to take half her dole money from her?

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

YANBU I used to pay my parents to live at home. It was very little about 25% . I also used to put 5 pounds of petrol into the car a week. Also when i left home but returned for summer/easter/christmas hols i would give my mum a sainsburys voucher and brought some wine!

Yes you should take some money off her, everyone should learn that once you leave full time education you should pay living expenses even if it's just a small amount.

I wonder what some people's children are thinking, I would never dream of living at my mums for free if I was earning my own money

I could not do that to my children. Sorry, I think YABU.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I firmly believe that any child that's finished full time education and is getting an income...be it dole or a salary...should pay something if they choose to live at home.

I do think that the percentage is a bit steep, though. I'd have thought 20-25% was plenty (assuming it's intended as a lesson in paying her way, rather than you actually needing the money to afford to feed her!)

I thought I would start off taking half then I could pay her for doing some jobs at home if she wants to earn back some cash when she is struggling

WHAT is the point of that!? You are going to give her back HER money in return for her doing chores around your house if she is low on money? She will only be low on money because YOU want to take 50% of her income. How about you start off with 25% & review it?

FWIW I agree with her contributing something, however I think half is harsh, tbh. She isn't earning, she is getting a pittance. Taking a token amount from her is fine, I think but half is just taking the piss.

And to those who said she is using utilities/eating etc....well she was doing that last week and probably pretty much all her life so far, so nothing will actually change in that respect!! They don't suddenly start eating more/costing more just because they aren't at school.

My mother charged me over 50% of my weekly wage at 16. I wasn't spending any more than when I was at school, in fact less because being at work I bought my own lunches! It was costing her NO MORE to have me there, I was happy to contribute, but in her case it was greed. It also meant that I couldn't save money for holidays, going out etc.

Sounds the same here, tbh.

hmmmm may i make a suggestion? if you're okay for money (ie. you don't actually need the cash to cover stuff....

take it off her and stick it in an ISA or wotnot. then when she finally gets outta ya house give it back (lump sum) as a gift. you'll get all the advantages of teaching her the value of things/money and in the end she won't resent you so much...

i suggest as much because this is exactly what my folks did for me when i was living under their roof. though i was working rather than on the dole. Also having a lump sum put away might encourage her to save more. me? i spent the whole wad on new stuff for my new home!

obviously you should probably keep it under wraps that she'll be getting it back.

In all honesty it all depends on your own financial position. If you can afford not take anything from her, don't take any. But you need to make it clear she needs to contrubute to the house in other ways.

When I left uni back in the early 90's I didn't get a job for about 8 months. I went back to my parents and signed on to get JSA. My parents wouldn't take any money, but I had to work for my keep. I did all the cleaning, ironing, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. I worked flipping hard for my mum and dad. i didn't have my own car, lived in a very rural area and spent most of my money on buses getting to the shops and job interviews when they came up!

absolutely take the money - if it were up to me, a kid who lived at home and didn't have to pay bills shouldn't be entitled to any dole anyhow (fine expenses of going to job interviews etc I can cope with) but if she's getting free money to sit on her bum and is not having to pay for anything, where's the incentive to get a job or do something worthwhile with herself?? She needs to learn that things like a warm roof over her head, electricity, gas, food etc all cost money and it's up to us as parents to make sure that's a lesson they learn so that they don't end up like the many people who refuse to get a job because they get paid enough on the social!

You are absolutely positively NOT being unreasonable!!

YANBU. I am a firm believer in children learning to pay their way so that there are no nasty shocks in store for them when they flee the nest. My mum made me earn pocket money from the age of 11 onwards and taught me how to balance a chequebook, etc. As I've been poor for most of my life it's been invaluable. I've learned how to make a little go a long way.

OTOH over the years I have realised that the ability/attitudes of adult children has more to do with parenting styles generally. My boss's DC, for example, have always been extremely privileged financially (well, generally TBH), expensive hobbies and social life paid for, never charged for living at home, helped out with mortgage deposit, etc. Now they have left home they are all completely self-sufficient and hard-working, nice people. They were privileged and given an easy start, yes, but the standard of parenting was such that they know that and appreciate it. They all left home by 25 BTW.

You do get less if you live at home with parents IIRC though (it was about 7 years ago) not sure if that was more that you're not eligable for things like HB though.

Yanbu. Whoever said she should spend it on clothes etc is mad. She has to learn money isn't just given. Paying her way is a great lesson and something ALL young people Need to learn and know. ESP mid recession. It's tough but it's life as it just now. I gave my mum a third for digs she made me put a third in the bank and a third for spending. That included paying my own driving lessons etc.

I would take a tenner.

£40 quid a week is not much when you include bus fares and other unavoidable bits and pieces. She will need to spend a fair bit on transport if she is job hunting.

I would just be on her case about getting a job and helping around the house.

At the end of the day, whatever others would do, it´s between OP & her daughter.

25GBP per week all in!

She´s not going to live that cheaply anywhere else, is she.

And bills/food costs don´t tend to go up & down in line with what you earn, do they?

I think she should at least contribute towards food money. Might make her try a bit harder to get a job!

zukiecat maybe you should read the whole thread; op's DD is not in full time education (as your are) and therefore it is not the same scenario.

differentnameforthis when a DC leaves full time education then you are no longer in receipt of cb, so the income is lessened despite the costs remaining.

In terms of your own experience, even if you brought your lunch whilst at work, did you not use electricity, gas, have your clothes washed etc? These things cost money and as such your DM would have had to pay for it.

I have always told my DS that if he is in full time education then we are more than happy to support him but once he leaves then he is expected to contribute as he is an adult and no longer a child. He is currently between school and college (awaiting GCSE results) and has gained a summer job and yes, I am charging him board! (which I have used to purchase his provisional license and the rest I have saved without him knowing to pay for the travel costs to and from college when he starts)

op; I think you are being responsible here and showing your DD a valuable lesson. I was charged board when I left school and never though anything of it

''And to those who said she is using utilities/eating etc....well she was doing that last week and probably pretty much all her life so far, so nothing will actually change in that respect!! They don't suddenly start eating more/costing more just because they aren't at school.

My mother charged me over 50% of my weekly wage at 16. I wasn't spending any more than when I was at school, in fact less because being at work I bought my own lunches! It was costing her NO MORE to have me there, I was happy to contribute, but in her case it was greed. It also meant that I couldn't save money for holidays, going out etc.''

You lose CB and CTC. The price of food and energy is increasing markedly. And if your children have left home, you could downsize your home or flat, resulting in paying less rent/bills.

So having another adult in the home costs quite a bit.

Going out, holidays, not a right at all. If you didn't like the price of your keep at home, you were perfectly free to find other lodgings.

"At the end of the day, whatever others would do, it´s between OP & her daughter."

She has posted in AIBU so I took that as a request for my perspective. If she were living outside home on dole money she would be struggling to eat, paybills and pay her bus fare to the jobcentre. I wouldn't wish that existance on any teenager. That was my life when I got turfed out at 17. If it were my kid on the dole I would let them keep a little to have fun. Maybe even get PISSED I would only start insisting on rent if they were not trying to get a job.

FabbyChic I would never take a penny of my working children let alone those on the dole, I spent the last 7 years on Sickness Benefit yet my son in that time worked . . .

So you used your benefits to support your adult children even though they were working?!

YANBU to take a proportion of her money. Children hae got to learn about preparing to budget at some point. No better place than while still at home surely?? I agree that 50% is possibly too much but, your house, your rules. I would also take the money and put it in a saving account with a view to gifting it back to her when she flies the nest (dependant on your own financial needs etc). That way, you're not keeping "her" money whilst teaching her to budget. I would struggle to understand why anyone couldn't see that as a win win situation

I started paying rent when I was 17, still at school (6th form) and also used to buy my own food! I only earnt £20 a week and also had travel and course expenses to pay for (expensive area to study).

Oh and all my own clothes. It wasn't easy (in fact I got into debt) but I had incredibly poor parents. Even if they weren't poor though it's an important lesson for young adults to learn.

If JSA is supposed to be purely for travel/clothes/expenses occurred whilst job hunting, what is OPs daughter supposed to live on?