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AIBU?

to not want mil to choose new babys name

82 replies

biddysmama · 25/08/2011 10:42

baby is due in january, mil likes the name tilly, i dont... apparently shes always loved the name tilly and only had one girl which she named after her mother.... we considered tilly for ds2 when i was pg but hes a boy so obviously doesnt work, this is the last grandchild (2 of dhs siblings are infertile, other 2 are much older) so sil and mil are going on and on about calling it tilly bullying /.guilting dh... i dont like the name and have a name we do like

aibu to not want to?

OP posts:

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PercyFilth · 25/08/2011 13:07

I don't understand what the problem is here. Other people can not name a child unless the parents allow them to.

Unless you are worried that your husband might give in to them? Is that it?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 25/08/2011 13:37

'Apparently shes always loved the name tilly and only had one girl which she named after her mother'

She had her chance. This child isn't hers to name.

blackeyedsusan · 25/08/2011 13:44

Oh my goodness. another dh not telling his parents to pull their head in. (just read another thread)

yanbu.

MissVerinder · 25/08/2011 13:46

Oh my. I had this with Sophie. I didn't call DD Sophie so SIL gave it to the rabbit.
I like Sophie and it was still annoying!

Secrecy · 25/08/2011 14:48

But this is YOUR baby!! YANBU, of course!!

Scaredycat3000 · 25/08/2011 15:26

My MIL kept trying to get us to discuss our name choices with her, we just didn't enter into the conversation so she would carry on anyway. After many discussions that she had with herself she finally said our favoured name and insulted it. We then refused to tell her his name until she visited, 3 hours away When she arrived we where still discussing his second middle name that DP thought he should have and she started dropping hints how it was Great-great- uncle twice removed birthday around this time, who I'd never met and never heard of before. DS only has one middle name.
It's not as easy as just don't discuss it with anybody.
YANBU.

CBear6 · 25/08/2011 16:42

In-laws and baby names, there's a winning combination! I remember SIL buying us a baby name book when I was pregnant with DS, but didn't know he was a DS, and she didn't like the girl name we'd picked "because no niece of mine is being called xxxxxxx". Then when we found out DS was a DS other SIL took the huff because she had "dibs" on that name (secret dibs that she had never mentioned up until that point). FIL dislikes the name we've chosen this time and was always referring to the baby by his chosen name, thankfully a well timed "shut the fuck up" (afterwards blamed on hormones/tiredness) put paid to that.

This is your baby, you and your DH decide the name and no one else.

YouDoTheMath · 25/08/2011 16:55

Genuine question - why do other people think they have a say in a baby's name when they're not the parents?

Agree with what Blu said.

bakeyouhappy · 25/08/2011 16:59

When I was pregnant my mil emailed me 'new baby should be named after my father. Its a good name, a strong name etc.' She copied the whole family. By the time I got the email I had the whole family replying. 'Great name' 'ooh good idea' 'I love it'
And then me 'er no, his name is x'

Blatherskite · 25/08/2011 17:02

My MIL went to the extreme of trying to talk DH out of the Vasectomy he wanted and into another child so that we could have a girl and name her Daisy!

Apparently, FIL had never expressed a preferece for names when his own two daughters were born or when the previous 3 granddaughters arrived but after I had DD, he decided he liked Daisy and someone had to provide him with one!

We didn't want another child, couldn't guarantee a girl and even if we did/could I wouldn't have named her Daisy so we declined!

Stick to your guns OP. She had her choice to name her own children. It's your turn now. Tell her you know a dog called Tilly - my sister has one.

LillianGish · 25/08/2011 17:09

And make sure you don't choose any name that can conceivably be shortened to Tilly.

EldritchCleavage · 25/08/2011 17:22

My sister made the mistake of discussing name choices with my mother when she was having her first child. One name in particualr sent my mother into complete (and very rude) meltdown. This despite the fact my mother has never persuaded or browbeaten my sister into doing anything ever ever ever since birth, so it was all completely pointless.

Cue Eldritch's second pregnancy, what does mother suggest as a boy's name option? Yup, the very name she stropped about all those years ago. She knows we have no intention of discussing names with her-she'll only find out what mini-Cleavage is called when my husband rings to say I've had the baby. And she will be expected to swallow down hard on any dislike or disapproval.

OP I agree you should give your MIL a firm 'No' now. There will probably be less fall-out that way than if you stay non-commmittal but then don't use the name.

MollyMurphy · 25/08/2011 17:27

Tell them to piss off end of. Of course you shouldn't pick a name you don't like - its none of their business. You know that of course you are not being unreasonable.

Fluter · 25/08/2011 17:36

I'm constantly flummoxed by the way a lot of posters' families seem to think they have the right to tell the parents what to call THEIR child. Not one of my or DH's family (or any of our friends) would have the bare-arsed cheek to do it - much less present us with lists of what is 'acceptable' or 'not acceptable'.

Even if we were considering Moonbeam Peaches Fifi and Zorro Humperdink Featherstonehaugh for DT1 and DT2, it's still our choice.... (we're not, BTW )

Quite honestly, anyone who tried would be met with a polite: "get lost, it's our choice - you want a child named that, you go have one or get a dog and call it that". Any further attempts and they'd get a less polite version. I think the "we're not discussing it" / "we'll wait and see what the baby looks like before deciding" approach is probably best.

NorfolkBroad · 25/08/2011 17:38

YANBU! She had her chance with her own daughter and chose a different name. Use your choice.

MissMap · 25/08/2011 17:40

I wanted to call our first DD Matilda, Tilly for short when I mooted the idea with my MiL she said " Oh no, I Had a dog named Tilly when I was a gal and she always had fleas in her ears."
We had to have a rethink.

kelly2000 · 25/08/2011 17:41

So she could have called her child Tilly, but chose not to, so therefore she gets to name your child. next time they mention it, just say you will not be calling her tilly as you do not like the name, then ignore them. Make it clear to DH you are not calling her tilly either.

jumpingjackhash · 25/08/2011 17:42

My friend had a cat called Tilly - can't get beyond that image now!

Seriously though, don't even let them think they have a hope of naming your DD - get in there with 'but I don't like that name for my daughter' at the next opportunity! Dare you ask why MIL didn't name SIL Tilly (or will that open a whole can of worms)?

Otherwise, I do like the hamster idea!

MrsKwazii · 25/08/2011 17:53

Blathers - am but not surprised at your MIL.

OP - agree with everyone else here. You and DH's choice and yours alone. If you don't like confrontation just smile and nod and choose your own babies name like all normal people do.

We didn't tell anyone the names of either of our DDs until they were born. We wanted to make sure that the name suited them IYKWIM. And I didn't want anyone's opinion or face-pulling about them. None of their business plus I can be a contrary old cow when I'm hormonal

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/08/2011 18:16

"so sil and mil are going on and on about calling it tilly bullying /.guilting dh"

So they have a go at DH, not you biddysmama? Pity, because a huge pretend hormonal meltdown could seriously guilt-trip them right back. Or maybe phone them up and do a very loud telephone meltdown to the both of them? I would not hesitate to make them feel bad for bullying DH.

Blatherskite · 25/08/2011 18:23

Mrs Kwazii. You've listened to my tales of woe before obviously

reelingintheyears · 25/08/2011 19:17

Choosing names is one of the best things about having your own baby...

She's had her turn and now it's yours.

Tell her to wind her neck in.

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ShoutyHamster · 25/08/2011 20:29

Print out the deed poll forms and have them ready to hand to your SIL the next time the pair of them start going on about it.

'Oh what are these biddysmama'

'They're the only way you're going to get a female descendant called Tilly, MIL'

Fluter · 26/08/2011 12:21

Or alternatively, hand the deed poll forms to her, and say, "you like the name so much, change yours to it." And spend the rest of the day calling her Tilly....

BeStillMyBeatingFart · 26/08/2011 12:45

Nah, get a hamster.

Kills two birds (possibly three) with one stone.

a) name will be used with the possibility of winding MiL up

b) you'll have a HAMSTER!! Yay!

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