to be worried about my SIL 's baby?

[inspireme]

Myself and SIL both had babies a few days apart,who were the same weight,they are now 7 weeks. SIL and MIL seem obsessed with giving her baby and consequently my baby water.

I was bf-ing up until a few wks ago and her baby has been formula fed from the start.

They ask me every time I see them do I give my baby water and each time I reply saying babies don't need water unless its really hot outside as they may be more thirsty, as mw and doc have told me. MIL has told me she has given my baby water on the 2 occasions she has kept him- even though is wasn't warm and she knows i dont do it.

Every time I see SIL she is either giving the baby water (3-4 oz) or telling me she gave her water as she was crying but isn't due her feed yet. She says her baby goes 4-5 hours between feeds but she gives her water between them to hold her out.

This would not bother me as much only her baby is a hell of a lot lighter than my baby who I have been told probably should be a bit heavier. I lifted her the other day and was really shocked as how light she was, didnt feel much heavier than our baby's birth weight at 7lb 2oz, my baby is 10lb 3oz now. Her baby is also doing 4 or 5 dirty nappies a day, and SIL is saying she has diahorrea because she is teething, im thinking it may be the water.

The health visitor has not been to see her since week one for some reason so her baby hasn't been weighed since then.

So AIBU to be worried about her babys weight and possible lack of nutrition, and frequent dirty nappies or is this normal?

We are both first time mums so neither of us are experts I'm sure, so would appreciate some views from mums.

yeah she has a DH but I can never get him on his own, he works long shifts so isn't about much.

my DH (her brother) has tried dropping hints too but to no avail.

We don't share a HV otherwise I would ask had she been to see her. My HV has told me that the only time they need water is in hot weather and it's def not hot atm.

I know there's nothing I can really do but just wanted to canvas opinions as to whether giving a baby water so frequently is normal. Hopefully she will get weighed soon though, but I have a feeling she would lie when asked questions if the HV had any concerns. She tends to give people the answer she thinks they want to hear iykwim.

Look, I know you mean well and are obviously worried your niece, but you are basing all your info on assumptions and very little else. You don't know the weight of her baby, you think she's immature, you are obviously not a huge fan of her mother, you haven't seen any of the nappies and by the way I'd like to think that you wouldn't be asking questions of a health visitor regarding another babys care whether or not you are related.

Giving water will do no harm at all, if she is screaming and she is refusing to give her milk because she isn't due a feed that is different.

FF babies do tend to poo more than BF ones.

Even FF babies don't need that much water. Making a 7 week old baby wait 4-5 hours between feeds is not appropriate. Babies should be fed on demand and trying to stretch it out between feeds by giving water is not acceptable.

Babies will differ in their growth regardless of their birth weights so you should stop comparing them.

HVs rarely do home visits routinely, and will have drop in clinics for baby weighing. What area are you? It's unusual to have no baby clinics to visit.

The only practical thing I can advice at this stage is to back off and butt out.

What you arer saying regarding her lack of common sense may well be true, but by getting involved at this early stage you are setting yourself up for hassle in the future.

You worry about your baby and let her worry about hers ok?

Try not to interfere unless she seems receptive to advice. However, if she is worried about her baby, why isn't she taking her to the doctor?

magicmelons this is exacly what she is doing if it's half an hour before she is 'due' her feed she gets water instead, if my baby cries half an hour before he's due he gets a feed then, as he is obviously hungry.

HV has been to me 4 times and her once, don't know why.

wigglesrock yes we are not best friends and yes she is immature - all the more reason why I should be worried, and no I don't know the actual weight of her baby but I know by holding her she's considerably lighter than my baby.

just because we are not the best of friends it doesn't mean I'm out to make her feel like a bad mother, i was just trying to show that she has been known to do alot of silly things so that makes me more worried.

I was simply asking advice as to whether its normal for a baby to get a few bottles of water a day, as I had never really come across this anywhere before.

Giving her water to make her go longer between feeds is daft.

Maybe the health visitor is more concerned about you than her, sorry that sounds blunt i don't mean it to be. It is unusual to have home visits from HV, perhaps you are being a little oversensitive and anxious? Lots of people parent in the way your SIl is, its not necessarily the right way but i wouldn't be too concerned, its nothing to feel so emotional about if the baby is reasonably happy.

Perhaps you are misplacing your anxieties a little to avoid what is really going on with you?

Should have known better than to say anything personal about SIL- typical mumsnet as soon as you say anything like this the advice suddenly changes and people think I'm attacking her. it's not that I don't like her she is just immature and 'silly' sometimes and this just makes me a little more worried.

I'm simply worried about her baby who seems to be getting an excessive amount of water.

I bf to about 3 weeks and have ff since, and my LO usually takes about 4/5 ounces, sometimes 3 hours, sometimes 4 and sometimes 2.5 hours, or whenever he needs it really.

Your sil has your mils support and she brought up your dh and hes fine. Babies gain weight at different rates. I would advise you to concentrate on your own baby instead of worrying yourself about hers. If you feel her baby is lethargic, unwell and not gaining weight IE not being looked after properly then contact her HV and express your concerns and they will organise a visit. Otherwise keep your nose out, it will only cause a rift in the family and I'm sure you don't want that.

i would say stop comparing the 2 babies.

yanbu to be worried

magicmelons our HV's come from different areas, all the visits i have had have been exactly the same as what my friends have had from the same HV. Her HV doesn't do the same visits for some reason.

I don't care for your comment 'what is really going on with you?' it's a bit presumptious to assume that i have some kind of issue, just because i'm worried about her baby don't you think.

I think im doing just fine and dandy, and my LO is sleeping and feeding great, but thank you very much for your concern!

The advice has changed nowadays it seems. When mine were babies (back in the 80s) we were told that BF and FF babies could get thirsty and to give boiled, cooled water if necessary.
You don't really know how many water bottles she is giving per day though do you?
You say every time you see her she is either giving one or has given one - but it might only be one a day.
I can't comment on HVs visits other than to say what it was back in my day. They came to see you and baby for about 10 days then you went to clinic to get the baby weighed etc. if you wanted. Other than that it was milestone type checks.
From what I can gather from DD it has been similar with the granchildren?

I just think your worry is misplaced, water sleeping on side etc they are all personal choices, fashionable at different times, if she is taking advice from MIL then this makes sense IYSWIM as this was fashionable then, its not child abuse and it won't necessarily do much harm. My comments came accross as harsh I know but i think its a bit of a storm in a teacup with regards to the other baby.

You have said yourself the baby seems happy. I didn't bother having my ds weighed after having a particularly traumatic time over weight and HV with dd who advised me to start formula feeds because she said she was underweight, she wasn't was just a porker at birth who is a very petite child.

Oh yes, I forgot - both of mine were placed on their sides. They were projectile vomiters and I worried about choking.

Ds1 would do 5 dirty nappies a day at that age, ds2 one a day and dd varies, she has been doing 2 at least 2 very runny poos a day (the type that are up the back and down the leg), but this week has been going every other day. All were formula fed as they didn't want breast! I rarely offer water, only when I feel it really necessary, as in very hot or soon after taking a feed and so not hungry. Incidentally, all 3 of mine have gained weight differently, ds1 would gain up to half a pound a week in the early days, ds2 more than that, dd has been known to gain as little as 5ozs in 2 weeks.

I would perhaps do as others have suggested and suggest a joint trip to the clinic to get them weighed.

If you feel her baby is lethargic, unwell and not gaining weight IE not being looked after properly then contact her HV and express your concerns and they will organise a visit.

Just do what I said. Your a concerned parent having a child the same age, and this will set your mind at rest and enable you to concentrate on your own child and not worry about your niece. Congratulations on the birth of your child by the way

Just interesting to see how the advice changed after I said she can be immature and silly, we are not the best of friends (not enemies either might I add) but I think I can be objective when it comes to a baby's health.

But obviously my worry is misplaced and I should be worrying about my own baby!!

I think giving a hungry 7 week old water instead of milk is stupid too - not sure what you can do beyond suggesting she gets her weighed though. Too much water is very harmful for small babies though.