Page 2 | to not want to send my 2 year old ds to playgroup?

LittleBugsMum · 2011-08-30T20:19:15+00:00

It's 6 hours a week (3 hours on 2 days) and I can't stand the thought. I think he's too young & I'm going to miss him & lots of other reasons. I know it's my decision & I don't have to send him but I feel guilty. He might really enjoy it, need it for his social development, make friends... What do you think?

coccyx · 30/08/2011 22:25

send him and see how he gets on, how do you know he won't love it??

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 22:31

My mum thinks I'm being selfish, dad thinks I'm 'soft' & dh would only want him to go if it would be developmentally beneficial, which it might be

Sorry have I missed something? How is it selfish to do something parents have done since time began and look after your 2yr old yourself?

going · 30/08/2011 22:31

My ds is only starting preschool next week at 3 y 4 mths.

My DD1 started at the same age and has always enjoyed and excelled at school. DD2 started at 2 y 6 mths, she was very clingy and I needed a break - worked well for both of us. I'm not sure DS will be ready as he is very happy pottering around the house with me, if he isn't then we will try again next term.

MrsMcgee · 30/08/2011 22:45

I don't think its quite that simple. Has he expressed any interest in that sort of thing? I mean: when he see's groups of children is he keen on joining in? Is he really keen to see his "friends"?

Could you visit a couple and see what you / he thinks? If he seems keen try it for a couple of months and if he doesn't like it take him out!

My dd was 2 in July and I'm a SAHM too so again there is no real need to. But I think she will really enjoy it so we're going to give it a go.
We had a look at a couple and at the one she's enrolled in she didn't want to leave. I was saying "its time to go home now" and she said "no I think I'm just going to stay". Then again it could be that I'm just really boring :o

Honestly, I think you need to ignore what everyone else thinks and think what your son would enjoy.
What are your other reasons for not sending him if you don't mind my asking?

thecaptaincrocfamily · 30/08/2011 22:57

I think he will benefit hugely from it. My dd2 was 1 exactly out of necessity but dd1 went from 18months. Both benefited because it brings on their social skills no end. It also teaches them to concentrate and to consider others i.e. share. This is essential in being ready to go to school. If you lack the patience or will to do creative activities at home it is great for this as well. Take it and enjoy it is my advice!

thecaptaincrocfamily · 30/08/2011 23:05

I have to add that I was a childminder and didn't need to send dd1 but I felt that being part of a group without me would be good for her. Both settled well after 2-3 weeks. I agree that 1 session per week is not enough because they settle less easily. 2 sessions well spaced is the best way so they don't forget for the next session.

naturalbaby · 30/08/2011 23:05

i was going to send ds1 at 2 1/2yrs then due to moving house and other stuff i didn't. he's about to start nursery and i'm bricking it as he has never been looked after/left in child care by anyone as i never needed to. ds2 was 2 a few weeks ago and i'm wondering whether to send him to preschool in a few months. part of me thinks get the separation thing dealt with sooner rather than later, other part thinks there's no need and i should save the money and heartache for a few more months.

ds1 is 3.4yrs and i wonder sometimes if he gets bored of all the toddler groups we go to with his little brothers but he's so happy at home and being with me all day every day so i'm happy to do the same with ds2. he is a livewire though and needs a lot of entertaining/supervising so i may change my mind soon!

MumblingRagDoll · 30/08/2011 23:08

I never sent mine away...either of them. I didn;t want to and made sure they did other things. Youngest is three and a half and starts nursery next week. I am DREADING it but I know now that she is ready. I know because I have the feeling that I cannot give what she needs totally anymore. Shes ready for more input and for the professionals to help her develop educationally.

I can't do ALL of it...I thnk you will know when he is ready

thecaptaincrocfamily · 30/08/2011 23:09

naturalbaby - I think you are right about toddler group - they are for toddlers, not pre-schoolers. I think if the dc is bright then a more structured or educational environment is helpful and is more stimulating. DD1 was really bright at 3 and needed more than toddler groups. She viewed them as babyish and resisted going

naturalbaby · 30/08/2011 23:09

and as for the 'selfish' and 'soft' comments - kids only get a few months/years at home with their mummies before they have to go to nursery/preschool/school so i don't see the rush when time goes so fast and before you know it it'll be his first day in primary school. i'm making the most of (my last week) staying at home, not having to get the kids to nursery on time etc etc.

MumblingRagDoll · 30/08/2011 23:10

Mine is going for two full days and one half day which seems a LOT...I may ask them if we can just do one full day and two halve for now.

Original poster

LittleBugsMum · 30/08/2011 23:10

WhiffOfBath Thank you, I think that was exactly what I wanted to hear.

My other reservations weren't big enough to even mention really. Discipline is a work in progress right now so I'm not keen on someone else getting involved. Also I don't really want him to spend time with children/adults that I don't know, without me there...yet, I don't know why tbh. And he runs away a lot, I have taken my attention away from him a couple of times and he's off, running, out of doors.

I'm lucky enough to have planned my life (well, technically, husband has planned) to enable me to be at home for my children and I'm as happy as I can be. This is my job. It seems incongruous to send him away.

OP posts:

winnybella · 30/08/2011 23:11

DD started going twice a week when she was 2.4 and very soon she was asking to go every day. She seems to have a lovely time there, she can't wait to go in the mornings. She started playing with other children there (while before she was saying 'no, no baby' whenever confronted by one in the park).

You could sign him up for few sessions, perhaps, and see if he likes it? If not, then there isn't any rule that he has to go.

naturalbaby · 30/08/2011 23:14

i remember last year seeing pre-school kids at toddler group barging about sending little 1yr olds flying out the way and thinking how inappropriate it was for them and now i've got 2 older ones tripping over the babies (and a baby to put in the baby corner).

you've got me thinking now, i'm going to look into taster sessions for my 2yr old once ds1 is settled in nursery.

Flisspaps · 30/08/2011 23:15

He's little. You're obviously not keen on sending him, so don't. He'll have a fabulous time staying at home with Mum, it sounds like he has plenty going in with his 'social life' visiting friends, and I'll bet he does loads of stuff with you that's considered to be educationally beneficial anyway :)

Enjoy having him at home, they're little for such a short time. You've got years ahead where you can pack him off and let someone else run round after him all day when he's a big stinky teenager.

winnybella · 30/08/2011 23:15

What I wanted to say is that if he does like it, you're not being a neglectful mother if you send him there. Big difference between a 2 mo spending 8hrs in a day care every day and a 2 yo going to do some craft and play two mornings a week.

He could love it, you know.

naturalbaby · 30/08/2011 23:17

bugsmum discipline is work in progress for us to and he also runs. his response to both situations is to laugh and watch me till i've turned away so he can do it again!

winnybella · 30/08/2011 23:20

And finally, children are brought up by a group/community all over the world and have been for ages and ages. This concept of a nuclear family/mummy being the sole carer 24/7 is a fairly new concept. Therefore feeling guilty for letting your child interact with others in a playgroup setting is a bit silly, sorry.

Original poster

LittleBugsMum · 30/08/2011 23:26

naturalbaby haha, he does too. Just today, I got down to his level & before I could speak he screwed his eyes shut tight. I realised it's because I say "look at me" when I'm about to tell him off. Sometimes I want to laugh!

Thanks flisspaps :) love your username.

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleBugsMum · 30/08/2011 23:29

winnybella He could love it hence the whole guilt thing. I don't want to send him because of the reasons I've said, not guilt.

Perhaps I am selfish.

OP posts:

FlamingoBingo · 30/08/2011 23:30

LittleBugs

None of my kids ever went to nursery either. They are home educated, so we have had the privilege of seeing when they've been ready to be left places without us, and each of them has been ready at wildly different ages. My oldest wouldn't be left until she was 6.5. My youngest has been left places already at only 2.

I agree entirely with your issues wrt discipline. I happen to believe very strongly that kids learn social skills better with a low adult:child ratio, not with heaps of other kids. They need a loving adult close by who can help them make sense of the world and their own emotions. Some kids need this less than others - only you know what your child needs and when he needs it.

You are not mollycoddling or being soft, you're being responsive and doing what's right for your child and your family, not what the rest of the world thinks is right.

Stick with your instincts

x

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 23:33

You're not selfish at all

If you don't want to send your child then don't.

I'm the youngest of 5 and none of us even went to nursery school. We all did well and enjoyed school.

My 3 sons all went to nursery school (in the school year they turn 4) but not to playgroup. They all thrive at school.

Every September I see a few kids crying/digging their heels in and clinging to their Mums in the school playground....some have been to playgroup/nursery and some have not.

They all settle in the end

Original poster

LittleBugsMum · 30/08/2011 23:34

They need a loving adult close by who can help them make sense of the world and their own emotions. Some kids need this less than others - only you know what your child needs and when he needs it.

I wanted to say this! I like to be there to interpret the world for him when he needs it. He asks questions all the time & I love to be there to explain, see him grasp things, help him learn. I thought it was me being 'soft' again. Thank you for that.

OP posts:

winnybella · 30/08/2011 23:36

Hmm. I do have to say that within a couple of sessions DD 'got' sharing and waiting for her turn. Also she wasn't having any tantrums there (I know because the playgroup is in my courtyard so I hear if a child cries).

Perhaps it helped that there is between 4-8 children and when there is more than 4-5 a second person comes in to help. The women are lovely, somewhat 'earthy' so the children do a lot of original/fun games as well as craft, dancing, singing etc etc.

Seriously, in terms of discipline I only saw positive effects. Now they have been closed over the summer, DD has reverted somewhat to regarding other children with deep suspicion (but still is better than she was).

Depends on the child, depends on the playgroup.

worraliberty · 30/08/2011 23:39

I wanted to say this! I like to be there to interpret the world for him when he needs it. He asks questions all the time & I love to be there to explain, see him grasp things, help him learn. I thought it was me being 'soft' again. Thank you for that

Yeah it is soft but it made me smile and nod so I must be a soft cow too