to not want mil to choose new babys name

[biddysmama]

baby is due in january, mil likes the name tilly, i dont... apparently shes always loved the name tilly and only had one girl which she named after her mother.... we considered tilly for ds2 when i was pg but hes a boy so obviously doesnt work, this is the last grandchild (2 of dhs siblings are infertile, other 2 are much older) so sil and mil are going on and on about calling it tilly bullying /.guilting dh... i dont like the name and have a name we do like

aibu to not want to?

[muminthemiddle]

YANBU
You need to tell her straight, "I don't like the name Tilly".
Don't be wishy washy otherwise you are giving out the message that perhaps you will call her Tilly and that is unfair.

[DontAskMeSums]

YANBU

[going]

Of course yanbu!

When I was pregnant with dd1 ils suggested I chose a plain name like Jane or Ann - we went for a long flouncy name, they didn't suggest anything for the next two!

[DontAskMeSums]

Sorry, pressed wrong button.
Decide a name with Dh and when they mention the name Tilly again, tell them you don't like that name and you will be naming her (insert name). End of. You couldn't possibly be expected to give your child a name you don't like.

[belgo]

If you're dh is too spineless to stand up to his mother, make sure you and you alone register the baby's name.

[exoticfruits]

I don't know why you are even discussing names with them. There is no need to argue. Just nod and smile and say 'really'-otherwise ignore. After the baby is born, announce the name. Do not get defensive or feel you have to explain or justify. If she mentions it just say mildly, 'Tilly was your favourite, we preferrred X' and change the subject.(sound like a broken record if she persists-never sound more than mildly and politely surprised that she is discussing it)

[ZacharyQuack]

Start calling SIL Tilly. Then MIL can have what she's always wanted, a daughter called Tilly.

[PercyFilth]

Tilly is a dog's name. I know five dogs round here called Tilly.

[clarinsgirl]

What exoticfruits said.

[Lotkinsgonecurly]

Name your dc whatever you and dh agree on. And we all know that there are loads of names that one of you likes and the other doesn't and eventually you'll agree on something.

When you do get a cat name it Tilly! Or the new dc's new cuddly toy call it Tilly. Job done!

[sjuperwolef]

tell them to shut up and back off. in fact make your DH do it, they are his bullying family.

[mistlethrush]

I just got a list of names we couldn't call a dd from my MiL

[OTheHugeRaveningWolef]

YANBU at all. Your MIL has no say in what your child is named. And (apols to anyone with a DD called Tilly) but Tilly makes me shudder a bit anyway.

Second everyone saying you should get a hamster and call it Tilly.

[happyhorse]

Why on earth would you're mother in law get to choose your baby's name? She's had her chance with her own children. Just smile and nod and then, when the baby is born just tell her the name - and register it quickly to put an end to it.

[Tinkerisdead]

I've got this exact problem in that I'm expected to call mine John if its a boy. Its the family name so it apparently has to be in there. It won't be! I don't dislike the name but I dont love it enough to use it on my child. My in laws have kept on about it to DH though so I havent had the pleasure of saying No yet. Im not sure what I want more, a son to see their faces when its not named John or a daughter so they realise their hopes of John are gone as I want this to be the last baby.

Tell them no to Tilly. Or wait til you just announce the name and it's not Tilly. Thats what I'm doing. Waiting it out for the crestfallen expectant face as I beam back from my hospital bed.

[clam]

Think you need to nip this in the bud right now. Imagine if she allowed herself to carry on thinking you were considering it because you hadn't actually outright said fuck off no, and then told all her friends Tilly's the name. You'd then get a shedload of congratulations cards welcoming Tilly to the world when actually you'd have a Hermione. Or something.
Sort it. Now. Or get your DH to, as long as he can be trusted to do it properly!

[curlyredhair]

I had this from my MIL, she wanted first grandchild to be Megan. Nothing wrong with Megan except my best friend has a daughter Megan so there was no way we were using it. YANBU and need to tell her to butt out!

[clam]

By the way, do you know you're having a girl? Or is this all hypothetical?

[KellyKettle]

Oh we just had a similar conversation with MIL at the weekend. She had a MC 25 years ago and is convinced that, because she carried 2 boys to term, the baby she lost must have been a girl ("girls are weaker").

She asked me if we'd use the name of the baby she lost. Well, not just one name, it's 3 names actually - first two hyphenated.

I just said they're nice names but I don't like them enough to use them if we have a girl. She then told me that we can't use the boys name we've picked out because she doesn't like the abbreviated name. It winds me up but at the end of the day she must know the decision isn't hers - like your MIL can't really expect to be able to choose the name of your baby.

I agree with everyone else, don't worry about it and when they baby arrives just tell them the name.

p.s Are you having a girl?

[femalevictormeldrew]

YANBU

[ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld]

YANBU Just tell them no and if they keep banging on about it to you that you'll simply have to see less of them because you've no desire to be in the company of people who are disrespectful towards you.

[clam]

Of course, this is one damn good reason why it's a bad idea to discuss names with anyone before the baby arrives. Present it as a fait accompli and there's little they can do.

[Blu]

People, people: DO NOT DISCUSS NAMES WITH ANYONE, REPEAT ANYOJNE, BEFORE THE BIRTH.

It causes more irritation and angst than anything else. Just say 'you'll have to wait and see' and change the subject. And make your own decision. Once a babyis born, the baby attracts the focus rather than all this awful territorial fussing.

For this MIL, just get DH to say 'I know you have been thinking about it, but we are naming our child. Sorry if you are upset but this is now, this is our child, and that's the end of it'.

[pictish]

YANBU!!

In fact YABU, but only because you've given this the time of day.

Your kid, your choice.

[Andrewofgg]

No is a complete sentence, but so is We will choose the name and tell you when we have chosen - and it admits of no answer and is polite as well.