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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about my SIL 's baby?

108 replies

inspireme · 24/08/2011 21:49

Myself and SIL both had babies a few days apart,who were the same weight,they are now 7 weeks. SIL and MIL seem obsessed with giving her baby and consequently my baby water.

I was bf-ing up until a few wks ago and her baby has been formula fed from the start.

They ask me every time I see them do I give my baby water and each time I reply saying babies don't need water unless its really hot outside as they may be more thirsty, as mw and doc have told me. MIL has told me she has given my baby water on the 2 occasions she has kept him- even though is wasn't warm and she knows i dont do it.

Every time I see SIL she is either giving the baby water (3-4 oz) or telling me she gave her water as she was crying but isn't due her feed yet. She says her baby goes 4-5 hours between feeds but she gives her water between them to hold her out.

This would not bother me as much only her baby is a hell of a lot lighter than my baby who I have been told probably should be a bit heavier. I lifted her the other day and was really shocked as how light she was, didnt feel much heavier than our baby's birth weight at 7lb 2oz, my baby is 10lb 3oz now. Her baby is also doing 4 or 5 dirty nappies a day, and SIL is saying she has diahorrea because she is teething, im thinking it may be the water.

The health visitor has not been to see her since week one for some reason so her baby hasn't been weighed since then.

So AIBU to be worried about her babys weight and possible lack of nutrition, and frequent dirty nappies or is this normal?

We are both first time mums so neither of us are experts I'm sure, so would appreciate some views from mums.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 25/08/2011 00:09

You also said you were not an expert and asking for views - well, you've got some!

I do believe I advised my DD to try to give her DSs water if they were cranky and had been fed - because they could have been thirsty. I guess that makes me a worrying excuse for a grandparent.
I also advised MY SIL to ignore the HVs obsession with my DNs weight as she didn't put weight on excpet very slowly but was exceptionally active, clearly thriving, getting "taller" and fit as a flea.

Salmotrutta · 25/08/2011 00:10

except

snippywoo2 · 25/08/2011 00:11

rita ff babies are fed water between feeds otherwise they get fat breast fed babies get water via bf

TheSecondComing · 25/08/2011 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 25/08/2011 00:13

Rita - the OP actually doesn't know exactly how much water her SIL is giving though apparently. It may just be one 3-4oz drink per day.
I used to give mine similar amounts (and there was a baby Milupa drink at that time too) - amazingly they survived Hmm

..... and one was BF, the other FF.

MoominsAreScary · 25/08/2011 00:16

Ff babies poo less than bf babies and are more likely to be constipated, neither ff or bf babies need water until you start weening unless your doctor says other wise.

Even so I doubt water will harm the baby years ago we were advised to give water pretty much from birth , I'd be worried that she gives ithe baby water instead of milk though just because she thinks feeding should be every 4-5 hours, sometimes mine would only go two hours at that age

Not realy alot you can do though. I would have words with your mil though about giving your baby water when you have told her not too

snippywoo2 · 25/08/2011 00:18

babies like the rest of us get thirsty bf allows for this and provides for this via the milk. FF does not and has to be given as an extra. If you give FF when your baby is thirsty you will end up with a fat baby, therefore water in between feeds is a must surely.

Original poster
inspireme · 25/08/2011 00:21

Every time i have been in her company she is either giving the baby water or has said she has just got water, yes it may just be a coincidence but I've never seen her getting actual milk in 7 wks and I see her alot.

secondcoming what makes you think im not concentrating on my own baby- it's not like we're in a bubble and can't see whats going on in the world around us, just because I'm worried about her baby doesn't mean im neglecting mine!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 25/08/2011 00:25

Is the baby otherwise contented? Is she responding and alert? Is her colour good? Does she cry a lot?

MmeLindor. · 25/08/2011 00:26

Snippy
That is rubbish. Babies don't need eater unless it is very hot.

My dc were born in Germany. They only had excess fluid on extremely hot days (over 30 degrees)

They did not get fat

Salmotrutta · 25/08/2011 00:27

Actually the colour thing isn't necessarily an indicator if she is generally fair skinned but babies that aren't "thriving" have a sort of "pasty" look to them IFSWIM.

MmeLindor. · 25/08/2011 00:28

And I am not quite sure why the op is getting told that she should concentrate on her own baby.

She has noticed something that goes against current advice and is asking about it cause she is worried about her niece.

Sure, things have changed in the past years and guidelines are altered but current advice is not to give water.

Marrow · 25/08/2011 00:29

I agree with RitaMorgan. FF babies do not need extra water and should be fed on demand. They will not get fat. It's only when they go onto solids that they will need water. Too much water in a young baby can cause water intoxication.

Salmotrutta · 25/08/2011 00:31

I think what snippy is saying that if you give your baby formula when it is thirsty and not hungry you will be overfeeding and hence too much weight gain.

That is something you have to consider with formula - it's very easy to "encourage" a baby to finish the bottle, even when they don't really want or need it. Or at least that was the advice years ago.

MoominsAreScary · 25/08/2011 00:31

Snippy what planet are you on? Ff babies do not need extra water (who) what do you think ff is made of? and they probably want to feed more than every four hours because they are hungry not thirsty and at risk of becoming fat

snippywoo2 · 25/08/2011 00:31

ffs you need to get a grip and get over it

If you feel her baby is lethargic, unwell and not gaining weight IE not being looked after properly then contact her HV and express your concerns and they will organise a visit.

your not concentrating on your own baby your on here spouting shit about your sils baby

MmeLindor. · 25/08/2011 00:33

Snippy
Is there any reason for you to be so aggressive? The op is concerned about the baby. You are giving bogus advice and being very rude.

TheSecondComing · 25/08/2011 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominsAreScary · 25/08/2011 00:40

Mme I think snippy is getting aggressive because she's giving bogus advice and is being told that she is

MmeLindor. · 25/08/2011 00:41

TSC
I am not reading it like that.

To me, op has a 7 week PFB and has been told not to give water.

SIL is giving water with the intention of delaying feed.

Don't know about you, but when my first child was 7 weeks old, I was careful to do everything 'by the book' and paid attention to current guidelines

Op is concerned that her SIL is not doing this and may not be feeding her baby enough milk.

snippywoo2 · 25/08/2011 00:48

MoominsAreScary ff is food, its formula feed. It is to feed your baby ie give it the vitamins and minerals and calories it needs to grow it is not intended to replace all liquids ie fluids, water. If you feed your baby nothing but formula it will end up very fat. A baby not only cries because it is hungry it also cries because it is thirsty, all humans need water. Breast milk provides food and water, formula provides food when giving ff it advises to give boiled water as well between feeds.

TheSecondComing · 25/08/2011 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snippywoo2 · 25/08/2011 00:55

If you feel her baby is lethargic, unwell and not gaining weight IE not being looked after properly then contact her HV and express your concerns and they will organise a visit.

If this is giving bogus advice and being aggressive then so be it.

Salmotrutta · 25/08/2011 00:56

I agree The SecondComing - the OP is sort of extrapolating I think.

MmeLindor. · 25/08/2011 00:57

It didn't take me long to fling the book out of the window and start to trust my own instincts Wink

But the OP's baby is just 7 weeks

Snippy
My babies were almost exclusively ff. No water. They were not fat. How ridiculous.

There is a reason that ff companies emphasise that bottles should be made up exactly as instructed on the pack - the ratio of powder to water is calculated to both feed hunger and thirst.

Of course you may offer a little water on a hot day but it is by no means absolutely necessary.