to not want mil to choose new babys name

[biddysmama]

baby is due in january, mil likes the name tilly, i dont... apparently shes always loved the name tilly and only had one girl which she named after her mother.... we considered tilly for ds2 when i was pg but hes a boy so obviously doesnt work, this is the last grandchild (2 of dhs siblings are infertile, other 2 are much older) so sil and mil are going on and on about calling it tilly bullying /.guilting dh... i dont like the name and have a name we do like

aibu to not want to?

[Ephiny]

YANBU at all, they're behaving very strangely and rudely. Fine for them to make a suggestion, but not to keep going on about it. I'd refuse to discuss the whole naming issue, just announce the name you and DH choose when your baby arrives.

[Honeydragon]

BeStillMyBeatingFart

You Sir/Madam are a genius


dh wound up choosing ds's. With dd I simply told him to come up with something. This was brill, as every single time someone asked what we were calling dd I shrugged and went nowt to do with me asked Mr Honeydragon.

Mr Honeydragon would then go " I'm very busy and haven't thought about it yet" and various family members would go around with cats bum mouths

By 36 weeks they were visibly sulking but left me alone

[TooImmature2BDumbledore]

Tell your DH to man up, or, alternatively, laugh hysterically the next time she raises it and say "Tilly?? Ewwww! You must be joking!"

Tilly is not a name, it is a nickname for something like Matilda. Call the baby Matilda and then nickname her Mattie just to be annoying!

Or, just tell MIL NO!

[hester]

Whenever a baby is on the way, my entire family pile in with 'helpful' suggestions; that's the way we are. I even told my db and SIL that in India, naming is the prerogative of the father's sister. They told me to bog off . But it can be a nice bonding activity for the whole family provided that family get the boundaries and understand that they are simply coming up with ideas, not getting a vote.

TheDoctorsWife46 - when my godson (now 20) was born, his gran decided HE had to be called John, because every generation of her family had its own John. The parents didn't agree, but gran Would Not Hear. She and I were both birth partners and, I kid you not, all through labour she was rabbiting on about it, cooing at her dd's tummy and calling out, "Come on John, out you come!"

After the birth we all went home, and as we all lay around exhausted I heard her calling everybody on the phone, telling them excitedly, "John is here!"

She now accepts he is not called John. But grudgingly.

[Bandwithering]

nyanbu. my xmil kept suggesting names. She even went so far as to say she would bring back some things from America with the name sheliked on them. she kept dissing any name I liked, with the annoying phrase "mmmm you have to think of the child though" and x seemed to hold her opinion in a higher regard.

[porcamiseria]

tell them to fuck off!

[Mumwithadragontattoo]

Obviously YANBU.

BUT why did you say DS2 would be Tilly if a girl? That might have given MIL the impression that you like the name and want to call a daughter it.

[BeStillMyBeatingFart]

Nah, get a hamster.

Kills two birds (possibly three) with one stone.

a) name will be used with the possibility of winding MiL up

b) you'll have a HAMSTER!! Yay!

[Fluter]

Or alternatively, hand the deed poll forms to her, and say, "you like the name so much, change yours to it." And spend the rest of the day calling her Tilly....

[ShoutyHamster]

Print out the deed poll forms and have them ready to hand to your SIL the next time the pair of them start going on about it.

'Oh what are these biddysmama'

'They're the only way you're going to get a female descendant called Tilly, MIL'

[reelingintheyears]

Choosing names is one of the best things about having your own baby...

She's had her turn and now it's yours.

Tell her to wind her neck in.

[Blatherskite]

Mrs Kwazii. You've listened to my tales of woe before obviously

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"so sil and mil are going on and on about calling it tilly bullying /.guilting dh"

So they have a go at DH, not you biddysmama? Pity, because a huge pretend hormonal meltdown could seriously guilt-trip them right back. Or maybe phone them up and do a very loud telephone meltdown to the both of them? I would not hesitate to make them feel bad for bullying DH.

[MrsKwazii]

Blathers - am but not surprised at your MIL.

OP - agree with everyone else here. You and DH's choice and yours alone. If you don't like confrontation just smile and nod and choose your own babies name like all normal people do.

We didn't tell anyone the names of either of our DDs until they were born. We wanted to make sure that the name suited them IYKWIM. And I didn't want anyone's opinion or face-pulling about them. None of their business plus I can be a contrary old cow when I'm hormonal

[jumpingjackhash]

My friend had a cat called Tilly - can't get beyond that image now!

Seriously though, don't even let them think they have a hope of naming your DD - get in there with 'but I don't like that name for my daughter' at the next opportunity! Dare you ask why MIL didn't name SIL Tilly (or will that open a whole can of worms)?

Otherwise, I do like the hamster idea!

[kelly2000]

So she could have called her child Tilly, but chose not to, so therefore she gets to name your child. next time they mention it, just say you will not be calling her tilly as you do not like the name, then ignore them. Make it clear to DH you are not calling her tilly either.

[MissMap]

I wanted to call our first DD Matilda, Tilly for short when I mooted the idea with my MiL she said " Oh no, I Had a dog named Tilly when I was a gal and she always had fleas in her ears."
We had to have a rethink.

[NorfolkBroad]

YANBU! She had her chance with her own daughter and chose a different name. Use your choice.

[Fluter]

I'm constantly flummoxed by the way a lot of posters' families seem to think they have the right to tell the parents what to call THEIR child. Not one of my or DH's family (or any of our friends) would have the bare-arsed cheek to do it - much less present us with lists of what is 'acceptable' or 'not acceptable'.

Even if we were considering Moonbeam Peaches Fifi and Zorro Humperdink Featherstonehaugh for DT1 and DT2, it's still our choice.... (we're not, BTW )

Quite honestly, anyone who tried would be met with a polite: "get lost, it's our choice - you want a child named that, you go have one or get a dog and call it that". Any further attempts and they'd get a less polite version. I think the "we're not discussing it" / "we'll wait and see what the baby looks like before deciding" approach is probably best.

[MollyMurphy]

Tell them to piss off end of. Of course you shouldn't pick a name you don't like - its none of their business. You know that of course you are not being unreasonable.

[EldritchCleavage]

My sister made the mistake of discussing name choices with my mother when she was having her first child. One name in particualr sent my mother into complete (and very rude) meltdown. This despite the fact my mother has never persuaded or browbeaten my sister into doing anything ever ever ever since birth, so it was all completely pointless.

Cue Eldritch's second pregnancy, what does mother suggest as a boy's name option? Yup, the very name she stropped about all those years ago. She knows we have no intention of discussing names with her-she'll only find out what mini-Cleavage is called when my husband rings to say I've had the baby. And she will be expected to swallow down hard on any dislike or disapproval.

OP I agree you should give your MIL a firm 'No' now. There will probably be less fall-out that way than if you stay non-commmittal but then don't use the name.

[LillianGish]

And make sure you don't choose any name that can conceivably be shortened to Tilly.

[Blatherskite]

My MIL went to the extreme of trying to talk DH out of the Vasectomy he wanted and into another child so that we could have a girl and name her Daisy!

Apparently, FIL had never expressed a preferece for names when his own two daughters were born or when the previous 3 granddaughters arrived but after I had DD, he decided he liked Daisy and someone had to provide him with one!

We didn't want another child, couldn't guarantee a girl and even if we did/could I wouldn't have named her Daisy so we declined!

Stick to your guns OP. She had her choice to name her own children. It's your turn now. Tell her you know a dog called Tilly - my sister has one.

[bakeyouhappy]

When I was pregnant my mil emailed me 'new baby should be named after my father. Its a good name, a strong name etc.' She copied the whole family. By the time I got the email I had the whole family replying. 'Great name' 'ooh good idea' 'I love it'
And then me 'er no, his name is x'

[YouDoTheMath]

Genuine question - why do other people think they have a say in a baby's name when they're not the parents?

Agree with what Blu said.