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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take half her dole money from her?

349 replies

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 18:28

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. Sad She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 23/08/2011 18:35

She needs money to still socialise she needs to get out of the house.

She needs money to look for a job.

Taking money of a kid who only gets dole money sorry but that is just criminal.

FannyFifer · 23/08/2011 18:36

We used to pay 1/3 of our earnings or dole to parents while living at home.

cornsilx · 23/08/2011 18:36

fabby she is an adult not a kid

coccyx · 23/08/2011 18:37

Cross post.
How is it greedy, she is an adult. fact of life that food, utilities need paying for. she is getting it on the cheap

TheCompanyofWolefs · 23/08/2011 18:37

Erm, she shouldn't be spending the taxpayers money on clothes, going out and holidays, fuck that.

Take at least half, OP, or she's going to get very comfortable not working.

Original poster
RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 18:37

We can easily afford to keep her for nothing. I think it will do her good to feel she is contributing. I hope she gets a job soon!

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 23/08/2011 18:37

I would definitely ask for a contribution, but possibly not half.

diddl · 23/08/2011 18:37

Well if the daughter doesn´t like it, she can move out!

2shoes · 23/08/2011 18:38

i take a 3rd of ds.
it is enough for him to feel it, but leaves him enough for job hunting and things he needs

BabyDubsEverywhere · 23/08/2011 18:38

Seems a bit harsh, even if it is 'right'. Cant think of a better incentive for getting ANY job though Grin

RedHotPokers · 23/08/2011 18:38

£25 a week. I know PLENTY of adults who only have that left at the end of the week after all bills, food, rent etc.

Original poster
RebelFromTheWaistDown · 23/08/2011 18:39

Maybe she could go to live with Fabbychic?

OP posts:
LadyThumb · 23/08/2011 18:40

Admittedly if she were on JSA she would be getting HB, but the rest of her money would go on utilies and food. She needs to learn this.

I have a friend who only takes a small token from her adult children at home - all they do with the rest of their (really good) wages is to piss it up against the wall. Her husband is nearing retirement age, she doesn't work, and they are STILL supporting their children who have no idea whatsoever of the cost of living.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 23/08/2011 18:40

YABVU the dole is not a mazzive amount anyway but to then ask for half so you are saying she pives on £25 a fortnight and am assuming out of that she is to purchase any clothes, toiletries, travel expenses, social life everything else off of that?

My parents had a fair rule I felt that if we were on the dole (which my brother was at one point) that as my parents were both out at work full time we had to make a substantial contribution to household chores as we were not out at work all day and in return my parent never took our dole off of us it is little enough without that too.

diddl · 23/08/2011 18:40

When I first worked I paid a third rent, saved a third, third to spend.

Sofabitch · 23/08/2011 18:41

If you want to teach her a lesson around budgeting but don't actually need the money then you could take it and save for her without telling her so when she moves out gets a job etc needs a large lump sum it's there to help her out.

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 23/08/2011 18:41

Do you take her shopping at all? As in when you do the food shop? My little brother moved out to uni and literally could not believe how much food shopping was, as a consequence he has decided to live at home this year giving my parents £50 a month - This may not sound like much but at least it is something, maybe if she realises how much living actually costs she would be happy to contribute.

I do think half is too much, you'll probably end up in a situation where you're lending her most of it back - If she's anything like me ha ha

Good luck in finding a job to her though, atleast she is trying - I know quite a few people who just think "I'll just sponge off mum n dad for a bit" and don't even bother to sign on!

Takitezee · 23/08/2011 18:42

^Well, she can do that when she gets a job, can´t she?

That isn´t what dole money is for, is it?^

I wouldn't care what the money is intended for. When my children are young adults I want them to enjoy their lives before they settle down and take on the responsibilities of a mortgage and a family.

My own parents did the same for us and neither me or my siblings have ever (pre-dc) not worked or ever been in debt. We still learnt that we had to use whatever money we had wisely, had to save for holidays, etc.

maighdlin · 23/08/2011 18:42

I don't think its U. You have obviously lost CB and CTC so that shortfall has to be made up and she is getting a good deal.

summertimeblews · 23/08/2011 18:43

i dont take any money off my kids when they are out of work

its pennies anyway so not really fair

CustardCake · 23/08/2011 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 23/08/2011 18:44

"I wouldn't care what the money is intended for."

Well perhaps some tax payers do-and if it´s being spent on drinking & clothes-maybe the amounts paid out need looking at.

hairylights · 23/08/2011 18:45

Oh FFA fabby children - adult children - need to learn hiw to manage their budgets. How will they ever learn otherwise?

OP yanbu.

DogsBestFriend · 23/08/2011 18:45

Strange outlook, Fabby.

Rebel, YANBU. You are not a charity and your DD's not a child. Paying your way and respecting your home and parents is an important part of the transition into adulthood AFAIAC.

anonymousbird · 23/08/2011 18:45

When i hit 18 and was working but living at home, Mum didn't actually take money off me, she kept reminding me that she could... so if I 'behaved' as it were, showed respect for her house and all that then, she let me keep my earnings. And I have always remembered that and been very grateful, as it meant I could save etc for university later.

BUT she did remind me every now and then.... keep in line in my house, do my share of the chores or else you will be paying board and lodging! And if I had frittered or pissed the whole lot away, she would have then made me pay.

YANBU to take something off her, but unless you need her money to stay afloat, I'd say 50% is quite a lot.... Make sure she toes the line though, does her chores and all that!