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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to send my 2 year old ds to playgroup?

120 replies

LittleBugsMum · 30/08/2011 21:19

It's 6 hours a week (3 hours on 2 days) and I can't stand the thought. I think he's too young & I'm going to miss him & lots of other reasons.

I know it's my decision & I don't have to send him but I feel guilty. He might really enjoy it, need it for his social development, make friends...

What do you think?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 21:22

They don't have to go to a playgroup or nursery.

Of course he might enjoy playing with all the new toys/children, but it won't affect his A level results or anything

BaldricksTurnip · 30/08/2011 21:22

What's the reason for sending him now? If you feel he's not ready he can go any time between now and when he starts school. Maybe wait 6 months and send him then when you feel he's more ready.

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 21:22

No he doesn't 'need' it so if you don't want to send him, don't.

He won't miss what he doesn't know

thisisyesterday · 30/08/2011 21:23

if you don't want to then don't.
i wouldn't send a 2 year old either. we sent ds1 when he was 3 when he got his funded place, but he hated it so we took him out again.

ds2 has been going since just before he turned 3 and loves it, ds3 will go next year when he is 3.
i don't know anyone who has sent a 2 yr old, except people who needed to work tbh

Iggly · 30/08/2011 21:23

If you don't want to then why are you?

I'm in a similar position - thinking of putting DS in preschool for two mornings a week. He's 2 and starting to show an interest in playing with other kids - his eyes light up when he sees them playing in the park and he goes running after them to try and join in.
I don't know many other parents with kids of similar age so feel guilty I can't provide him with playdates.

But I feel bad putting him in preschool as I'm worried he might find it hard.

However I'm going to try - can always take him out!

pozzled · 30/08/2011 21:24

It's up to you, no need to feel guilty! Does he have other opportunities to mix with other toddlers- friends, relatives, toddler groups? Does he get on ok with them? If so, then I'd say wait for a bit if you don't want to leave him. If he doesn't see other toddlers, I'd be looking for ways to do so, but you still don't need to leave him.

rookiemater · 30/08/2011 21:24

Really he will be fine and if you don't think so then why not look for a childminder instead.

Irishchic · 30/08/2011 21:24

Don't send him. I have five and decided not to send my youngest to playgroup, he starts nursery year in Sept and is the most outgoing and sociable of all my kids. I hated the thought of sending him at 2 as he was (is!) my baby, iykwim. He'll be fine, that extra time with you will be great for him.

lazylula · 30/08/2011 21:24

Totalkly your decision. Ds1 went to pre school the term after he turned 3, he wasn't ready before this and he is now very social (nearly 6 now). Ds2 went 1 session a week from May half term (so was a month off of 3). I did not feel the need to send either before this point as they already socialised at mums and tots groups that we go to.

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 21:25

None of my 3 went to playgroups or anything like that

They all started school nursery aged 3 and loved it

margerykemp · 30/08/2011 21:26

You are being pfb, which is no good for him in the long run.

Send him, send him now.

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 21:28

Hows is it PFB not to send a 2yr old to nursery?

I wonder how the hell the human race survived without them?

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 21:29

Why do you think the OP should send him margery?

Because she's just setting herself up for a life of being precious with him if she doesn't break the habit now??

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 30/08/2011 21:29

I think it's too young. I think some children might be ready for it but a lot aren't.

My SIL sent her son to a 2 morning a week playgroup as soon as he was old enough, so 2 and a half. He wasn't ready, hated it, cried every time he was left there and it just generally wasn't right for him. She was really worried how he would then take to school nursery at just gone 3, but aged 3 he was just that bit more ready for it and had a lovely year.

If you're not comfortable with sending him, and you don't need to send him because you have to work or anything, then don't send him.

squeakytoy · 30/08/2011 21:31

I would let him go and see how he gets on. If he doesnt have much interaction with children his own age at the moment, then nursery will be good for him.

hadagutsfull · 30/08/2011 21:31

I work in a playroup that takes children from 2 years old. Some are fine and settle in happily very quickly but others are just too young and not ready to be left. We usually find when a child doesn't settle, if they come back the following term, they really enjoy it.

Why don't you start him and see how he gets on? If he doesn't settle you can always take him out again.

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 21:32

2yr olds are not the most sociable of people anyway

It's a lot easier to speak to a 3yr old about scratching/biting/hitting other kids to get their own way.

I wouldn't send a 2yr old if I didn't have to...or any child that can't speak clearly enough to tell me what happened during the time they spent there.

hadagutsfull · 30/08/2011 21:32

Another thought - you don't have to leave him for the full three hours, and certainly not to start with.

tawrag · 30/08/2011 21:38

Didn't send DD3 until she was 3.5 because she was perfectly happy at home. She loved nursery school from the first moment and, now in the last year at primary school, says school has got better every year. I hope it continues! Clearly not sending her to nursery at age two didn't do a scrap of harm and may even have done some good.

Greythorne · 30/08/2011 21:44

No need for a little boy to go if you don't want him to.

Institionalisation will come soon enough.

If you are happy bring with him, don't put him in.

My DD2 is 2.7 and has never been to a playgroup or nursery. We are happy hanging out together.

VeraCanSignChocolateAndWine · 30/08/2011 21:47

I sent my dd2 to preschool for 2.5 hours a week from 2years 3 months. She is SN, and I did it because I needed a break.
p
I sent dd2, from 2yrs 9mths, i felt she was ready, and because of where her birthday fell she had 2 whole years in nursery, I not think that having the 2 years in preschool helped her in any way whatsoever, she was IMO ready for school 9 months before she actually went. Hense one very bored little girl in preschool for 2 terms.

OP, if you don't think that he is ready don't send him. You don't need to, and legally he doesn't have to be in school (or educated otherwise) until the term after his 5th birthday.

An0therName · 30/08/2011 21:56

my Ds went at 2 y 9 months - I wouldn't have sent him before - he loved it - although also ready for school before he went but that was from having a december birthday rather than the preschool
I think it is good for them to have some nursery/preschool before school but we are talking about 3 plus in that case.
assume you have the place and he is due to start though so maybe give it a try - also is he just 2 or nearer 3 in my view quite a difference

Original poster

LittleBugsMum · 30/08/2011 22:19

I'm a SAHM so there's no 'need' to send him at all. All sarcasm aside, I am a little worried about that I'm too precious with him. Then on the other hand, he IS precious & his little life is my life at the moment. I don't leave my children with anyone if I don't have to & LOVE my time with them (ds No2 is 7 months) so I don't need a break.

We have family & some friends of similar ages & I go to 1 (sometimes 2) groups a week so he does see other children. I'd love him to go just once a week but have been told this isn't an option.

My mum thinks I'm being selfish, dad thinks I'm 'soft' & dh would only want him to go if it would be developmentally beneficial, which it might be...

Also, he's only just 1 (August) and still in nappies.

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleBugsMum · 30/08/2011 22:20

Sorry, I meant he's only just 2.

OP posts:

WhiffOfBath · 30/08/2011 22:25

None of mine went, and they are all fine. I didn't need them to go, and liked having them at home - so home is where they stayed.

The most developmentally beneficial thing for a child of that age is to spend time - pretty much all their time - with someone who thinks they are the best thing on the planet. Before they can form other relationships, they need to be firmly attached to one (or perhaps two) main adults. That's the great bonus of having them at home if you can.

Once he gets to three plus, you might decide that it would be fun for him to do something a bit different and start to 'make friends'. Until then, though, you are doing the best thing for his development just by wanting and being able to be with him.

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