Partner making snide comments on DDs facebook

[MuckyBogStain]

DD is currently away in London for the week and this morning posted a status on facebook about her breakfast saying it was lovely and the chefs can cook.

DP then posted a reply saying "well that's generally what chefs do". A number of people have "liked" DPs reply which to me is a little like group piss-taking.

He's always doing this though and we've talked about it before and his answer is that she shouldn't post "dopey" status updates which he justifies by saying none of the other 14/15 year olds on his facebook post daft comments like she does and that she should have grown out of it by now.

AIBU to see that he's done it again?

[kelly2000]

because he uses it to facebook stalk her and make nasty bullying comments about her constantly and refuses to stop. I told my husband about this thread to see what he thought. He was less charitable than me and looked horrified and said "eugh" before expaning on how weird and creepy he thought it was.

[ChumleeIsMyHomeboy]

Kelly2000 - you really honestly think one slightly twatty not-very-funny remark is bullying?? Are you for real and do you have any idea what real bullying is?

[hester]

Your dp sounds mean. I wouldn't be happy either.

[cricketballs]

and how does commenting on her posts mean he is stalking her? Every time someone changes their status, adds photos etc it comes on your newsfeed, therefore no stalking as it is automatic

[flippinada]

It's not just one remark though, Chumlee - it's in the context.

As a one off daft comment, no big deal.

But, OP says he is 'always' doing it.

[squeakytoy]

Adults and 14 year olds are not friends

Of course they can be.. are you saying that teenagers should not be able to interract with adults. How the hell do you expect them to cope when they are out in the real world if they are not supposed to speak to people older than them?

I am friends with teenagers. I dont go out drinking with them.. but I do socialise with them on occasion. For example I recently had a friend visiting from overseas, and we took a friends teenage daughter (15) with us when we went to London Zoo, and last year the same girl came to Eastbourne Airshow with us. I have known her since she was a small child. Should I not be friends with her?

She regularly puts daft status updates on her facebook, and has no problem at all with me gently taking the piss. She doesnt see it as bullying. She is more than able to come up with a retort.. She also comments on things that I have posted... that is what people who know each other tend to do.

[ChumleeIsMyHomeboy]

Exactly squeaky - my own only-just-no-longer-teenage son is freinds on FB with quite a few of my friends - not instigated by me and he regularly chats with them and indulges in a bit of ribbing. I love the fact that the huge generation gap of our teenage years doesn't seem to trouble this generation.

[ColdSancerre]

I have my 14yo niece on my fb, we're friends of course we are. She has my dad on her fb I think and he's in his 70's. She chooses to add me and my dad and plenty of other adults as well as all her dippy mates.

[Pagwatch]

An adult posting on a teenagers wall to say happy birthday or well done about something is usual and common place I would imagine.

But if my dh sat down to post unfunny shite on the fb pages of my dcs friends or our relatives, I would wonder when he had become so fucking dull.

I engage with teenagers in front of me. On fb they tend to exchange teenage blurble -which is as it should be. They should broadly be left to it.
Unless you are trying to 'hang with the kids'

[flyingspaghettimonster]

It's the not-just-one-comment that is key here - the occasional amusing or sarcastic comment is fine, funny even, but when it becomes a kind of social stalking it causes distress because anything the girl writes, the father can find an amusing way to ridicule. Not bullying particularly and I am sure he would be upset to realise that is how it comes across, but it is the fact it is a written comment, rather than an off-hand said then forgotten spoken comment that stings. So when my father writes something negative about my posts, it is there for everyone to see and it belittles me. I have had so many people private message me to ask who the jerk-off is that comments on all my posts and it is embarrassing to admit it is my father. I tried the blocking him from seeing my wall option, but caved in and reinstated him after telling my step mother precisely why I had removed him... I assumed she would pass on my opinions, but he just went right back to normal.

Things that are funny when spoken are not always so funny when read without context/tone of voice etc.

[squeakytoy]

The teenagers I know are capable of engaging in conversations both on facebook and in real life without constantly talking in teenage babble or textspeak. That isnt to say they dont do it at times.. just not all the time.

My stepchildren have all their family members as friends, including their grandparents. We do tend to be a family that can rib each other and have banter without anyone getting their knickers in a twist or taking offence at innocuous remarks though.

[brighthair]

My mum did this on my status updates to the point where people were saying she was being nasty. So I blocked her from seeing status updates, job done

[flippinada]

There's nothing wrong with ribbing your friends/family and having a laugh.

But daughter/step daughter isn't happy about it so he shouldn't do it. If someone does something you don't like and you tell them to stop it, they should bloody well stop it!

Plus, it's not the job of a young teen to 'stand up' to an adult who behaving like a bully towards them. Some teens might be bolshy and answer back to an adult, some might find it really hard.

Moot point though - the adult in question shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

I only posted one snide comment on my dds facebook (why I don't know) and that was me defriended!

[squeakytoy]

FSM, you can just delete the comments if you dont like them. I have someone who often posts smutty comments, mainly because he knows it annoys me.. I just delete them when I see them. In the main he is not annoying, so he hasnt been blocked.... yet

[didyouseewhatshedid]

There is banter squeakytoy and there is sarcasm. And there is a difference.

[flippinada]

Precisely flyingspaghettimonster - I'm really surprised people don't see that.

[squeakytoy]

If the other posts that this dad/stepdad has made are in a similar vein to the one in the OP, then it is the daughter who is being over sensitive. It was a very mild pisstake... it wasnt rude, it wasnt calling her stupid, it was just a throwaway comment and if she cant handle something as mild as that, then she needs to do a bit of growing up.

[kelly2000]

chumless,
it is nto just one comment he does it a lot, he has been asked to stop but refuses. Plus his response that he is doing it because he does not like her comments and wants her to be as mature as the other children he is freinds with says volumes. It is bullying plain and simple, and it is sneaky as he knows he is in a position of power over her. If another teenager was constantly keeping an eye out for her updates in order to make nasty remarks no-one would be in any doubt it was bullying.
When an adult behaves like him at best you think he is a loser in real life who needs to make him feel a big man by belittling teenage girls who he has power over, or it comes across as extremely creepy, and disturbing.

[usualsuspect]

Maybe he needs to do the growing up

[didyouseewhatshedid]

OP - the MN jury has spoken. You need to dump this fuck-wit.

[flippinada]

The key word there being if.

[kelly2000]

And constantly watching for her updates and making nasty comments is akin to stalking in this context. If a teenage boy did this people would think he fancied her, so it is just plain weird and stalky that a grown man is behaving like this especially as he admits he does it not because he thinks it is funny, but that he wants to make different comments. If I was facebook friends with a guy who kept doing this and refused to stop as he felt my comments were in his opinion dopey I would think he was a complete freak, and block him. But it is going to be very awkward for a young teenager to tell her mother's boyfriend she blocked him as creeps her out. personally I think the best thing would be for the dd to get her friends to make comments in reply telling him what a creep he is -an "oh gross here is dd's step dad facebook stalking again" would probably stop him in his tracks.

[kelly2000]

Sorry that should have read he wants her to make different comments, almost like he is trying to punish her, a normal adult would not have responded like he did.

[flippinada]

Are other people just not seeing the comment in the OP about him 'always' doing it and refusing to stop when asked ? He's been asked to stop doing it because it upsets DD/DSD and he won't. That is awful.

Also, that he thinks his DD's/DSD's comments are dopey compared to other kids the same age?

Those of you with P's/H's, how would you feel if they were always having a go at or making snidey comments to your teenage DC?