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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way)

159 replies

Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:30

AIBU to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way) because he bought the wrong thing?

Background: my 7 year old daughter had her Grade 1 Tap exam today. She has worked REALLY hard for it - practising for nearly half an hour twice a day, and without being "instructed" to - just because she knew she should. I am really proud of the dedication and perseverance she has shown - as of course is my husband (her Daddy).

Since she had been working so hard we thought it would be nice to buy her a present to reward her hard work, which my husband chose and purchased at the supermarket before he came home (finished work at noon today). We gave her the gift when she came home after the exam (we didn't want to wait to find out the mark, because the reward is for her work, not for how well she has done) and she was really thrilled. Especially as it is really rare for us to buy gifts other than for birthdays/Christmas, and she wasn't expecting a gift at all.

Anyway - she opened it up, and it was a DS Dogs game - however, turns out my husband bought a game for the DS3D, and it won't fit into my daughter's DS. Cue tears of disappointment - particularly when my husband said to her "Never mind, I'll see if I have time to change it after work tomorrow."

I made him go now - yes, it is a half hour drive each way, but I just feel that after all her hard work and us giving her a gift and making such a big deal about how we were so proud of the effort she has made, for the gift then to be something she can't use but we will swop it "maybe tomorrow" is a bit too much of a damp squib for her.

My husband, naturally, thinks I am being unreasonable. Although he bloody well did as he was told, cos this is that sort of household. Grin I'm not being unreasonable am I? To think that she shouldn't have to wait til tomorrow, if it is possible (if a bit inconvenient) to sort it out today?

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 17:10

I'm not sure I am being reasonable - I was prepared to be told I should have done it myself, etc. I was just not expecting to be told I was an ogre who browbeats her husband and abuses him, and has a spoilt and bratty daughter.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 31/08/2011 17:10

I honestly don't know.

AnyFucker · 31/08/2011 17:10

Hey, OP, I think things would be very much less stressful if you weren't constantly driving the kids backwards and forwards to all this "stuff"

then you force DH by stropping into doing something that could have waited until tomorrow

I mean, you do so much running around, you could have done it then...yes ?

Seriously, cut out some of the activities and let everyone chill out a bit

being this overwrought (you, your dd, your DH etc etc etc) is not doing anyone any good < said with love >

NettoSuperstar · 31/08/2011 17:12

YANBU.
Nothing worse than being given a great gift, only to learn you can't play with it straight away.

I'm guessing most of you haven't done the battery hunt on Christmas day, when a toy you thought came with batteries, didn't.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 17:12

AfternoonDelight - in what way am I making him do EVERYTHING? I don't recall calling him lazy either....

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 31/08/2011 17:12

YANBU. I don't think that an hours drive is that big of a deal.

He should have double checked what he was buying to start with. I think that the tears may have been a bit much as it was an unexpected present, unless he has let her down in the past.

pictish · 31/08/2011 17:13

"I'm not sure I am being reasonable - I was prepared to be told I should have done it myself, etc. I was just not expecting to be told I was an ogre who browbeats her husband and abuses him, and has a spoilt and bratty daughter."

Are you new to MN then? Grin

TheOriginalFAB · 31/08/2011 17:13

His mistake so why should you go but if he had apologised to your dd and said he would definitely change it tomorrow it would have sounded so much better. His appearing to be casual and unfeeling about your DD's disappointment made him sound an arse and therefore YANBU.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 17:15

AnyFucker - I could have. I probably should have. I think that was why I posted - because I wondered when he had gone whether I should have done it myself, or if it was unreasonable to have asked my husband to do it..

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 17:18

Birds - I think the tears were almost because it was unexpected, and she was so excited and tried to put it in her ds and it didn't fit.

She wasn't sobbing and making a big fuss, just sitting with tears rolling down her cheeks. I felt bad for her.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/08/2011 17:19

I think it was U

I wouldn't have sent my DH, and I wouldn't have gone myself until it was convenient either

But then I am not a very soft mummy ... ( my kids think I am horrible...it's that sort of house Grin )

Yours sounds like a very fraught house with lots of people flying all over the place and busybusybusy must-go-right-now activities

I say chill out, have a biscuit or two and practice a little bit more benign neglect

it will do you all a power of good, IMO

Groovee · 31/08/2011 17:20

If I'd insisted on dh changing it, he would have told me to go myself

Dorje · 31/08/2011 17:22

Maybe you could have checked it yourself to see if it was the right one. YAB a bit U not to take some responsibility and send your fool DH further.

Well done to your DD, but what she'll most probably remember is you humiliating her Daddy, and bossing him about and not negotiating or compromising. Some present that is.

TheOriginalFAB · 31/08/2011 17:23

AF - talk to me about benign neglect Smile.

Shoutymomma · 31/08/2011 17:35

I think you might regret your original wording, OP. You made yourself sound like a bully, your husband sound like a punch-bag and your daughter sound like a foot stamping brat. Might be a good idea to take a minute next time you want an opinion here.

Frankly, if my fella ever came home with the exact right thing, I'd bare my arse in the co-op window.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 31/08/2011 17:40

YABU think 7 is old enough to wait 24 hours. I'd make my my 4 year old wait in the same cicumstances. Besides, the cost of petrol nowadays would me right off wasting any on a sorting out a mix up with a poxy computer game!

BalloonSlayer · 31/08/2011 17:41

Shock at some of the responses!

I'd have gone to swap it, or got DH to go, whoever it was easier for. Poor DD, worked so hard and her present didn't fit. Made me feel tearful thinking about her little face.

Not unreasonable to ask your DH to do it - he fucked up by buying the wrong one. Perhaps he'll check it next time.

Sofabitch · 31/08/2011 17:42

Grin imagines a screaming spoilt brat in her tap clothes. Demanding a dsi3d to go with her game.

Yabu. Hth's

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 31/08/2011 17:43

YANBU.

In similar circumstances I'd have driven back, with ds, and got him something revolting to eat in the cafe (ds has a strange affection for supermarket cafes) or possibly picked up a takeaway for us all on the way back if it was getting late.

I'd be extraordinarily proud of my child for working as hard as your dd did and would happily indulge him.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 31/08/2011 17:44

I'd pick up some chilled Cava as well. But not for ds.

thisisyesterday · 31/08/2011 17:45

yep yabu

i am sure it was a bit disappointing but it's not like she was expecting it anyway is it?
at 7 i think she is old enough to wait less than 24 hours for a replacement.

if you were soooooo worried about her disappointment you could have gone and got the replacement yourself.

scottishmummy · 31/08/2011 17:50

you sound like a right ole shrew "he bloody well did as he was told, cos this is that sort of household" and he needs to grow a spine and tell you to piss off

youarekidding · 31/08/2011 17:51

WOW, I'm impressed that your DD practised twice a day for 1/2 an hour - the grade 1 syllabus doesn't take that long to examine - although it is now harder than it use to be. Grin

I would have made her wait, just explained Daddy made a mistake but will put it right. Purely because of distance and rush hour and I'm lazy! but do not see the harm in indulging once in a while and she'll still remember the joy of the reward and not the PITA of the wait to play it iyswim?

I like the reward for working hard not acheivement - I do this with DS.

Shoutymomma · 31/08/2011 17:52

sofabitch I pictured Veruca Salt!

youarekidding · 31/08/2011 17:52

or yy jenai idea of food too - I'd dive an hour in rush hour for that. Grin