to take half her dole money from her?

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

Almost every time I sit on the loo I think of the quote about not being able to wipe my arse at a size 16.

I think the earlier you teach them about financial responsibilty the better, my dd has always known that is she wants something out of the ordinary she has to contribute to it. At the moment she has started her own little business to raise money for a cause that is important to her.

As soon as she stops full time education she will be paying her own way at home.

SlackSally He's an investment banker, she mentioned it on another thread

I have a friend who doesnt pay his own mortgage anymore because he "cant afford it" so his parents pay it. He is in his forties and has a good job and is more than capable of paying it but prefers to spend his money on beer and going on holiday.

He grew up in a very privileged home and mummy and daddy paid for everything. He has never learned to stand on his own 2 feet and his marriage fell apart because of his attitude of "I'll just ask mum and dad" and because mum and dad never said no, they made him worse and worse.

Has she said what the hell was preventing her from wiping her own ass fatima? Because I'm way bigger than a 16 and have yet to have any problems!

Ah so he is one of the somebodies who managed to put the rest of us in the shit then?

No wonder Fabby is so proud......

Take it life and living is not free valable lesson, evenif you take a lesser amount.

If she wants more to buy more clothes have nights out, it will help her to learn value and I am a great believer in learning the link between work and reward, if she wants more of the formers then she'll find work. I know this sounds harsh as the young people do have it tough at the moment but in the long run this will serve her well.

I am sure when she has her first home/marriage/baby there will be many things along the way that you pay for.

YANBU- you do not have children with the intention of keeping them until they choose to leave home, you are there to provide for them until they are independent enough to survive on their own and if your dd is 18 then she is an adult and if you choose to charge her board then so be it.

Don't agree with fabby

What did you used to get in CB? I would take that for sure. Personally I had a part time job from age 16 and have never been given "spending" money since. My dad paid my accommodation bill for Uni and the rest was up to me. (I did get a small grant in them ancient days) I was unemployed for 6 months when 21 and my money had to pay for my upkeep. There were no clothes, holidays etc - I had rent and bills to pay. It gave ME the right kick up the arse.

A friend charges her ds (at college & working pt) half his wages, which works out at £30/pw.

However, he's allowed to 'pay' by doing chores rather in cash, on a £6/hour basis - so if he's saving up for a holiday or wants to treat himself to clothes, he does 5 hours babysitting/DIY/cleaning etc (on top of being responsible for his own room, washing & some cooking).

On weeks when he CBA, he just gives her the £30.

It works for them in similar circumstances - my friend doesn't really need the money, but wants to teach him to be responsible. & it is good value - £25 or £30 is less than a week's groceries & bills.

I have 2 younger DCs so I have lost about £13 in child benefit.

She needs to pay SOMETHING, even if you secretly save it up for her future. It is a REALLY important life lesson.

When I lived at home I paid my parents £15 a week (I'm now 42 and left 20 years ago), BUT I did all her housework, washing and ironing. She used to come home on a Friday from work and the house was immaculate I do love housework though

YANBU to ask foe a litle bit of money, So that she knows she can't have something for nothing, But half her dole money is way to much, She'll need money to look for a job and yes she will need to go out sometimes to meet with her friends,

I remember getting my first "real" job at 17 after I had left college on a year long secretarial course. I think I earned about £425 a month. I paid £100 a month for "board". More than fair and cheap!

Imagine trying to find a room with gas electric water tv food ironing blah blah for £100 a month. Cannot believe anyone thinks it is helpful to a "child" (adult) to let them think life is a free ride.

Am still smarting that my mum won't let me move back in, what is WRONG with her??? She had me, support and feed and clean for me woman!!

I feel pretty optimistic that she won't be on the dole for long

Dole money doesn't pay for bed - that would be HB so it's not really on to take that unless you really need it.

I'm with the ask her to pay something - maybe £10 a week - and review it when she's got a job.

It's reasonable that she contribute towards food, bills etc even if it's only token, and it's also reasonable that she has cash to spend on going out, clothes etc.

It's not her fault there's a recession and looming financial crisis. Plenty of time to experience penury in the future for all of us .

Um, if you are out of work, or in a low paid job, and are claiming HB, then as soon as your dc leave full time education, your HB is cut. Someone on Fabby's income should know that, unless they were either committing benefit fraud (claiming dc in FT education or left home), or are telling porkies about not taking any money - a child cannot eat fresh air, when you have been getting £20 a week Chb and £33 a week CTC in respect of the dc, and you no longer qualify for it (because your dc is not a CHILD any more), you also lose a portion of the HB that a non-dependent becomes responsible for.

So even if you took ALL of the JSA, you would be losing out and trying to feed the adult child on bugger all. And on an income of £16k as Fabby claims, she would have been getting at least £40 a week HB until her dc left education. Which would then drop to £20. So a total loss of £75 a week. .

And as for being proud that a 17yo can't turn on a cooker - I would be ashamed if that was one of my dc. My 13yo DD has SN and is capable of cooking a great risotto. My 9yo DS1 is being taught vegetable preparation. It is the job of a parent to teach their dc how to be independant adults. Honestly, I would bow my head in SHAME at that! Imagine their poor partners. They would expect to be run around after forever more.

In my view an 18 year old is an adult. So to turn this round a bit, I think that any adult who had been taught to appreciate the value of money and the importance of paying your way in life would do the decent thing and INSIST on paying towards their keep. If the parents are rich and decide to stash it in a savings account to produce at a later date then fine, but adults should expect to pay their way in life.
When I left school the small contribution I made to the family made life easier as my parents were quite hard up. So nobody should take the smug "you don't have children to live off them" attitude. (Fabbychic - bully for you, and your pampered children). Any adult living in a household should pay their way as much as possible. It's part of being a grown-up.

'Dole money doesn't pay for bed - that would be HB so it's not really on to take that unless you really need it.'

Once again, HB doesn't pay your board. It pays rent and council tax. You have to pay: gas/electric, water, food, transport, TV license (if you have it), phone (to get jobs), clothes all out of dole money, and it's a lot more than a tenner a week.

'Imagine their poor partners. They would expect to be run around after forever more. '

What partner? What modern woman wants a Mama's boy in an adult's body who doesn't pick up his own pants?

I had one for a while (12 years on and off) - even Mama won't take him back THIS time (he walked out 11 weeks ago because I refused to be treated like a slave, he's 36, this will be the first time he has lived anywhere except with me or his mum). I KNOW what their partners think - I've bloody been there, and am determined that MY dc will treat their partners better than that!!

I think it is important to help teach your child the importance of budgeting/money so that they can cope in the RL when they leave home. I would take 1/3 for food, suggest 1/3 for saving (for clothes, travel for job interviews etc) and 1/3 for spending. Also get them to do household chores - at 18 they are an adult and should be contributing either financially and/or by doing jobs to help out.