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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way)

159 replies

Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 16:30

AIBU to make my husband drive all the way back to the shops (30 min each way) because he bought the wrong thing?

Background: my 7 year old daughter had her Grade 1 Tap exam today. She has worked REALLY hard for it - practising for nearly half an hour twice a day, and without being "instructed" to - just because she knew she should. I am really proud of the dedication and perseverance she has shown - as of course is my husband (her Daddy).

Since she had been working so hard we thought it would be nice to buy her a present to reward her hard work, which my husband chose and purchased at the supermarket before he came home (finished work at noon today). We gave her the gift when she came home after the exam (we didn't want to wait to find out the mark, because the reward is for her work, not for how well she has done) and she was really thrilled. Especially as it is really rare for us to buy gifts other than for birthdays/Christmas, and she wasn't expecting a gift at all.

Anyway - she opened it up, and it was a DS Dogs game - however, turns out my husband bought a game for the DS3D, and it won't fit into my daughter's DS. Cue tears of disappointment - particularly when my husband said to her "Never mind, I'll see if I have time to change it after work tomorrow."

I made him go now - yes, it is a half hour drive each way, but I just feel that after all her hard work and us giving her a gift and making such a big deal about how we were so proud of the effort she has made, for the gift then to be something she can't use but we will swop it "maybe tomorrow" is a bit too much of a damp squib for her.

My husband, naturally, thinks I am being unreasonable. Although he bloody well did as he was told, cos this is that sort of household. Grin I'm not being unreasonable am I? To think that she shouldn't have to wait til tomorrow, if it is possible (if a bit inconvenient) to sort it out today?

OP posts:
ragged · 31/08/2011 20:18

I don't see why driving 9 miles into town and back is such an enormous deal....

Then why did you bother to ask AIBU?

Grin @ KateMiddleton.

CurrySpice · 31/08/2011 20:50

It is not "deeply uncool to ask the man you have been married to for 16 years to step out of his way for you or your children."

You did not say you asked him. You said "he bloody well did as he was told"

Rather different.

And tbh if someone only does something for me because I had to shout / bully / demand it / I intimidated them, I'd rather they didn't do it. Where is the joy in that kind of "favour"?

BoneyBackJefferson · 31/08/2011 21:10

YABU for putting my DD and my DS.

surely it shoud be "our" DC

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 31/08/2011 21:36

I tried to do some programming, LineRunner but I am very rusty (and a bit tipsy)

dim GameStatus as Boolean
dim DadsEve as WhatDadShouldDo
dim ddWorkHard as Boolean
dim dd NotBotheredAboutGame as Boolean

if (GameStatus = 0 AND ddWorkHard = 1 and dd = NotBotheredAboutGame = 1) then DadsEve = GoToShop

if (GameStatus = 1 AND ddWorkHard = 1) then DadsEve = xBox

END

(or something)

Laquitar · 31/08/2011 21:51

Couldn't you all turn it into a joke and have a good laugh about it?

AuntiePickleBottom · 31/08/2011 22:01

what would happen if this was christmas day, rather than a well done present

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 22:31

To be honest, the people coming on and posting now are largely going over ground which has been covered. I have already said that possibly my post was a little overdramatic. There was no "shouting/bullying or intimidating" CurrySpice. I merely stated my view, which was different to my husband's, and said I thought he should go today rather than leaving it til tomorrow. He then capitulated and did as I had asked.

I have since discussed this with him, and he said that whilst he thought at the beginning that I was being unreasonable asking him to go, that when I had told him why I wanted him to go he agreed with me and so went. He also said that he didn't go "because I told him to" but because he decided that I was right and that there was no real need to disappoint Eleanor unnecessarily.

So at the point I posted, slightly concerned that I had been unreasonable, he had already decided that I was right. Although I didn't know that.

defrocked -"i dont see this one lasting tbh". Has lasted 16 years so far. Neither of us is perfect. I do tend towards the bossy, he does tend towards the "roll his eyes and does what he thinks is best anyway". Conversely I am far more tolerant of his hobbies and his need for "me time" than seems to be the case in most relationships. We rub along quite nicely, thank you very much. Neither of us expects the other to be perfect, but we both do our best to be considerate of one another and to see each other's point of view. We have been through a lot together, and have a very strong marriage actually.

And Boney - - yes, she is "our" daughter. She is also "my" daughter AND "his" daughter. If we were having a conversation together I would probably say "our". But I am having a conversation on my own, my husband isn't involved in the conversation, and so "my" is not a "wrong" way for me to describe the child to you.

As it happens Eleanor said thank you very nicely to her Daddy for taking her to the shops to get a different game, and also said thank you to me for the game when I tucked her in bed. She is happy, my husband doesn't consider himself emasculated by having decided that I was right and so done as I asked, so I think we can leave it all there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 31/08/2011 22:33

Auntie - forgot to say - if it was Christmas then obviously she would have to wait because the shop wouldn't be open. It would not be reasonable in that case to rectify the mistake immediately.

OP posts:
2shoes · 31/08/2011 22:55

Oakmaiden hope your dd got the results she wanted, sounds like she worked hard and deserves it.

KatieMiddleton · 31/08/2011 23:17

To be honest, the people coming on and posting now are largely going over ground which has been covered.

I'll email MNHQ and let them know we're finished then? Hmm

donthateme · 31/08/2011 23:39

He bloody well did as he was told because it's that sort of household.

Enough said

What an appalling example of how to relate to your adult partner. I feel sorry for your dd

CurrySpice · 31/08/2011 23:45

OP I can only go on what you say

If you chose to tone that down later then I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about my reaction to the original statement

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/09/2011 00:03

Psammead driving 9 miles in any direction from my home in Central London is not dissimilar to driving a golf cart - the only discernible difference is my car has very comfortable seats and a better stereo than a golfer's aid.

Mspontipine · 01/09/2011 00:11

I would have done (Changed it if my mistake) YANBU

LineRunner · 01/09/2011 00:58

OP, You've mentioned your daughter's name at least twice. Did you mean to? You might want to ask MNHQ to delete those posts.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 01/09/2011 00:59

Last comment - cos I could go on forever defending myself, but I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over.

Curry - I don't know where in my original OP or anywhere after you have got that I was "bullying, intimidating or shouting". I have said it nowhere, because it didn't happen - you have tried to read between the lines, and ended up inventing something. I assume the lines you have read between are the one that uses the word "made" - which I will agree was an ill advised word to use. I forgot my post would be dissected in such minute detail.... I asked him to do it, he didn't want to, I tried to explain why I wanted him to (and told him the reason he was giving for not wanting to was a bit invalid), he did as I had asked, although it seemed reluctant.

The other phrase I am sure you will point at was the "He bloody well did as he was told because it's that sort of household." one - which a lot of people are quoting back at me, but missing off the Grin which I put at the end of the statement which was intended to indicate that it wasn't meant seriously. As I have said many times in the thread - it was a jokey aside. But if you want to ignore the fact I have repeatedly said it was not meant seriously and take it to mean I am a bullying harridan then I guess that is your prerogative.

Kate - I simply was remarking that if the same charge keeps being levelled at me, and my explanation is ignored, then I am simply going to stop replying to that charge. I don;t like to be rude and completely ignore people, but once one person has told me off for using a particular phrase and I have explained myself, then just telling me off again is, well, irritating. Don't see why you feel the need to make sarcastic comments about emailing MNHQ - I was merely indicating that people shouldn't be surprised if I don't KEEP coming back to post the same defence (especially when the people who are posting don't seem interested in my reply to the "charge" anyway.)

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 01/09/2011 01:02

LineRunner I am very rubbish at this incognito thing. I probably won't delete it though, because they would delete the whole post, and then it makes it look like I was being offensive, and I actually think I have been fairly calm in my postings. In fact if someone were bored enough to search through the many years of postings here they would probably find her birth announcement on here, with her full name, anyway.

OP posts:
KatieMiddleton · 01/09/2011 01:08

I'd have thought you of all people would appreciate a sarky comment no?

Any hoo this is AIBU. People will post whether you reply or not and sometimes reply solely to the first post and occasionally to things that weren't even posted/meant at all. I find it best just to ignore those that miss all other points made on a thread because sooner or later someone else will pitch up and answer them for you.

Don't sweat it. Have Brew instead.

LineRunner · 01/09/2011 01:15

Ok, OP, as long as you're sure.

Funny how these AIBUs sometimes turn out, isn't it?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/09/2011 01:24

There's no need for you to defend yourself Oak; you have stated your case and IMO those who have judged you (and, by default, myself and others) harshly should take a look at the glass walls of their own houses.

AIBU can be a bleak and humourless place, but if you come back on Friday I'll do my best to introduce a little bumsex to cheer those of us who love to laugh Grin

CurrySpice · 01/09/2011 01:33

Well since you've been here so long op you will know that judgement is precisely what you'll be on aibu

I think you were. You think you weren't. That's the way the mop flops isn't it?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/09/2011 01:36

Have a what, Miss Middleton??!!!

Don't you know that the rock supergroup, Naice Lamb Ham & Mutton, is in rehearsal and will be launched upon a blissfully unsuspecting world in the near future?

If you can't run to a bottle of Southern Comfort, at least pour yourself in to a pair of leather strides and flash a case of the Wine

Sharney · 01/09/2011 01:45

I don't see why driving 9 miles into town and back is such an enormous deal....
Why did you ask then?
By the way, YABU. The lesson could easily have been to deal with disappointment with grace.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/09/2011 01:46

Grin Speak for yourself, Curry. A flick of the wrist and my mop flops when and where I tell it to Grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/09/2011 01:48

Not at 7 years old, Sharney. Give the child a chance; the OP's not running a Jesuit school (as far as I know).

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