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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take half her dole money from her?

349 replies

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 18:28

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. Sad She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

OP posts:
lachesis · 23/08/2011 18:58

And I didn't have children for them to see me as a lifelong meal-ticket and crash pad. They need to learn to stand on their own two feet because it's very likely they won't have Mummy around to bail them out forever.

How bizarre.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 23/08/2011 18:58

I literally want to scrub my eyes with bleach when I read the crap you spout Fabby.

Cocoflower · 23/08/2011 18:59

About 2 years ago I would have agreed with Fabbychic.

However 5 years later of my dad not asking my lazy brother, still living at home for a penny has resulted in a situation you never want to get yourself in. Ever.

lachesis · 23/08/2011 18:59

My BIL is 35 and still lives at home. He'll never know the joy of marrying, having kids, his own home because now he can't be arsed. I think MIL did him a huge disservice mollycoddling him the way she did Sad.

DogsBestFriend · 23/08/2011 18:59

Sometimes I think that you make it up, Fabby.

I can see huge incentives for your DS to get a job when he can have money, board, washing, food, toiletries and bills for nothing.

Will you still be providing for DS when he's 45 and living at home on JSA?

Bogeyface · 23/08/2011 19:00

Fabby what planet are you on exactly?!

If kids cost fuck all then you would never see a "so sad we cant afford another baby" thread on here would you?!

I was taking £35 a fornight off my DS which left him £35 a week to spend. Now his is spending most of his time at his GF house I take £10 on the understanding that the remaining £25 is used for the shopping him and his GF do when they eat at hers and it working well. His GF likes it too because as she said, food for the two of them isnt double what she spent for one so they can have a few treats and the money goes much further. That in itself has taught him a lesson!

Allowing an adult child to live for free as long as they like is teaching them nothing apart from how to be lazy entitled freeloaders. Good luck with your retirement Fabby, cos it sounds to me like you will still be running around after your adult DC!

squeakytoy · 23/08/2011 19:00

I did not have children for them to pay me for providing for them, that is my job.

Only while they are children or in education surely? where do you draw the line?

Peachy · 23/08/2011 19:00

I;d take it, and did pay my Mum when I was at college on a bursary. About 30% IIRC.

If I coulda fford it I may well save it up and hand it abck to them when they leave home or whatever but you have to learn the realities of living.

Nagoo · 23/08/2011 19:01

YANBU If you can afford it save it for her and she can then have a deposit for moving somewhere when she gets a job :) I think getting to keep all the money and having no responsibility will make her less likely to want to get work, any work.

Sofabitch · 23/08/2011 19:01

I take it you were not claiming housing benefit whilst your adult child was working? As the government would expect them to contribute towards the rent.

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:01

YABU its not a lot of money at all, and she is not in full time work. I think that its acceptable to ask adult children to pay their way, if they are earning.

Peachy · 23/08/2011 19:01

lachesis snap with my BIL, except he's almost 40 now

DogsBestFriend · 23/08/2011 19:02

"I did not have children for them to pay me for providing for them, that is my job.

Only while they are children or in education surely? where do you draw the line?"

At least past the age of 45, I reckon, squeaky! :o

SouthernFriedTofu · 23/08/2011 19:03

Fabby do you really think the 50 quid the OP was taking off her kid was really going to pay the OP's way!?

It doesn't even pay the "childs" way. I wonder if people living at home should get JSA at all, maybe it should just be paid in to their parents hands as they aren't supporting themselves, mum and dad still are.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 23/08/2011 19:04

YANBU. It's irresponsible to encourage your child not to use JSA for what it's meant for: you should take some. But if you can afford it, why not put it in a savings account for her, then give it to her as a present when she gets a job? It would be the start of a deposit on a flat, wouldn't it?

Bigfatdoledosser · 23/08/2011 19:04

I'm currently on the dole, hence the name... And I buy my fags, beer, tight skirts and tops to go out on and am going on a girls holiday to Ibiza in 4days! If my mum even thought about taking any money off me I'd be straight out the door and wouldn't speak to her again, cause that's well tight OP, I'd be ashamed of you if you was my mum!!

WinterIsComing · 23/08/2011 19:04

My parents "forbade" me (our roof, our rules) claiming when I left college after A'levels and was looking for a job. Poll tax had just come in and I couldn't prove I wasn't working and got landed with a bill. I found a few hours bar work for the rest of the year until I went to University but it nearly all went towards paying that so everyone missed out.

diddl · 23/08/2011 19:05

"Kids cost fuck all"

We´re going hellishly wrong somewhere then-we´re buying food, clothes, shoes, school books....

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:05

I think it is good for adult children to contribute something, they have to learn how to budget and that things cost money. They would have to pay if they were on their own? I would only take a token amount though, half is too much until she starts earning.

worraliberty · 23/08/2011 19:06

I can see Fabby's son still living with her at 45 in all honesty. I doubt he'd find another mug to wait on him hand and foot the way she says she does.

FFS it wasn't long ago you were proudly telling us your seventeen year old son could not use the cooker. He didn't know how and you didn't expect him to know because 'cooking was your job as a Mum'

You've either got 'mug' written across your forehead or 'scared of being alone' written there.

Either way, I can't imagine them finding a similar dogsbody to marry.

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:07

My point entirely bigfatdoledosser, how old are you btw?

5inthebed · 23/08/2011 19:07

YANBU, although maybe take £15 a week, rather than the £25.

pigletmania · 23/08/2011 19:08

The dole is there to help you with essentials not to go pissing up a wall.

DogsBestFriend · 23/08/2011 19:09

Worra are you serious?

Can't use a cooker at 17?

Mum's proud of that?

Mum considers cooking her job?

FFS, I've heard it all now!

ladyintheradiator · 23/08/2011 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.