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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take half her dole money from her?

349 replies

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 18:28

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. Sad She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

OP posts:
Takitezee · 23/08/2011 18:45

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern makes a very good point about doing household chores instead of giving hard cash whilst she is on the dole. My main worry would be about getting lazy in looking for a job rather than learning about cash flow.

ZhenXiang · 23/08/2011 18:46

I think that is reasonable, it would take at least £25 a week to feed her and for the gas and electric she uses.

She would have the remaining £25 a week to spend on travel to get to interviews, printing CV's and application forms, for her phone to phone for jobs and clothes.

I am claiming JSA temporarily and do not get to go out and spend money to socialise because any left over after job-hunting costs, food, clothes and bills goes on my child. I go to family/friends houses if I want to get out as that is free.

You are teaching her budgeting skills she would need to fend for herself were she have live away from the comfort of your home.

TheSkiingGardener · 23/08/2011 18:47

I would take something in principle as she is now an adult and needs to contribute to her keep.

I would however save it and help with house deposits etc down the line

LunarRose · 23/08/2011 18:48

Totally not unreasonable, I bet you are left with far less than half you're income when you've paid all the bills, so why should she be any different?

WinterIsComing · 23/08/2011 18:48

Taking money from a grown-up child who just gets dole money is not wrong. Suppose that "child" was a man who had fathered children, as my exH is, and so many MNers exH's are?

If (God forbid) my son was in that position I would either be taking some of it in order for him to realise that utilities and food are not free or I would be making him live elsewhere and pay them himself. It is not supposed to be pocket money.

FabbyChic · 23/08/2011 18:48

So you can afford to keep her but you want to rob your own child of money because you can?

Sorry but kids have enough to contend with, without having the pressure of paying to live at home on their heads.

Tell her she can live here with me for free! Kids cost fuck all.

pozzled · 23/08/2011 18:49

I like the idea of asking her to contribute to household chores, while paying a small amount (maybe £15 or £20 a week). But maybe let her have a week or two without paying so that she can make sure she has some suitablw clothes for interviews, some money for public transport etc.

It really annoys me actually that some posters think it's right that JSA should be spent on socialising and holidays.

SouthernFriedTofu · 23/08/2011 18:49

YANBU, and Fabby should be ignored in general

LineRunner · 23/08/2011 18:49

The money is for food, clothes, bills and job seeking. I would take an amount to cover her food, and a bit for fuel, and leave her the rest for clothes and job seeking.

I would probably at present take £15 a week on the understanding that she is seriously looking for work.

My friend who is actually in this situation has asked her DD for £20, but DD still expects £200 Christmas presents!!

lachesis · 23/08/2011 18:49

If mine lived with us but we couldn't get tax credits or child benefit anymore, they would have to pay me board or I couldn't afford to feed us all.

Greedy, my arse!

I would never live with my parents as an adult and expect to sponge off them like a 10-year-old. Hmm

spout · 23/08/2011 18:50

YANBU. She's darned lucky to have (what I assume is a) well-kept, grown up home with all mod cons.

If she whinges, tell her to look into what sort of accommodation she'd get on benefits and how much she'd have left from the dole after bills and living expenses. Not more than £25 per week, I'll bet.

lachesis · 23/08/2011 18:51

Kids cost FA? Gees, they eat, they use power, they take up space you could either let out or downsize to a place with cheaper rent/lower mortgage.

That's a lot of FA.

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/08/2011 18:51

Maybe a token to save but I wouldnt take half. Its her home, as long as she helps with housework then i'd be happy.

squeakytoy · 23/08/2011 18:51

Kids cost fuck all.

Dont be so daft Fabby.. of course they cost money. Do they not eat? Use electricity and gas?

spout · 23/08/2011 18:52

at "kids cost fuck all" have you seen how much a teenager eats?

MuddlingMackem · 23/08/2011 18:54

YANBU at all!

My parents were the same as Diddl's, as my brother and I also had to do the 3 way split - board/save/spend - and I know that should my kids be earning and living at home I'll insist on that for them as well. After all, if you make the savings aspect a condition of living at home you've got a better chance of getting rid of them sooner as they might actually manage to save up a deposit for a house that way. Grin

worraliberty · 23/08/2011 18:54

Oh FGS there's nothing wrong with taking house keeping from kids...it makes them realise there's no such thing as the shopping, gas, electric, telephone bill fairy.

Fabby You sound quite unhinged sometimes the way you molly coddle your kids. I'm surprised they can do anything for themselves.

cornsilx · 23/08/2011 18:54

well there's food, hot water (lots of it probably Grin), phone bill, washing (lots of it also Grin...hardly fuck all!

eaglewings · 23/08/2011 18:55

Lived at home in my twenties when too ill to work, paid mum half my incapacity benefit. Also was in charge of doing all washing and tried to keep house tidy if I could.
Still had more money left than I would have done had I still been living on my own.
Tis life

FabbyChic · 23/08/2011 18:55

My son is entitled to dole money, I told him I didn't want him to claim it.

I earn a mere 16k only me here, single parent, and I'd still not take a penny from him.

Sorry I guess some peoples thoughts are different, but I did not have children for them to pay me for providing for them, that is my job.

NorfolkBroad · 23/08/2011 18:56

I would take less than half but I would insist on her paying me some. I paid my mum money when I was in a similar position years ago. I actually suggested it to her. I want my dd to grow up knowing that things don't come for free and getting an idea of how much things cost. Even if i didn't need the money I would ask for a token amount. My friend asks for £10 for every £50 her daughter earns (she has a PT job). Alternatively I suppose she could do jobs for you around the house...although she might be doing that already.

Snowgirl1 · 23/08/2011 18:56

YANBU. Although if you can afford to, could you save it up and give it back to her as a deposit to buy a flat/rent a place?

pozzled · 23/08/2011 18:56

Fabby, I am very curious as to how long you feel that children should live at home for free. Would you be happy to pay for your child at 25? 40? Would you be happy to pay for all their living expenses if they had a much higher quality of life than you? Should parents still pay for their adult children if it meant the parents had to give up luxuries like holidays and eating out, while the kids could afford them?

worraliberty · 23/08/2011 18:57

My son is entitled to dole money, I told him I didn't want him to claim it

And hopefully he told you to butt out and mind your own business?

Original poster
RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 18:57

I have been thinking about this all day since she went for her first sign on this morning. I thought I would start off taking half then I could pay her for doing some jobs at home if she wants to earn back some cash when she is struggling. I really hope this phase in her life is short term!

OP posts: