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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take half her dole money from her?

349 replies

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 18:28

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. Sad She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bigfatdoledosser · 23/08/2011 19:10

I'm 37

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:11

No wonder there are so many inept adults about, especially men who expect their wifes or dp, to cook, clean and look after them like their mums would.

worraliberty · 23/08/2011 19:11

Yep DBF probably one of the saddest things I've read.

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:12

bigfatdoledosser thought you were 19 Shock. Do you live with your parents then Hmm

MissVerinder · 23/08/2011 19:12

I've not read the whole thread, so apologies if someone has already said this, but if she's on a full time further education course, she won't be getting "dole money" for much longer.

Obv. dependant on her age and how the course is funded (ie: it's free because she's on the dole) the Jobcentre will get the funding request, put 2+2 together, and it will be bye bye dole, as she won't be available for work.

lachesis · 23/08/2011 19:12

My dyspraxic 8-year-old knows how to properly turn the cooker on and off, the oven, too. She's great at cracking eggs, using a whisk, measure out washing powder, load it and turn it on, etc.

The 5-year-old is coming along and even the 3-year-old DS knows the meaning of 'tidy up time'.

It does a child not favour to infantilise them.

worraliberty · 23/08/2011 19:13

Piglet Bfdd is clearly on a wind up here lol

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:13

yes if i were your mum I would definitely take half or more than half your dole money, I think she would be doing you a favour because at least it would encourage you to fend for yourself if you were out the door, I could claim my house back then.

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:13

Oh I fell for that Blush

Bigfatdoledosser · 23/08/2011 19:14

I've got 4 children! Am I Hell as like 19, bloody wish I was, my mum looks after my kids when I go out :) as we all live with her.

Original poster
RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 19:14

She has finished her course MissVerinder

OP posts:
frownieface · 23/08/2011 19:14

So your daughter gets just over £100 every 2 weeks and you want to take £50 off of her?

This will leave her with £25 a week. To get a job she will need to travel to interviews. Where I live a bus pass is £13 per week. This leaves her with £12 to get clothes and stuff interviews.

I think yabu, being on job seekers allowance is soul destroying, the job centre is depressing, and to top it off she will have no money so see friends (it is important to maintain a normal routine when job hunting).

Why not get her to do chores and jobs around the house or make a deal that when she does find a job she will contribute financially to the house.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 23/08/2011 19:15

This thread is making my teeth itch. My Ex's son was like this. 21 years old. Didn't know how to use a washing machine, or a freezer, didn't know how to boil an egg - no exaggeration. First ever job at 20 after 4 years on dole (never having to pay any money to mumsy) - had NO idea how to manage money to budget to take care of himself. How is that being a good parent??

OP - if you can afford it then why not take some of the money, and as others have said, dole money isn't there to pee up the wall and have jollies with, and save it for your DD in the future without telling her.

MissVerinder · 23/08/2011 19:15

Rebel, I shall apologise.

I am too full of fish and chips and blood had flowed from brain directly to stomach.

Charge her, that's what I say. She'll soon get off her bum and get a job somewhere.

diddl · 23/08/2011 19:15

MissVerinder

I don´t think you have read the OP tbh.

Daughter has just finished a course & is now claiming.

MissVerinder · 23/08/2011 19:16

I know Diddl I am crap :(

activate · 23/08/2011 19:17

Of course that's reasonable - more than reasonable

An adult child should contribute towards the household s/he lives in

diddl · 23/08/2011 19:17

Oops-I was too slow there!

wonderstuff · 23/08/2011 19:17

LOL at fabby!
Definitely take money from her, housework to earn some back is a good idea too. My parents have always refused to take money from my brother and I when we lived at home - my db - who is now 29 is still at home - still not paying any rent or contributions to bills - still spending all his money on going drinking with his mates...
My children are yet to start school but I will certainly expect them to contribute when they leave education - dh is keen on changing the locks when they hit 21!

Diamondback · 23/08/2011 19:18

I gave my Mum a third of my dole money every week when I lived at home (and that was when dole was £35/week!). Perfectly fair. If you're old enough to work/look for work, you're old enough to contribute to the household.

diddl · 23/08/2011 19:18

I´m sure if OP takes half & that leaves her daughter short of money to trave to an interview/buy suitable clothes she´ll give some back.

Kladdkaka · 23/08/2011 19:19

My daughter (18) has to pay £10 a week towards her keep and she's still at school. It's not the money, it's the principle, she gets more back than she gives. When I first told her she had to pay she went mad, thought I was being mean. But now it's normal to her. She's just got a weekend job and without any prompting the first thing she said was that now she'd be able to pay a bit more.

squeakytoy · 23/08/2011 19:21

BFDD must be one of Fabbys kids Grin

GrownUpNow · 23/08/2011 19:21

Mum would take up to a maximum of 50% of what we were earning. Her rule was that when you are earning money and not in education, that you have to pay your way. Looking after me certainly cost her a lot more than half my dole money when I was out of work. It was a good motivator to stay in education, you kept anything you earned then, and it was a good way to teach me the value of money, as I now spend far more than half my income on rent and rates. You buy clothes, go out and go on holiday when you can afford it, if you are on the dole, it's not really the time for it, whether you are young or not.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 23/08/2011 19:21

Just asked my mum if me and siblings and neices etc. can move back in and not pay anything seeing as the reason she had us all was to provide for us forEVAH. She said no. WTF.