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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want mil to choose new babys name

82 replies

biddysmama · 25/08/2011 10:42

baby is due in january, mil likes the name tilly, i dont... apparently shes always loved the name tilly and only had one girl which she named after her mother.... we considered tilly for ds2 when i was pg but hes a boy so obviously doesnt work, this is the last grandchild (2 of dhs siblings are infertile, other 2 are much older) so sil and mil are going on and on about calling it tilly bullying /.guilting dh... i dont like the name and have a name we do like

aibu to not want to?

OP posts:
cornsilx · 25/08/2011 10:43

yanbu
why doesn't dh tell them to shut up?

MrsCarriePooter · 25/08/2011 10:44

Of course YANBU. Ignore.

pjmama · 25/08/2011 10:44

This is a no brainer - its your baby, you choose the name. If you've told them straight that you won't be calling her Tilly, then I'd stop being polite and tell them to mind their own business.

ChairOfTheBored · 25/08/2011 10:44

No, of course you're not.

Make sure you and DH agree this, then ignore all other comments.

StrandedBear · 25/08/2011 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrimaBallerina · 25/08/2011 10:45

YANBU! But don't lead them on. Just say you like it but won't be using it. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about and they'll soon forget about it once your new DC (who isn't called Tilly) is here.

Rowena8482 · 25/08/2011 10:45

nope - I would be tempted to say "but MiL Dearest, we'd have a child named Tilly, and we hate the name. You can't like the name that much you didn't call {her daughter's name} Tilly, so why should we?" You could finish with "We like..." and pick the vilest most outlandish name you can think of (I am so not picking a name in there because it would immediately transpire that there were several people with that name here and they would be hurt by me saying their name is outlandish and/or vile.)

puzzlesum · 25/08/2011 10:45

Christ, I hope they aren't banging on about 'this is the last grandchild' in front of the two siblings who aren't able to have children. Who knows, one of them might decide to adopt or whatever, and in any case it makes no difference to your right to choose the name you want for your child.

deemented · 25/08/2011 10:46

YANBU.

I feel your pain though. When i was pregnant with DS3 she presented me with a list of baby names she liked and told me to choose...

Funnily enough, we didn't pick a name that was on her list...

I'm not pregnant with DC5, and am awaiting the next list.

eurochick · 25/08/2011 10:47

I'd remind them that they had their chance to pick baby names when they had kids. Now it's your chance.

AfternoonDelight · 25/08/2011 10:47

Only two people are allowed in the registry office. Just remember that.

deemented · 25/08/2011 10:47

She, being manshapes mother, obviously Grin

Sn0wflake · 25/08/2011 10:47

None of their beeswax. You know that already don't you?

onlinefriend · 25/08/2011 10:48

Basically your MIL lost her chance to use her favoured name as she bowed to pressure to name her child after someone else. So now she wants you to give up your chance to choose your babies name instead. Nooooo

(I'm very biased as my mum was put under serious pressure to give me a name that she didn't herself want to choose. She stood her ground despite much hinting, sulking etc. I am so glad she did. That name wouldn't have suited me at all). Mothers know best about these things.

OddBoots · 25/08/2011 10:49

YANBU, just don't enter into the discussion, when they mention it change the subject or just brush it off with a 'hmm'. When baby arrives and is named they'll get over it.

My Grandma wanted my named Kirsty but my parents made up their own minds and it was only brought up later in the context of light-hearted joshing that she even entertained the idea that it was her decision to make.

Renaissance227 · 25/08/2011 10:49

Shock at MiL
YANBU! Your baby, your decision

delphinedownunder · 25/08/2011 10:50

Just say you'll think about it and choose a name that you both like at the time. And don't choose it. Infertile though? doesn't mean that children won't necessarily happen.

ColdSancerre · 25/08/2011 10:50

Buy her a hamster, call it Tilly, job done. YANBU, your MIL is

Carrotsandcelery · 25/08/2011 10:50

YANBU - your baby, your choice!

Why not rescue a cat or dog for her as a gift and call it Tilly? Grin

Newmummytobe79 · 25/08/2011 10:51

YANBU at all!

Tell them you knew a Tilly at school and she was a bully or a manipulative child and you couldn't associate your daughter with that name even if you tried! Wink

Carrotsandcelery · 25/08/2011 10:51

Ha ha! Cross posts Cross

ShoutyHamster · 25/08/2011 10:51

Tell her you're saving Tilly for the hamster.

No, seriously, tell DH to tell them to shut up now, because they are being RUDE. And tell them if they continue demonstrating to you just how controlling and bossy and boundary-pushy they are going to be over this baby, then they will end up seeing FAR less of him/her than they otherwise might.

StrikeUpTheBand · 25/08/2011 10:52

YANBU at all. One of the major things with being a parent is naming your baby. You need to tell them it is not going to happen. Just tell them you already have names in mind thanks. If they carry on, point out it is the job of the parents to name their own child.
I think I upset my own mum by refusing to discuss names and having it only a discussion between myself and DP. I think that is the right way to go though. If you start discussing names with relatives before it is decided they are sure to find your best name choice unacceptable and you will never please everyone out there. So do not discuss it and then have DH announce the name once the baby is born Smile.

JanMorrow · 25/08/2011 10:53

Just ignore it and get your husband to tell them to bugger off if they persist.

pjmama · 25/08/2011 10:53

I like the hamster idea - buy one for your DS and tell her he's heard family mentionng the name Tilly so many times that this is what he's decided to name the hamster. What a shame, now it would be inappropriate to call the baby the same name! Grin