to be upset with OH using cocaine

[maybells]

we have been together for over 6 years and have a 21 mnth old ds. 4 years ago my partner used cocaine while we were at a friends party after i asked him not to touch it. we had a huge fight and he agreed that he would never touch it again or i told him it would be over.
when oh has a drink he is a complete sheep and just follows what other people are doing. it was my birthday a couple of months ago and we got a rare night out with friends to celebrate. during the night my other half disappeared to play pool. he had to walk past our table to get to the loo. he was ages and it made me suspicious. anyway after 3 hours i was so bored i went to go and find him and he had white powder on his face. i asked him what the fuck it was and the bloke he was playing pool with and one of my friends said oh leave him alone have another drink!
he flatly denied using drugs so i believed him.
i went out with a close friend who was with us that night and asked her outright and she was snorting coke with my oh and this other bloke. i confronted oh and he admitted it! I'm gutted i cant believe he did it and on my birthday of all days. I'm so angry how can i trust him if the threat of loosing his family is not even enough to stop him. i look the biggest twat now and he hasn't even tried to make it up to me or anything he just says "well i know your angry and everything has been said that needs to be said". how the hell do i move on from this?

Could it be that alcohol is a depressant which mimics the effects of a stimulant?

For example, because of the depressant on the common sense parts of the brain which might be telling you you're knackered / should go to bed / had have enough / shouldn't be talking so loudly / shag that bloke you act in an uncontrollable manner.

Similarly with the senses. When very drunk you are less receptive to pain, sexual stimulation, temperatures so to the observer you are more "wired" than a straight person but in actuality it's because these natural protective responses have been muted.

Obviously, these effects are temporary but as more and more is consumed the eventual reaction is to sleep very deeply or to pass or completely blank out.

I dunno, perhaps it is more complex than that but is how I have always understood it.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Nutt

Thanks Eurostar- remember the controversy but not the name. Great name for a professor. I imagine the Daily Mail et al had a ball with that...

" Its mind-bending that people feel that they can decide which laws are ok to live by and which not."

You must have a feeble mind if it is so easily bent

The obvious reality here is that a lot of people don't recognize the state's authority on their own bodies. A homosexual living in Iran will have same-sex relationships. A pregnant woman living in Ireland will travel elsewhere to have an abortion. A lot of people still had alcohol during Prohibition. And loads of people in places where recreational drugs are outlawed are thumbing their nose at their states and using them as and when they like.

I understand them all, because the state has no business telling us what we can't do with our bodies. And if it thinks it does, disobedience is completely understandable.

Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.

David Nutt is one of my heroes.

I love the prof too.

Now that I've looked him up, I'm a fan too. What he says is glaringly obvious common sense but I suppose that is always in short supply when the subject of drugs comes up- or rather, those nasty other drugs we don't take taxes on.......

I have to admit that when I was looking for that clip of the tv prog about booze with him on, I couldn't remember his name and googled "prof nutter"

I knew that it was a suitable name for someone with his views about drugs

It was pretty impressive when almost the entire drug advisory board to the govt (or whatever they were called) quit wasn't it. They couldn't see the point of what they were doing if their recommendations were always going to be ignored in favour of tabloid pleasing policies. Good for them.

I suspect "nutter" got used in the tabloids. Fair play to them for quitting. If I remember correctly, a few senior police officers have come out over the years and said the obvious too.
Probably didn't last long either....

It is annoying how the "war on drugs" is just a total disaster whichever way you look at it but no-one can do the obvious thing.

There is somewhere they decriminalised all drugs a while back and everything is dandy.
Somewhere else they started giving heroin on prescription and crime dropped overnight.
I think the WHO or someone did a report recently saying that legalisation / decriminalisation was the only way forward? Some people with clout anyway.

Nothing will happen though.

portugal decriminalised all drugs in 2001, has been a success

heroin prescriptions in switzerland

this was the influential group who said the war on drugs had failed

Note it is a lot of ex leaders. Now they're not having to be voted in they can say what they think.

A doctor in Liverpool (Dr.J. Marks) started giving addicts heroin about 20 years ago. Many of them got back into work and he was supported by High St stores whose shoplifiting problem improved dramatically. I think he was hounded by morons too and went to Switzerland.

It 's just so irritating when the rational logical course can't be followed because of hysterical uninformed nonsense.

It seems that Switzerland is moving that way. As for us, aside from the cancerous influence of the tabloid press, the U.S. exerts a lot of influence.
In short, UK drug policy is formulated to appease reactionary forces, instead of addressing the issue sensibly- or even humanely

people will always use drugs, always have done. its no one elses business what you put in your body, and even less business of others if it could be bought from the local shop and grown in controlled enviroments taking the danger away from gangs and farmers.

im sorry you dont like you oh taking coke, hes done it twice in 2 years and enjoys it, what right do you have to ask him to stop? he only lied cos he knows you dont like it. what happens when he decides he dousnt want you drinking or watching eastenders anymore?

live and let live, really not important

Gosh 244 messages!!! Does anyone know if op has been back to read them? I am not reading all them to find out lol.
Its not a easy situation Maybells. I have been through the same with a ex years ago but worse still it has heroin he was using behind my back. The thing is it starts just now and again but becomes more often in most cases.
It is how many times you are willing to let him upset you, you have to ask yourself? The breaking point for me was ..... my child I didnt want someone using heroin for their role model or any drug for that matter.
I don't envy you it is a crap situation to be in. I even went away with him for 5 days while he did a detox. Life was hell after his life was herion. I learnt that Only the person who takes the drugs can change that noone can make them.

if it was something he really didn't want me to do i wouldn't do it. sorry but i dont agree live and let live. ok so when a partner goes off and has sex with someone else what is to tell him he shouldn't. a bit ridiculous really its all about mutual respect and trust!

In fairness, I don't think there is any comparison between him having the odd line with his mates and shagging someone else. Mutual respect and trust would suggest that you shouldn't tolerate the latter but you should probably lighten up on the former.