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Original poster

to be upset with OH using cocaine

246 replies

maybells · 26/08/2011 22:54

we have been together for over 6 years and have a 21 mnth old ds. 4 years ago my partner used cocaine while we were at a friends party after i asked him not to touch it. we had a huge fight and he agreed that he would never touch it again or i told him it would be over.
when oh has a drink he is a complete sheep and just follows what other people are doing. it was my birthday a couple of months ago and we got a rare night out with friends to celebrate. during the night my other half disappeared to play pool. he had to walk past our table to get to the loo. he was ages and it made me suspicious. anyway after 3 hours i was so bored i went to go and find him and he had white powder on his face. i asked him what the fuck it was and the bloke he was playing pool with and one of my friends said oh leave him alone have another drink!
he flatly denied using drugs so i believed him.
i went out with a close friend who was with us that night and asked her outright and she was snorting coke with my oh and this other bloke. i confronted oh and he admitted it! I'm gutted i cant believe he did it and on my birthday of all days. I'm so angry how can i trust him if the threat of loosing his family is not even enough to stop him. i look the biggest twat now and he hasn't even tried to make it up to me or anything he just says "well i know your angry and everything has been said that needs to be said". how the hell do i move on from this?

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 27/08/2011 20:08

We should either purchase things which fuel an "evil trade" or not.

Condemn parents who take part in any activities which increase their risk of death, or not.

Picking and choosing what is "OK" and what is not, based on a cobbled together set of "rules" basically from the tabloid press is illogical. There is no scientific basis for which drugs are legal and which are not. Some "evil trades" are legal and some are not. Some risky activities are deemed "worthwhile" and others are not. None of this is based in fact or science, it is based in tradition, superstition, lies and convenience.

exoticfruits · 27/08/2011 20:16

I think that those who are buying cocaine should at least read up about how it is produced here I don't know how anyone could support the trade having read it.

SardineQueen · 27/08/2011 20:18

Have you read up on petrol, exoticfruits?
Soft drinks?
What about your bank account / ISA / savings - do you have ethical accounts?

CoteDAzur · 27/08/2011 20:24

exoticfruits - Do you read what we write? Are you a bot?

It is not the users' fault that the drugs business is an 'evil trade'. If you want it to be a regular trade, legalize it. If not, don't whine about 'evil trade'.

exoticfruits · 27/08/2011 20:27

How does legalising it stop the deforestation of the Andes and the dumping of chemicals?
(Petrol, soft drinks etc is another issue that we are not discussing.)

exoticfruits · 27/08/2011 20:36

Apart from the fact that the country would grind to a halt without petrol and we would all starve without food distribution, whereas the end of the cocaine trade wouldn't make a jot of difference-other than some people would be healthier.

catgirl1976 · 27/08/2011 20:37

Banking would be in trouble....oh hang on.................never mind

SardineQueen · 27/08/2011 20:44

Hahahahaha @ the response being "oh we're not discussing that".

So how it goes is

Make or agree with silly statement
Look at counter arguments
Decide that the points raised by the silly statement are not up for discussion after all Grin

aldiwhore · 28/08/2011 02:13

Just a small point off away from the general line (no pun) of 'he's lied so must automatically have a stash which he's hiding in your children's toys' hysteria...... sometimes people lie because they're liars, sometimes they lie because their OH is very anal and want to avoid grief. And what kind of mutual 'friend' would tell either party about the lie? Its just not something that would come up in my life.

If I thought DH had had a line whilst out (unlikely he, like me, thinks its utterly crap) I'd possibly say 'you're talking like a cock, have you had a line?' at which point he'd either say yes, or no, and either way, if he was behaving like a knobhead would be sleeping on the sofa. No need for interrogation, paranoia, or conspiracy theories... its even less healthy than a line.

And yes, it destroys nations... can't argue with that, but snorting a line that's offered at a party does not make a person the destroyer of worlds.

exoticfruits · 28/08/2011 07:29

I can't see how you are comparing the manufacture of petrol and the manufacture of cocaine.
Modern life has to have petrol, food couldn't be distributed without. We do not need illegal drugs.
The orginal thread had nothing whatsoever to do with pertol or soft drinks so I don't see why we need to discuss them.
The person is colluding,aldiwhore. Not something that I would wish to do.It is just that you can can conveniently close your eyes to as it is far away-after all what does it matter if a poor DC in Columbia can't get clean water when your DC is healthy and well cared for? Hmm

Maiavan · 28/08/2011 08:10

My feelings on things like this are from lessons over the years. Allowing the use of drugs even on a purely recreational basis is not ok (if you not comfortable with it) because as with so many things, once you make it ok, you loose total say over it.

Its a bit like a teenager. Be careful what you allow and how early as once you have said yes - you no longer have much control. If you allow chat rooms, dating, clubbing (that kind of thing) then it takes on a life of its own that you dont get to decide on anymore. Once you have allowed something, its not very easy to "disallow" it. You just get to deal with the fallout of another individual human beings behaviour/reaction to it.

IF your dh gets addicted or starts doing it on a regular basis (why wouldnt he if he enjoys it and you are ok with it?) then you no longer decide how much, when, how much money he spends, his mood swings, the impact it has on your marriage/children, etc Oh he may agree with "only on this day..." but then when he is out, at the pub, having a celebration, on a boring day, stressful day, etc. You will only get to deal with his mood swings, his addiction, the loss of money, change in lifestyle, etc (the fallout) and it will be to late to say "Hang on - thats not ok!"

You get to decide where you lines are and what is a deal breaker and what is not based on your set of values, your morals and life experience. This would absolutely be one for me.

I really hope that I have put this across properly as its all clear in my head but Im struggling to get it down on here.

InTheNightKitchen · 28/08/2011 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 28/08/2011 09:40

I only ever buy fair trade bananas, coffee etc. You cannot buy fair trade cocaine.

catgirl1976 · 28/08/2011 09:41

I am now trying to imagine the marketing campaign for for fair trade coke.........

SardineQueen · 28/08/2011 09:42

exoticfruits your post is entirely contradictory.

Either you care about "poor DC who can't get clean water" or you don't.

If you are suggesting that you personally are happy to collude with things that you personally want to do (drive a car) but not with things that you personally want to do (take cocaine) then you are either a hypocrite or haven't thought things through properly.

If I want to take cocaine and not drive a car, is that OK with you? We are both participating in one "evil trade". Somehow I think you will not be happy with that though.

Have you heard of the niger delta? I find your comments about "DCs not having clean water" pretty tasteless TBH in the face of your suport of the petrol industry.

niger delta wikipedia
un report about the mess in the niger delta

catgirl1976 · 28/08/2011 09:44

"Say hello to our little friend.....Montana's Fair Trade Coke comes from 100% sustainable sources. Sustain your high whilst sustaining our village."

SardineQueen · 28/08/2011 09:44

DCs are dying and no-one is doing anything. It is a big deal. It is not "OK" because cars are useful.

At least if you are going to support the petrol industry you need to face up to what you are doing. Look at all the wars over oil, for chrissakes.

Your arguments are nonsensical to me. You don't get to buy things that result in death because you find them useful, and then slag off other people from buying things that they want which also result in death.

Dialsmavis · 28/08/2011 09:46

It would make lots and lots of £. Think of all those beardy, trendy glasses, Guardian reading meeja types who like a few bumps on a Friday night Grin

catgirl1976 · 28/08/2011 09:49

I might take it on Dragons Den...........:)

Maiavan · 28/08/2011 09:55

InTheNightKitchen your knowledge of coke is terribly impressive. Noddy badge to you.

Just wondering if it occurred to the people defending it that its illegal? So all those who scream about fraud with tax, looting, etc and yet defend illegal drugs are hypocrites. When one of your children decide that coke is no longer cool but heroine is, you dont have a leg to stand on because Many, many people (at least in the circles I move in) will do the occasional line.

Thankfully I dont move in those kinds of circles! It is quite mindblowing how people justify themselves about anything they want to do. Right or wrong they will try and make themselves right. Hmm

SardineQueen · 28/08/2011 10:02

Who is screaming about tax, looting etc? I must have missed that bit Hmm

Maiavan · 28/08/2011 10:09

Its not hard to understand Sardine so try and stay with me here. Illegal (drugs), Illegal (fraud, looting). Illegal is illegal. Would the same people who are saying its ok and quite acceptable to take Illegal drugs be ok with fraud, looting, etc.

Spuddybean · 28/08/2011 10:19

maiavan i think people can disagree with things which are illegal. Prohibition etc. Also i wouldn't say everything illegal is as bad as each other, parking in certain areas is illegal but so is rape and murder. They are not comparable.

People do choose their own stance on these things, whether illegal or not, and campaign for them to be made legal. Mass disobedience is a form of campaigning strategy ie poll tax refusal (that was also illegal).

busybee1983 · 28/08/2011 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

banana87 · 28/08/2011 10:21

DH does this about once a year, if that. I'm never around for it, but always find out about it. I do not like it at all, and have begged him not to do it, but it is what it is. The fact that it's once a year keeps me from making too big a deal out of it.