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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner making snide comments on DDs facebook

236 replies

MuckyBogStain · 25/08/2011 14:43

DD is currently away in London for the week and this morning posted a status on facebook about her breakfast saying it was lovely and the chefs can cook.

DP then posted a reply saying "well that's generally what chefs do". A number of people have "liked" DPs reply which to me is a little like group piss-taking.

He's always doing this though and we've talked about it before and his answer is that she shouldn't post "dopey" status updates which he justifies by saying none of the other 14/15 year olds on his facebook post daft comments like she does and that she should have grown out of it by now.

AIBU to see that he's done it again?

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 25/08/2011 22:00

He is a pratrat

cricketballs · 25/08/2011 22:01

how is he constantly watching for her updates kelly? They come up on his newsfeed, he will not be actively stalking her ffs

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 25/08/2011 22:04

i agree with most of what kelly is saying, the guy is weird, creepy, nasty, dominating and probably on the verge of being a right feckin bully.

OP, come back and let us know what you think. Are you going to encourage your DD to defriend/block him, and are you going to tell him why?

kelly2000 · 25/08/2011 22:07

Oh come on a grown man, making a point of making nasty comments when he sees his partners young daughter updates her status. It is weird and creepy and not normal. Fine if he was saying "have a good time in London" "glad it is going well", but to constantly make a point of being nasty is weird, and unhealthy. If a teenage boy behaved liek this you would think he fancied her, so it is just creepy that her stepfather behaves like that, especially as he has been told not to and refuses to stop and makea point of saying he does it because he wants her to be more mature. It is abnormal for a grown man to behave like this towards a young girl.

DioneTheDiabolist · 25/08/2011 22:09

YANBU. The problem here is not that your DP comments on DD's facebook, it's that his comments bother her. He knows this because she has told him so, but he keeps on doing it. If he dislikes "dopey" status updates, then frequenting the FB pages of teenagers is going to annoy him.

The fact that he is continuing to behave in a way that hurts your DD is very worrying.

Dogsbestfriend are you having a laugh? Being a teenager is a difficult enough time without a grown up (who should be there for you and definitely know better) taking the piss out of you for all your friends to see.

Tiredmumno1 · 25/08/2011 22:11

I agree kelly,

And if he thinks her updates are dopey, then his dappy remarks are just as dopey, difference being - she's a kid, he's an adult, i think he is the one that needs to grow upI agree kelly,

And if he thinks her updates are dopey, then his dappy remarks are just as dopey, difference being - she's a kid, he's an adult, i think he is the one that needs to grow up

Tiredmumno1 · 25/08/2011 22:12

Apologies for my silly phone

flippinada · 25/08/2011 22:13

Yep.

Grown man follows his step-daughter/daughter around social networking sites to make snidey, off colour comments.

Has 'loads' of other young teens as f/b friends.

Doesn't stop doing something that upsets DD/DSD when its pointed out to him, in plain terms that she doesn't like it.

Sounds like a delightful fella. Not at all weird or unpleasant. Nooo.

coppertop · 25/08/2011 22:15

"we've talked about it before and his answer is that she shouldn't post "dopey" status updates which he justifies by saying none of the other 14/15 year olds on his facebook post daft comments like she does and that she should have grown out of it by now."

Then surely the correct response to this is "DP, none of the other adults on my facebook post daft comments like you do and you really should have grown out of it by now, yes?"

seeker · 25/08/2011 23:24

"Adults and 14 year olds are not friends

Of course they can be.. are you saying that teenagers should not be able to interract with adults. How the hell do you expect them to cope when they are out in the real world if they are not supposed to speak to people older than them?"
Of course they socialise and interact and have fun and all the rest. But being a friend is different. I have loads of young people in my social circle but they are not my friends.

And there is nothing sadder than an adult who thinks they are "down with the kids".

ShootinTheBreeze · 26/08/2011 00:22

A lot of you sound like the cast of "Shameless". No. It's not okay to belittle a child repeatedly in front of her friends. It's cruel, and not gentle ribbing.

midlandsmumof4 · 26/08/2011 01:38

I'm a 'friend' on Facebook with quite a few very young relatives (GREAT nieces & nephews btw & I mean grand kids of brothers/sisters Blush ) They have added me and I've seen some really strange/funny statuses which I'd really love to reply to or take the mick out of....but I'm an adult and mindful of that fact......

midlandsmumof4 · 26/08/2011 01:41

because what I think is funny/witty is not necessarily the mindset of 14/15 year old..

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 26/08/2011 05:22

Flyingspaghetti, my Dad's the same. We haven't lived together since I was 4, were estranged completely from when I was 16 and the relationship only really reconciled when I had his first grandchild three years ago. We visited (overseas trip) this year which was the longest time I've spent with him as an adult ever, and I never realised how much of his interaction is about putting people down and getting a rise from people. I think it's his normal modus operandi but also he's a bit intimidated by me (because I'm a lot like my Mum, and also far more educated than he is despite being female, which pushes his buttons) so it's aimed squarely at me.

And now it's Facebook and it drives me batty. I post a cute picture of my two year old having a tea party with her teddy bears, and he posts a comment criticising the chairs. I say something about baking with her, he posts something about 'good to see that you are teaching her a woman's place is in the kitchen'. It's ridiculous. But I don't think he really means to put me down constantly, it's just that he knows no other way of engaging, and so - like a five year old - is going with 'negative attention is better than none'.

Um, anyway. Sorry. Long post just to say you're not alone and I sympathise!

exoticfruits · 26/08/2011 07:42

I can't understand why you don't defriend them-it is very simple. If asked say that you prefer to do without their comments (quite politely).

exoticfruits · 26/08/2011 07:43

If you don't want to defriend them you can just hide them.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/08/2011 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flippinada · 26/08/2011 08:12

SGM and midlandsmum that sounds like how I would expect/hope an adult to behave around teens.

flippinada · 26/08/2011 08:13

Sorry, crap grammar (first thing and I need coffee) - sure you get the meaning though :)

WidowWadman · 26/08/2011 08:59

seeker why should parents not be friends with their children on facebook?

For me it's still a few years away until it becomes an issue, but I'd think keeping tabs on your child's social networking activities, by being on their friendslist, especially when they only start out, would be a pretty normal thing to do.

exoticfruits · 26/08/2011 09:03

The very reason that mine don't have me as friend is that they don't want me keeping tabs!!

rainbowinthesky · 26/08/2011 09:06

I couldnt get past the fact your dp has lots of 14/15 year olds on his facebook? Why on earth??

seeker · 26/08/2011 09:06

No- I think parents should keep out of their children's social lives as far as possible. And that includes their online social lives. I know my dd's password and she knows that if I have cause for concern, I will look, but apart from that she is entitled to her privacy. I trust her not to change the password, and she trusts me not to invade her private space.

Maiavan · 26/08/2011 09:09

I have not read the whole thread but I would suggest your dd deleting him off facebook. If he feels she is to "immature" then he does not belong on her friends list (she is of course 14/15 and its not a given that he has the right to see everything she does/says).

Why anyone feels they HAVE to respond to status updates, is beyond me. Tell him that if he cant say anything nice - don't say anything at all. I could think of nothing worse for a teenager than having a parent comment on everything they do/say on facebook. I would cringe and I am pretty sure my sons would delete me (rightfully) immediately.

WidowWadman · 26/08/2011 09:12

See, I would never ask for my children's passwords or to read their mail. Asking to see what they post publicly is certainly less intrusive than asking for their passwords.

Anyway, I'm still trying to find out what is so snidy about the original remark. It's not side-splittingly funny, but I can't see anything worth taking offense?