15

I think that children need to learn to cope with disappointment, I think it is an essential life skill; putting a brave face on when disappointed.

My DS (7) had a dud nerf gun as his main birthday present. I said I would change it. Tomorrow. And he was a bit sad, but did think it reasonable.

Yesterday we went to a fab pool with slides, but it was closed due to a power failure, some kids accepted it as one of those things, others threw fullblown tantrums. I guess you are setting your daughter up for the latter type of response...

SeniorWrangler · 31/08/2011 18:21

I'm pretty strict with my kids and so on, and into deferred gratification in a big way, but in this circumstance I would have made sure we swapped it straight away. YANBU.

southeastastra · 31/08/2011 18:21

i would have changed it straight away, can't bear putting off things like that.

it's not a crime to want to sort something out (especially something like a gift for a child) straight away is it.

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 31/08/2011 18:22

I'm perched on the fence with LineRunner.

clam · 31/08/2011 18:22

Instead of giving your DH a bollocking (when he'd gone to the trouble of buying the thing in the first place) and pandering making a fuss about your DD's "wee face with the tears" (sjuperwolef), why could you not have given her a hug, said "never mind darling, we'll sort it as soon as we can, but it may have to be tomorrow, poor Daddy's shattered" and then whisked her away to do some baking/painting/something else she likes, all the while telling her how proud you are of her for not making a fuss.

clam · 31/08/2011 18:23

Oh, and what chandon said.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 18:28

it's not a crime to want to sort something out (especially something like a gift for a child) straight away is it.

Apparently it is. Which has surprised me. Be hey ho, who knew? Next time I disappoint someone I will make sure I wait at least 24 hours before rectifying the situation, as it is clearly seen to be character building to be disappointed.

it may have to be tomorrow, poor Daddy's shattered

Poor Daddy wasn't shattered, poor Daddy was playing computer games. Which is fine, but wasn't something so vital it couldn't be postponed. Admittedly I could have gone myself.

Clear moral of this story - do it yourself next time. It is deeply uncool to ask the man you have been married to for 16 years to step out of his way for you or your children.

Although he has got home now, and what HE is complaining about is the crappy way the games were arranged in the supermarket, so it is unclear which are which.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 18:29

My DS (7) had a dud nerf gun as his main birthday present. I said I would change it. Tomorrow. And he was a bit sad, but did think it reasonable.

But why? Did you have interesting things planned for the day, which made replacing it that day difficult? Or did you just not really want to go? The first is entirely reasonable, the second I would say less so.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/08/2011 18:32

That's the ticket, OP, ask AIBU? and then accept the replies with a good grace.

Moral of the story for next time... if you want to do a 'jokey' thread, make it clear at the start so that you don't get any responses you don't want. Hmm

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 31/08/2011 18:33

Did you have interesting things planned for the day, which made replacing it that day difficult?

I imagine they did, it being the lad's birthday. Which is why it would wait til the following day and isn't quite the same kind of situation as the OP's.

southeastastra · 31/08/2011 18:34

haha lyingwitch jeez

so it's obligatory to be arsey on aibu is it! and some of the comments on here went way ott (ie the veruca salt comment)

some people on here need to chill out themselves

clam · 31/08/2011 18:35

Whether or not "daddy was shattered" is actually beside the point. I was suggesting an approximate script there. The point is that you could have distracted your daughter from her disappointment quite easily, which would have taught her a better lesson than the one you have ended up teaching her; namely that if she is disappointed about something, others around her can be expected to sort it. It's useful to be able to just suck it up sometimes in life.