to take half her dole money from her?

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

Presumably she does already have some clothes though!

Travel then clothes?

So you expect her to get the bus to job interviews butt naked?

I make my 3 pay £25/week each

18yr DD paid up to date working f/t earning £6/hr
19yr DS £600 in arrears working f/t earning £9/hr
21yr DD paid up to date working f/t earning £7.50/hr

DS will soon be looking for somewhere to live and if the arrears reach £1,000 his bags will be in his car and his keys taken.

They can't take the piss when they leave the nest so they sure as hell won't be allowed to when they are in it. Its a tough lesson that they need to learn, for their own sake.

I believe only if they've paid a certain level of ni contributions at a part time job. When I finished uni I couldn't get jsa as I hadn't paid any ni over the previous two years.

DS is 22 and has been unemployed for nearly 2 years, apart from the odd temp job through an agency.
He is currently giving me £40 from his dole money of £53 a week. The alternative is that he leaves home and fends for himself. At the moment, he is at the Leeds festival, which he paid for himself.
I know that he hasn't really tried very hard to get a job. We live in a seaside town with hundreds of places he could probaly find something, but he needs a kick up the backside, the lazy so-and-so. I am not going to fund his lazy life-style for him. It's called tough love. He is not a child, he is an adult and should behave like one. I love him to bits but I don't plan to have him still living at home for the rest of his life. I want him to be an independent adult, making his own way in the world.
Who wouldn't want that for their child?

When I left school I started an bbq'd through connections. I recieved an allowance of £40 per week and £13 each week for a bus pass. My mum used to take £20 per week from me. When I started working I was skint. I had a phone on contract that mum helped me get when I got my first job. I paid my bill from my first wage and gave my mum £100 for board. But during the month before my furst pay i had borrowed money from mum. Si when I got my first wage of £413 for the month - i only wirked 22 hours per week. My mum took all my money for what I owed her. On payday i was left with £10th for the month. So had to borrow off mum again and cycle continued.

I actually thank my mum for being like thatwith and money cos at 18yr old teens think they shouldnt have to psy anything and it mskes you appreciate money more. Life doesnt run on fresh air. my cousins grew up never psying board or anything so it hit them hard when hving to pay rent and bills when they moved out of home.

Started an nvq not bbq'd

I think you should divide your expenses by how many in the house and show her the abrgain she's getting, then look at local rents and show her that, then give her a list of chores to do that make up the rest of her keep!! I'm sure that there are some jobs she could get or voluntary work until she gets a 'proper' job. I would possibly save the money (about half she gives you) if you can afford it, this could be used for looking for a job,

rebel - this dole issue is a bit of a red herring.

You are in a fortunate postition money-wise so I suggest you act in your daughter's best interests by suggesting to her that she gets some real work experience in her choosen field in order to get her career going. If she has the qualifications and is having trouble finding work, experience is probably the main issue here. And she needs to network too.

Sit down with her and teach her all about bills, taxes, budgets, saving and housework. Ask her if as a grown woman she is happy to be treated as a child and have you do everything around the house; if not, what is she willing to take on. As you're expecting her to behave in an adult way I think you need to talk with her about adult responsabilities and let her come to her own conclusions about what she should be doing in terms of household contributions. If you approach things that way it'll be much smoother and less stressful all round.

By "let her come to her own conclusions" I meant say "So, what do you think it's fair for you to take on in the house" then hold her to it obv

Treat your children as toddlers forever and you'll end up moulding an incapable and stunted adult. fabby is doing her children no favours at all.

Apologies for reviving a slightly older thread but was keen to gauge your views on how you feel about contributions if the DC is and has been ill for some time. She is now 26, but doesn't contribute to the house at all, apart from a short period when well enough to work. She is in receipt of about £60 a week in benefits. I would, unfortunately, really benefit from a contribution as I am on a low income. Would you feel comfortable in these circumstances taking say £20 a week?

YABU, I think you are asking for too much money tbh by taking half of it, if she's job hunting she will need money to get smart clothes and pay transport for interviews. Take a smaller amount of money if you have to or wait until she has a job and is earning.

Sorry RedVase just noticed this was an old thread! Yes take a contribution from her towards food and heating. Could she apply for housing benefit for a contribution towards her share of the rent?

Thanks IHCB - I didn't think she would be entitled to housing benefit if she was living with me? My understanding was that it would only apply if she was out of the house. Will look into that.

Feel terrible asking her, but it's really coming to a point where I'm weighing up fuel bills vs food, and being very near retirement age and so unable to depend on future savings.

I flat shared with a few friends, one owned the flat and I paid rent but another friend applied for housing benefit to cover his share and got it. And DP rented a house with his brother and he got housing benefit for his share too, so it is worth a try. You should speak to CAB to see that you are claiming everything you are both entitled to if you are struggling - you might be able to get some help

It depends if you are absolutely skint and would struggle to make ends meet without the money, fair enough. If you don't need it YAB a bit U to take half to prove a point. £25 a week to live on is a miserable existence and how will she afford to go to job interviews, etc.

There seem to be an ever increasing amount of these threads of late. Parents some of whom do not need the money taking huge amounts of their DC's salaries for rent when some of them own expensive properties, just to prove a point that adults should pay rent.

Just think, I wouldn't count on your DC's to care for you when you're older

YABU. Hello OP, I think you're doing the right thing. I have worked since I was 13 years old. I had no choice as my father refused to give me anything-despite being more than capable of doing so. I am 32 now. I have always looked after myself, I've never relied on anyone. I have confidence in my own abilities and I feel secure as I know that if the shit hits the fan I have the resources to be able to look after myself and my children no matter what. Unlike many girls I never need to stay in an abusive relationship out of 'fear' of the unknown. You're the best sort of parent OP because you understand that good parenting sometimes makes you unpopular.

Stick to your guns. Life is tough, it's an important lesson that kids need to learn-especially girls.

honeyandsalt, done my kids huge favours thanks, they both appreciate what I have given up whilst they have been at home, eldest earns mega bucks and is buying me a house outright when he is 30, 7 years to go.

Youngest assumes that when I am old and frail that I will live with him or his brother to be looked after.

I know how to raise children because I have raised two and both have done exceedingly well academically and with regards to their earnings. One being at Uni for four years with no input from me and managing fine with paying bills and rent.

So your comment basically is shit and you have no idea what you are talking about.

You can claim JSA at 18 without having worked by the way to the poster who asked. My son did in his GAP year when he didn't work.

I think i used to give my mother about 30% (was a long time ago). But if i needed to get something big - like new shoes she'd give it me back!

:o welcome back Fabby! I only read these threads for your self delusional crap :o