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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be worried about my SIL 's baby?

108 replies

inspireme · 24/08/2011 21:49

Myself and SIL both had babies a few days apart,who were the same weight,they are now 7 weeks. SIL and MIL seem obsessed with giving her baby and consequently my baby water.

I was bf-ing up until a few wks ago and her baby has been formula fed from the start.

They ask me every time I see them do I give my baby water and each time I reply saying babies don't need water unless its really hot outside as they may be more thirsty, as mw and doc have told me. MIL has told me she has given my baby water on the 2 occasions she has kept him- even though is wasn't warm and she knows i dont do it.

Every time I see SIL she is either giving the baby water (3-4 oz) or telling me she gave her water as she was crying but isn't due her feed yet. She says her baby goes 4-5 hours between feeds but she gives her water between them to hold her out.

This would not bother me as much only her baby is a hell of a lot lighter than my baby who I have been told probably should be a bit heavier. I lifted her the other day and was really shocked as how light she was, didnt feel much heavier than our baby's birth weight at 7lb 2oz, my baby is 10lb 3oz now. Her baby is also doing 4 or 5 dirty nappies a day, and SIL is saying she has diahorrea because she is teething, im thinking it may be the water.

The health visitor has not been to see her since week one for some reason so her baby hasn't been weighed since then.

So AIBU to be worried about her babys weight and possible lack of nutrition, and frequent dirty nappies or is this normal?

We are both first time mums so neither of us are experts I'm sure, so would appreciate some views from mums.

OP posts:

Feminine · 24/08/2011 21:51

Breastfeeding babies (unless medically advised) do not need water as the first part of the milk is like a drink.

F fed , do need water in hot weather.

prettyfly1 · 24/08/2011 21:52

well a seven week old is very unlikely to be teething (not impossible but rare) so perhaps a gentle suggestion she visits the health visitor for a weigh in and that is as much as you can do. Stamp your feet loudly about the water for yours though.

Feminine · 24/08/2011 21:53

I would also wonder TBH :)

Its hard though,you don't want to offend do you?

Hassled · 24/08/2011 21:53

I think you're right to be worried but as to what you can actually do about it - probably nothing without causing huge offence. Just keep pushing the whole need to get weighed thing as much as you can, as often as you can. Do you live close enough that you could make a trip to the baby-weighing place into an outing you could do together?

Bit weird re the HV not visiting, though, don't you think?

Iggly · 24/08/2011 21:54

I'd be worried about the spreading out of feeds, 4-5 hours? Weight gain is a tough one - every baby is different.

Do you have a drop in clinic near you? Can you both go together one day as " something to do"? Babies get weighed and HV can comment if need be.

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 24/08/2011 21:55

Number of dirty nappies is normal my DS produced more than that as a newborn but he was BF
AFAIK bottle fed babies do need water as formula can constipate them. However I do think SIL is giving too much water not enough formula, does the baby still cry after the water or does she seem satisfied?

Rowena8482 · 24/08/2011 21:56

It is just water and not sugar water isn't it? When I had pfb (he's 21 soon) a Midwife actually told me to give him "a bottle of water with a nice spoon of sugar" in it, when he was constipated. He was bottle fed. Not knowing any better, I did and whooooooo did it ever cure the constipation!
The diarrhea thing just made me wonder - how old is your MiL? could she be of "the generation" when this was common and be advising SiL to do it, and they just haven't mentioned the S word to you?

Summerbird73 · 24/08/2011 21:59

Did she not have a 6 week check? We had a HV one and a GP one at 6 weeks.

Also i wouldnt worry too much about the water, it isnt doing the babbas any harm (as long as it is cooled boiled water in a sterilised bottle that is) you are lucky, my DS wouldnt take water and he was FFd from 3weeks old in the summer, i was frantic because he wasnt taking water! Looking back it wasnt a problem as he was thriving and didnt seem too bothered.

I want to tentatively say that at 7 weeks you are both still post natal, try not to worry, i am sure her baby is fine, most newborns lose a little weight after birth and take a little longer to regain.

Original poster

inspireme · 24/08/2011 22:00

Thanks for the quick replies, there's not really anywhere to drop in and get babies weighed and she would never go anyway even if there was.

I just feel so sorry for her wee baby when i hold her, all i can imagine is her not growing properly cause she's getting water when she should be getting milk.

baby seems satisfied but i don't know what she's like at her actual feeding time then.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 24/08/2011 22:04

I would suggest a coffee out and lets go get the little ones weighed at same time :)
Both mine were bf so dont know about the water of ff babies. Maybe shes going for routine baby, but guess your more of a baby led woman. each to their own.

kittyk1 · 24/08/2011 22:07

I would just concentrate onyour own baby and let her concentrate on hers. It is brilliant that you are BF and fine that she is FF and also fine that she is giving some water in this hot weather. Babies differ massively in weight gain and by the time they are 5 you'll not notice any difference so don't compare hers to yours. I'm sure she isn't stupid and is monitoring her own baby's weight. Am surprised there is nowhere near by to have your babies weighed though. - ask at your doctors.

Iggly · 24/08/2011 22:07

Can you ask how much she weighs? I remember that being a key topic of conversation when DS was a newborn. Then express surprise at not being weighed (if that's the case). With regards to 4-5 hourly feeding, I'd mention it seeming a bit out of date with current advice (but then again I'm not bothered about offending anyone)

snippywoo2 · 24/08/2011 22:19

I wouldn't have thought water was causing the runs its more likely to be the FF that's causing it (hence no real weight gain) and may need to be changed to a different one also its normal to give water between formula feeds. When I had my twins I bf for 4 months then put them on FF because I was so ill. The end result was one had chronic constipation and the other chronic diarrhea both with blood in their stools and weight loss. Ironically the HV told me to persevere, I ignored her and changed to another brand all problems stopped and the change was amazing. Maybe you could suggest your sil does this.

thisisyesterday · 24/08/2011 22:24

breastfed babies tend to gain quicker in the first few weeks than formula fed babies do

her baby's weight may have nothing whatsoever to do with how she feeds it

personally i don't think what she is doing is particularly clever, but I also doubt that the baby is really going hungry, or that it has diahorrea because of having water. some babies do just poo a lot

it's a hard thing to say anything about isn't it

wigglesrock · 24/08/2011 22:26

I ffed my daughers and they would have done about about 4 dirty nappies a day at that age. Do you get on well?, if you do I would mention getting the babies weighed, if you don't I wouldn't.

Sofabitch · 24/08/2011 22:28

I though since the reduced the calories in formula milk to be more Like breast milk you were meant to feed on demand? Or was that just a wild rumor? I would go (and have ) mental at mil for feeding your baby water against your wishes though.

magicmelons · 24/08/2011 22:29

I wouldn't worry about weight, all babies are different i'd worry about whether she seemed content or not, 7 week old babies have runny nappies too its normal. Why are you so worried about her baby? A hungry baby cries alot, my bf dd went 4-5 hours between feeds.

MmeLindor. · 24/08/2011 22:30

Comparing your baby with her's is no use, as babies develop differently.

The diarrhoea would worry me though, as a 7 week old baby is not going to be teething.

Can you speak to your SIL or would she be offended?

MmeLindor. · 24/08/2011 22:32

When you say "diarrhoea" - have you seen one of your niece's nappies?

magicmelons · 24/08/2011 22:32

also boys tend to be chunkier than girls, more solid so you can't compare my dd was a delicate little thing compared to large headed solid ds.

kittyk1 · 24/08/2011 22:34

Is it actually diarrhoea or just runny? Babies poo shouldn't be solid at 7 weeks

Original poster

inspireme · 24/08/2011 22:42

The reason why im worried is that SIL isn't be very mature (she's 35) she went to hospital with 1 baby grow and no blanket etc, and only i was in hospital with her she would have had very little.

She doesn't listen to advice and does silly things like putting baby on her side to sleep even though she has been told not to.

She doesn't have alot of common sense so I'm sorried she's being silly, I try to talk to her about things but she turns every thing into competition so I can't have a sensibe conversation with her as she just agrees with everything I say even though I know she's doing otherwise.

MIL hasn't much sense either as she is the only person SIL listens to and she fills her head full of crap!!

OP posts:

Mspontipine · 24/08/2011 22:43

I ff and very rarely offered water - only when very hot. Milk (f) was ds's only drink.

Original poster

inspireme · 24/08/2011 22:45

She calls it diahorrea, I asked her how is it diahorrea as babies poo is runny, she said she's doing loads of dirty nappies all of a sudden.

No point in askin how much she weighs as she wouldn't know, she hasn't been weighed since she was a wk old, but I can't understand why mw or hv hasn't been to see her.

OP posts:

MmeLindor. · 24/08/2011 22:46

inspireme
Does your SIL have a partner/DH? What about the baby's father - is he on the scene? Could you have a word with him?

Otherwise, you could perhaps have a chat with your HV and ask her advice. Do you share a HV with SIL?

I ff and did not give my babies much water, and they were born in Germany where the temperature was often over 30°C - only when it was very hot.

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