to be worried about my SIL 's baby?

[inspireme]

Myself and SIL both had babies a few days apart,who were the same weight,they are now 7 weeks. SIL and MIL seem obsessed with giving her baby and consequently my baby water.

I was bf-ing up until a few wks ago and her baby has been formula fed from the start.

They ask me every time I see them do I give my baby water and each time I reply saying babies don't need water unless its really hot outside as they may be more thirsty, as mw and doc have told me. MIL has told me she has given my baby water on the 2 occasions she has kept him- even though is wasn't warm and she knows i dont do it.

Every time I see SIL she is either giving the baby water (3-4 oz) or telling me she gave her water as she was crying but isn't due her feed yet. She says her baby goes 4-5 hours between feeds but she gives her water between them to hold her out.

This would not bother me as much only her baby is a hell of a lot lighter than my baby who I have been told probably should be a bit heavier. I lifted her the other day and was really shocked as how light she was, didnt feel much heavier than our baby's birth weight at 7lb 2oz, my baby is 10lb 3oz now. Her baby is also doing 4 or 5 dirty nappies a day, and SIL is saying she has diahorrea because she is teething, im thinking it may be the water.

The health visitor has not been to see her since week one for some reason so her baby hasn't been weighed since then.

So AIBU to be worried about her babys weight and possible lack of nutrition, and frequent dirty nappies or is this normal?

We are both first time mums so neither of us are experts I'm sure, so would appreciate some views from mums.

In your shoes OP I would be talking to my HV, with a view to her talking to my SIL's HV in turn.

It might be that there's nothing to worry about, but neither you (particularly being so close to the situation - and I'm sorry but you cannot be objective about this right now) nor a bunch of strangers on the Internet can judge that.

Suggesting going for a weigh-in together is a terrible idea. It'd give you an opportunity to show off about how much weight your dd has gained. I'm not saying you would show off; rather that that's how it could very easily (and understandably) be construed by your sil.

Is she MIL's dd or dil ? Do you ever see her without mil present ? I wonder if she is "going along" with her advice in her presence to keep the peace then doing her own thing when not. Babies grow and develop at different rates so you are not doing either child a favour in comparing - it will only get worse as time goes on if you do. Maybe she is giving larger feeds less frequently than you - that doesn't necessarily make her wrong and you right. If she expresses concern such as about the number of dirty nappies then fair enough to suggest she sees someone. Unless the baby is unhappy or unhealthy (and if she hasn't had cause to see a hv or gp yet it seems unlikely) then you would be better keeping out and focussing on your own baby until such time as your opinion is sought.

YANBU and I would be concerned too. JenaiMarr has it, in my opinion, definitely talk to your HV. There may be nothing wrong, but you can't just assume that as it's a baby's health we're talking about.

Sorry you got a hard time at first. There has been some distinctly weird advice on this thread, agree that Feeding would have been a better topic for you.

I haven't read all the replies, but she's only feeding every 4-5 hours and the baby is just 7 weeks old? That's not right at all! Baby should be feeding on demand and at least every 2-3 hours during the day and water should be in addition to regular feeds, not instead of.

BF babies don't need additional water as the fore milk provides all the water they need.

Do you not have a HV-staffed baby clinic nearby that she's been encouraged to visit and get her baby weighed at regularly? There are several in my town on different days of the week and I've been encouraged to visit every 4 weeks for a weigh-in - or more if I want advice on anything. Could you go together perhaps?

The absolute max she should be going between feeds is 4 hours and I would have though 3.5 hours would be more usual at this age. You are right she shouldn't be giving large amounts of water, just a bit if it's v hot. Under feeding can cause green runny poos which might be what your SIL thinks is the runs. It won't be teething at 7 weeks.

If you don't think you can persuade her to go to health visitor to get baby checked and weighed maybe you could mention to health visitor that you think your SIL could do with a chat about infant nutrition. She should follow that up I would have thought.

YANBU for caring but I think you need to take a step back and focus on your own baby. My SIL moved close to us and as a result we were under the same HV. I'd had no problems before this with the HV and her concern for me or the children until she started having numerous home visits with SIL which were to discuss me and the apparent fact that I couldn't look after 2 children. Apparently I left ds in my bedroom to scream all day and that I came across as depressed. It was a nightmare. I've never been so happy for their house to go up for sale and move. I never saw the HV after the Paed told her to lay off me and that my son was healthy and no under lying concerns and that I was a good mother.

Ironically the HV stopped me in the GP surgery a couple of weeks ago and told me she was sorry about how things had ended and that she had kept in contact with the nursery who said there were no concerns about either of my children and that they were thriving at school.

Why is everyone so fixated with the OP "focussing" on her own baby ? As if being concerned about her niece is somehow making her neglect her own baby ! I presume she perfectly able to consider more than one thing at a time.

Water between feeds is not fine - as little as 3 oz a day can cause water intoxication and lead to seizures. I would take the advise of others and see if you can get her to go to a baby clinic with you so you can bring it up with a medical professional with her.