to take half her dole money from her?

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

I would take the money and put in into a savings account for her (but not tell her). She needs to learn the value of money and will aprreciate having a deposit.

I would do the savings account thing as well, forgot to add that.

dreamingbohemian - It teaches our adult DC that they have to work to be able to buy nice things/have a good social life.

"What about teaching her that when she's going through a difficult time she can always count on family to help out."

Yes its great when family help each other out, but reducing the amount she has to go out and enjoy herself, is hardly leaving her in dire straits.

I'm pretty sure by brother would never have left home or worked if he could have kept all his dole money to spend on clothes and going out.

dreamingbohemian - her family are helping her out. Her parents aren't kicking her out (not that I am saying they should!).
She will have her home, her food, her clothes, her travel to interviews and all her bills covered for £25pw. If that is not helping her out then I don't know what is.

I actually don't think it is a good idea to have an open bank account with family. Help in need, yes of course, but just funding things on an ongoing basis is not a good idea.

I think that teaching them that you are there for them and they can count on family is not about giving them money. I want to always have the door open to my children on emotional level, so they can always feel the warmth of havily family, can cry in my arms, can ask for advice etc. i think thats priceless, or maybe i'm too idealogist....

Not read whole thread BUT...
IMO you would not be doing her any favours by letting her live for nothing. Kids these days (oh GOD did I just say that?) don't know the value of money. Easy come, easy go.
You're not being unreasonable to expect her to pay her way (though I doubt half her dole would go anywhere near that)
Paying board will make her live in the real world, learn to budget and prioritise spending. Does she smoke/drink/drive?
I think a good thing for you to do would be to get her to do the family shop - something to do whilst the household is a work - then she can appreciate the deal she's getting.
Does she read the news? Does she know fuel bills have gone up 20% AGAIN?

What is dole money for, anyway? Is it NOT to pay to live? Rent, gas, electricity, water rates, TV licence, phone line, council tax, sky tv if you have it, food, maintenance costs of the home etc etc etc.

Don't lose your rag, Rebel, just invite her to find a better deal elsewhere.

I agree you have to teach your kids to stand on their own, I just don't think taking 25 quid a week from them really teaches them anything. Surely that's not the only way to teach them the value of work? I would rather let her keep the money and draw up a budget for it that she has to stick to, and maybe give her a seven-hour day that she has to do as well (X hours to look for work, Y hours to do household chores, etc.) That seems more practical to me.

I left home at 17 so I don't have any experience of this. My brother however (early 20s) has lived with my parents for several years now because even though he contributes some money it's still a better deal than he would have on his own.

I work with people on JSA (income-based) who are living in shared houses/hostels/homeless flats. Believe me, she's getting a very good deal and a lot of help by being able to live at home.

The HB she'd get would be based on a her having a room in a shared house. It's capped as such.

And again, it doesn't cover utilities, food, phone, travel, etc.

Because benefits are a safety net, not there to have money spare to go out, on holiday, etc.

That is what you teach your child who is claiming and living at home by charging for cost of board, that people are on benefits don't have a cushy life, it's a hard go, they are not piss takers dossing about.

Laquitar - it is what I have from my parents. Emotional backup is FAR more important than money. In lots of ways I and my brothers have needed emotional support and advice much more since we were 18 than we did before, and it has always been there.
I always find it a bit odd when people cast their children off entirely at 18.

I agree Lach, ppeople on benefits who look as if they ahve it cushy (assuming workless benefits) are either going without absics such as food, running up unserviuceable debts to loan sharks ewtc, working cash in hand or have kindly famillies buying stuff.

There are otehr options as well as take half / not take: you can take her share of food / leccy etc at whatever it costs that week; you could take some and compel her to save some; you could (IIRC this is what Mum did with sis who was not good at handing over her money) just end buying her food etc and let ehr sort that (tbh we all did that when we earned anyway as was a nice change from Dad's sweet n sour onion speciality 0

sorry, 7 years on disability?

What's wrong with 7 yeras on disability?

for some disability lasts 4 months (3 month minimum to qualify)

for others a lifetime

If it were my daughter, I'd probably do more of the tabulating what it cost for extra food/power, etc. OR, she could take over buying/paying for some of it.

Mine already know about budgeting and such. We use 'The Pocket Money Plan' and they have savings accounts, bonds and their CTFs. The older two go online with my help and monitor their accounts.

They come with me shopping a good deal and we look at what things cost, comparison shop, etc.

They have chores in the home appropriate to their age, per the plan, and get money based on this.

The goal of this all for us is for them to learn that families are units that work best as a team, as they are part of that, their role is vital to our strength. Also financial independence, the value of money and that things require work to get.

I'd also, if I could afford it, go with the wise suggestion of chores in exchange for taking off less dole money (or earnings if they're living at home and working).

That's bloody loads if she isn't expected to contribute to household expenses. As a single parent to one DC paying a mortgage, bills, food and school uniform, I get around double that. Believe me, there isn't a lot over for going out or clothes.

From my experience, £50 a week would have been great. I probably wouldnt have moved out for a lot longer if my mum had let me keep all of it, I got really frustrated at having to walk instead of catching buses after a few months, and I still had fun, but how would it have been fair for my mum to work and pay my way, while I get to have fun :/
It might depend what your DC are like, but I needed a kick up the arse to get the drive to move out

clothes, going out or holidays? They are luxuries that you buy if you can afford them - they are not basic human rights. Kids need to learn that in order to have these nice things, you have to earn them, end of.

YANBU, She has left fulltime education and should nowbe paying for herself.

Isn't there a general 'rule of thumb' along the lines of a third for spending, a third for saving and a third for housekeeping? Even though she's on the dole I don't see why she shouldn't be paying something for her board. If you don't need the money save it for her.

It would be nice to have £200 a month pocket money!

lachesis, I am most interested in the Pocket Money Plan! Dd is 7.5 and I am trying to start the "earn your money" thing - mostly through good behaviour, but I guess increasingly through helping out more.

20 odd years ago I had to pay £10 per week board whilst jobseeking. I can't remember exactly what income support I got then - £54 a fortnight is the figure my memory is coming up with.

It's a book! here. Some of the best money I've ever spent!