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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about my SIL 's baby?

108 replies

inspireme · 24/08/2011 21:49

Myself and SIL both had babies a few days apart,who were the same weight,they are now 7 weeks. SIL and MIL seem obsessed with giving her baby and consequently my baby water.

I was bf-ing up until a few wks ago and her baby has been formula fed from the start.

They ask me every time I see them do I give my baby water and each time I reply saying babies don't need water unless its really hot outside as they may be more thirsty, as mw and doc have told me. MIL has told me she has given my baby water on the 2 occasions she has kept him- even though is wasn't warm and she knows i dont do it.

Every time I see SIL she is either giving the baby water (3-4 oz) or telling me she gave her water as she was crying but isn't due her feed yet. She says her baby goes 4-5 hours between feeds but she gives her water between them to hold her out.

This would not bother me as much only her baby is a hell of a lot lighter than my baby who I have been told probably should be a bit heavier. I lifted her the other day and was really shocked as how light she was, didnt feel much heavier than our baby's birth weight at 7lb 2oz, my baby is 10lb 3oz now. Her baby is also doing 4 or 5 dirty nappies a day, and SIL is saying she has diahorrea because she is teething, im thinking it may be the water.

The health visitor has not been to see her since week one for some reason so her baby hasn't been weighed since then.

So AIBU to be worried about her babys weight and possible lack of nutrition, and frequent dirty nappies or is this normal?

We are both first time mums so neither of us are experts I'm sure, so would appreciate some views from mums.

OP posts:
MoominsAreScary · 25/08/2011 00:58

So you think the formula cancels out the water it is made in ? Like I said what planet are you on

So hv, ,gp, neonatal nurse, paediatric doctor, mw, world health organisation who all said not to give extra water until weaning are all wrong and you are right? I don't think so!

My baby is 6 months old and isn't fat at all, neither are my 16 year old and 8 year old. None of them had water until they were weaned, not all babies wait 4 hours to feed, does this mean that a bf baby who feeds every two hours will also get fat? After all they arnt having water on it's own their having it in a feed

Feminine · 25/08/2011 01:04

MmeLindor that is the first time I have ever heard that correctly prepared formula is calculated to provide for both hunger and thirst! :

Interesting...

MoominsAreScary · 25/08/2011 01:08

If you put too much formula in it can cause dehydration, if you put to much water in it can cause water intoxication

Feminine · 25/08/2011 01:11

Well,you live and learn.

What you just explained Moomin I knew ...just never made the connection!

Good job I BF ,I think I would have loused up everything Grin

MoominsAreScary · 25/08/2011 01:14

I think if you bf you don't tend to read up or ask advice on formula because you realy don't need to

My last ds was prem and in neonatal so when I stopped ebf after a few weeks we were given alot of information on formula

Feminine · 25/08/2011 01:20

True ,moomin

Thanks for that :)

differentnameforthis · 25/08/2011 04:19

OP, if you are as worried as you claim to be & she isn't listening, then you know what you need to do.

differentnameforthis · 25/08/2011 06:24

ff babies are fed water between feeds otherwise they get fat

Bullshit. MY dd1 was fed on every 2 hours with a high calorie formula, due to being 4lb at birth. She was never fat & at 8, still is not. This myth that you can force feed babies formula is just that, a myth!! Dd1 never took more than she wanted!

I don't think it is helpful snippy for you to be saying this, because it isn't fact.

UndercoverWorker · 25/08/2011 06:49

For utter fucksake, is someone really advocating giving water to 7 week old babies to stop them getting fat? Just when I thought levels of stupidity on here couldn't get any lower... Hmm

Tiny babies do not need 3-4oz water in bog standard weather, especially not half an hour before a feed. I would be concerned too. Not much you can do about it though.

microserf · 25/08/2011 06:57

snippywoo, you are completely wrong

i agree with undercoverworker, your posts are ridiculous.

OP, your SIL does in fact sound pretty clueless. I would also be concerned. Not much you can do if she won't listen though.

MrsCampbellBlack · 25/08/2011 07:04

Mmelindor is quite right.

And lordy - there are some mean comments on here.

Sofabitch · 25/08/2011 07:06

You are right to be worried This is taken from baby centre

Giving your newborn water, puts her at risk for water intoxication. According to Dr. Daniels, too much water can cause water intoxication which can cause seizures or a coma. Water intoxication occurs when the blood becomes diluted and the electrolyte level goes out of balance.

Nutrition
Providing your newborn with water can impact his appetite. A newborn has a small stomach and filling it with water can decrease the amount of formula or breast milk he eats. Dr. Daniels also points out that water can lessen your baby's ability to absorb nutrients from his food.

Glade Curtis and Judith Schuler, authors of "Your Baby's First Year: Week by Week," remind parents that mixing infant formula according to the directions is important. Diluting it with water decreases the nutritional value and can put your baby at risk for water intoxication.
Considerations
As a parent of a newborn, you may be concerned about your baby's hydration during hot weather or if she is ill. In hot weather, Curtis and Schuler recommend increasing the amount of breast milk or formula that you give to your baby.

Time Frame
Glade and Schuler recommend holding off on offering water to your baby until he begins solid foods. They suggest 1 to 4 oz. each day, but checking with your baby's doctor for their personalized recommendation is an optimal approach.

At 1 year, Dr. Daniels states it is acceptable to allow your baby as much water as he would like. By this time, your baby is eating solid foods and starting whole milk.

fivegomadindorset · 25/08/2011 07:14

Snippy that is total bollocks.

foreverondiet · 25/08/2011 07:23

I think just suggest you go to get babies weighed together, work out where is the best place to go. With a first baby at that ages should be going every 2-3 weeks.

Ok for formula fed babies to have water but shouldn't go more than 4 hours between feeds. But IMO spacing out day feeds would lead to night feeds.... should say on the box of formula how many oz of formula in 24 hour period - maybe you can ask if she is drinking that?

But yes babies grow at very different rates, boys quicker than girls.

MmeLindor. · 25/08/2011 07:27

Feminine
I read up a lot on formula and how to make it up safely after DS contracted salmonella poisoning.

Mooming explained it very well.

Gincognito · 25/08/2011 07:28

Why the bloody hell is this not in the feeding section?

OP, you need to understand that the default reaction of most in AIBU is that YABU. The subject is entirely irrelevant.

MmeLindor. · 25/08/2011 07:29

Moomin, sorry. Misspelled your name.

MrsGravy · 25/08/2011 07:49

I don't think yabu actually. The 3 issues you mention, when taken together, are worrying - poor weight gain, giving the baby water and poor care from hv. One of these issues alone wouldn't worry me too much but taken together they are a bit alarming. I would try and get her to see her hv but come at it from the angle of 'i think it's terrible no hv has come to see you, i'd make a bit of a fuss if I were you' rather than trying to persuade her that there may be an issue with the baby's weight/feeding. I would also seek advice from your own hv - without giving your sil's name. Just see what she thinks about it.

jester68 · 25/08/2011 09:28

Both my daughters have been ff. My eldest would feed every 3-4 hours in the day at 6 weeks old. Then sleep from 10pm- 6am. She put weight on but small amounts. She was healthy but petite. Even now aged 5 and a half she can still wear clothes for 3-4years waist wise, but she is very tall so length she needs bigger sizes. All her trousers/skirts have to have adjustable waists otherwise they fall down. She is definately healthy, loves fruit and veg etc, but still does not eat big meals though she is getting better.

My youngest put weight on quite fast. Was waking for feeds at night a lot later (up to a year old). She has a very big appetite. Likes to eat 3 main meals a day plus snacks. She is 14 months old and wears either 12-18mths clothes and some 18-24mths.

Last weigh in she is bigger at this age than what my eldest was.

Nothing different was done. Both had cooled boiled water from a young age as it helped againt constipation plus was good in warmer weather. But it was never given to hold them off from a feed etc.

I just wanted to say that no 2 children are the same. My girls have the same dad, same diet in pregnancy, similar births etc and were similar weights born as well but both are completely different in terms of eating habits, weight gain, personality

femalevictormeldrew · 25/08/2011 09:45

YANBU but I don't see what you can do about it without opening up a whole can of worms with your SIL. I have had this battle with my MIL - every single day I heard about how I should be giving DD water (even though it was snowing and frosty and -15 conditions at the time). At one point we went to a wedding and left baby with MIL to babysit, when we returned she told me she had given her less formula in her bottles because she "could be dehydrated". I was not impressed as you can imagine. Any nurse or doctor I spoke to told me DD didn't need extra water because thats what formula is made with. I am sure an occasional drink of water is no harm and may actually do good, but I would be a bit Hmm about the milk being substituted with water regularly.

Anyway this is not about me. I don't know how you can approach this without causing offence to your SIL. If you feel that her child is being badly affected you would probably be better to let your DH deal with it. Is there anyone you could get to have a quite word with your MIL (like her sister or something)?

scrambedeggs · 25/08/2011 11:45

water is fine between feeds

back in the day that was the advice we were given. Surprisingly our babies survived, hale and hearty

GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/08/2011 11:53

But surely common sense tells you that a 7 week old needs milk. What exactly is the point of filling up such a tiny tummy with something of absolutely no nutritional value so close to a feed?

RitaMorgan · 25/08/2011 12:26

Babies need milk, whether they are breastfed or formula fed. Possibly, formula fed babies need small amounts of water in very high temperatures or if they are constipated - but not routinely.

Giving a tiny baby bottles of water when they are hungry so you can make them wait longer for milk is stupid - I don't care if it's what people did "back in the day", it's still stupid. Common sense should tell you that.

Formula feeds should not be diluted. Because a baby takes less milk, and excess water can be harmful.

pommedechocolat · 25/08/2011 12:30

It's a myth that ff babies need water. Formula milk has a huge water content. Breast milk can alter water content depending on temperature though and ff stays the same.

No baby needs water if it's getting enough milk - ff or bf.

Your SIL sounds like she really, really needs some practical help and support. Can you go and see her?

MoominsAreScary · 25/08/2011 12:36

She's probably listening to older relatives, my mum always thought babies needed extra water because that's what they said nearly 30 years ago, however she has enough commen sense to know things change and if your not sure there is always google