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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended by wedding lists?

288 replies

chandellina · 30/08/2011 15:55

It's one thing if you are truly setting up home for the first time as a young couple. Quite different IMO if you have owned a home and lived together for the past 10 years and now want a bunch of new things courtesy of a John Lewis gift list.

AIBU to resent my friends asking me to buy them new saucepans, duvet covers and towels? And why do we tolerate these lists, yet balk at the idea of baby showers, which actually serve a useful purpose?

OP posts:
SiamoFottuti · 02/09/2011 11:44

Debretts says its fine, as do most other people, so maybe you should ask yourself why you have such a bizarre over-reaction to a normal thing.

I've never got a wedding list, either in the invite or otherwise, but thats not how we do things here. It is, however, established tradition in the UK. It is clearly YOU that is out of step, not them.

tyler80 · 02/09/2011 11:47

"A chance for communities and families to come together and celebrate the start of a relationship and new family"

This is what I think weddings are about. The consumerism nature of modern weddings is what irks and the assumption that gifts will be given goes hand in hand with that.

Wamster · 02/09/2011 11:48

You can be in a minority of one and still be right.

Wamster · 02/09/2011 11:49

The wedding list may very well be a tradition, putting it in with the invite? I am not sure about that at all.

SiamoFottuti · 02/09/2011 11:51

You can. You're not though. And really, this much angst about whether a piece of paper is in an one envelope, or sent in another? Really?

Wamster · 02/09/2011 11:56

So where else do you suggest I voice my irritation about this, then? A thread about breastfeeding? This thread is about wedding lists, it is reasonable to voice opinions about it here.
I actually think that the wedding list in with invite thing is a controversial topic amongst etiquette experts anyway. So you cannot dismiss my posts as rubbish.
It's what I feel and so do others.

SiamoFottuti · 02/09/2011 12:00

You could take it to the Etiquette topic, I would have thought. Or perhaps you could get a hobby?

Wamster · 02/09/2011 12:06

As could you, as you seem to be spending your time replying to my posts.

SiamoFottuti · 02/09/2011 12:48

What can I tell you, I'm insufferably dull and have too much time on my hands at the moment.

lachesis · 02/09/2011 13:54

'A chance for communities and families to come together and celebrate the start of a relationship and new family, and not just an opportunity to piss off tight arses?'

Pass the bucket! That would be the kind of wedding with no lists, demands for money or mention of presents at all, if it exists. Especially the 'community' part. Since when is the community at large a part of someone's wedding, unless you count paying the Registrar to marry someone?

JukeboxJ · 08/11/2011 14:33

I've never liked product based wedding lists, its always a struggle to find the item that matches your budget, and i've been caught out a few times by not doing it soon enough. B&Q have recently launched a wedding list, but it is not product based. guests just put money onto a B&Q gift card which you then spend in store. I've been to counltess weddings where the bride and groom asked for B&Q vouchers, so its about time they did this.

notcitrus · 08/11/2011 15:00

You really can't win - we weren't going to mention anything about any wedding list in the invite, but before they went out, my mother complained she'd already had over a dozen phone calls from family (mostly hers) and friends asking where we were having one. After the first couple we were ordered to create a wedding list (so trotted off to JL and had a fun afternoon with the scanner!), and then we had to decide whether to possibly offend some people by including details, or annoy my mother by insisting they all contact her for them.

We figured my mother was scarier so the details were added to all the invite bumf (3 pages of A4 with maps and London transport info plus the actual invitation) with some explanation like "We really don't expect presents especially when many of you are coming from far away, but as we've been asked by several people if we have a list, details are..." - only better worded!

I was really touched by how many of our friends coordinated to get us a plate or so each so we ended up with almost a full dinner set.

AnotherEmptyNest · 08/11/2011 15:16

When I was married for the first time we suggested Midwinter Queensberry china and didn't specify what we would like to have. We finished up with just about everything available and were so grateful. I still use it 40 years later. I am talking about a time when wedding lists were not as 'popular' as they are now. Some of our presents were very welcome but a surprise and I use them even now.

30 years later second time. there was no wedding present list because we had both been married before and had things already but people kept asking what we would like to have. We were extremely satisfied pleased with what we were gven although we would have been happy with just their presence at our wedding (120 people).

Today's youngsters must have things NOW. Why can't they do what we did and have second hand things or just go without until they can afford something?

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