to take half her dole money from her?

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

[chuckle]

'If JSA is supposed to be purely for travel/clothes/expenses occurred whilst job hunting, what is OPs daughter supposed to live on?'

It's not purely for that. If the OP's daughter were not living with her mother, she'd have housing benefit and council tax benefit to cover rent and council tax. She would need to use JSA to cover: water, food, gas/electric, TV license (if she had a telly), phone, clothes, travel and any other expensese besides rent and council tax, because it's for living, not getting pissed and going on holiday because it's your right as a human being.

at those who seem to think that JSA is some kind of glorified pocket money! I stopped getting pocket money at 15 and so worked Saturdays/weekends to earn the money I needed for socialising. We're not supposed to be funding someone's weekend pissups !

Look, someone gives me money to spend on myself and I don't have to do a thing! Incentive to work ?

YANBU to take a token sum towards family expenses (£15-20 a week say), she can't have it both ways. If she's adult enough to claim JSA then she's adult enough to contribute.

It's about £68/week, IIRC.

I think it's fair enough...why shouldn't she contribute now that she's in receipt of benefits?

It will help her to budget...

Nowt wrong with it at all. My parents made me pay 'rent' when I had my first job...and fair enough. If you are old enough to work then you are old enough to contribute towards your expenses.

zukiecat 'you don't have kids to make money from them' I don't think anyone is suggesting that OP should be using her daughter as a profit centre. She is suggesting £25 a week in return for which her DD gets room, bills, food, clothes for interviews, use of a house etc. There is no way the OP is going to make money on this.

As soon as I started full time work I started paying board to my parents. As far as I remember it was about 1/3 salary. And I was a trainee accountant getting paid an absoloute pittance. But they were right to charge me.
Adult children need to learn that things cost money and how to budget. Neither of my BILs paid rent at home and boy did they get a shock when they moved out. One of them ended up moving back home. Also it encourages them to move out earlier which is better all round. Its not good for anyone to be leaving at home with Mummy in their 30s. Finally not charging them encourages a lack of respect and awareness of their parents and home I think. They end up taking it for granted and not appreciating all that is done for them which causes problems in other relationships later.

OP YANBU. Although I do agree that 50% is probably a bit much.

I also think that 50% sounds a lot-but it´s only 25GBP!

Surely nothing like a realistic contribution to her share of food/bills?

OK, I'm going to partially backtrack here based on the experiences of others. My thoughts on spending were based on my own experiences as somebody who has always worked and whose family has always worked. None of my family, friends or acquaintances are lazy freeloaders and my children won't become them whilst living here.

I was basing my view on the fact that the daughter is very temporarily on JSA until she finds a job and based on my own self as a mother who would be nagging and "helping".

I still would only want to take a token amount of £10 and let her have the rest. Once travel expenses are paid for there will be still only a very little for her to enjoy and buy clothes or go out with so I still see plenty of incentive to find a job.

When my children start working and whilst they are still living at home I still want them to enjoy it as much as they can before the constraints of home ownership kick in. I want them to have some fun and freedom whilst young adults but I'm certainly not going to have any freeloading 30 year olds here, they will be long gone by then.

I really don't believe that you have to take a lot of money from your children to teach them how harsh the world is. We were certainly never brought up that way and had an easier lifestyle than a lot of people. Myself and my siblings have all managed to buy houses, get married and have children without getting into debt and without any help from our parents and I believe we can do the same for ours.

Even if she takes half, it's still a token amount to what it costs to feed and lodge another adult for a week.

All this emphasis on going out and holidays, no wonder so many people find it a human right these days.

YADNBU

I paid digs from as soon as I left school. I took a year out to save for college and paid even then. I continued paying when I moved home after college and was working to pay off my student loan.

Nothing in life comes for free and nobody is too young to learn that.

I find it interesting, how many threads on here slagging off people on benefits for smoking or drinking. But when it comes to this OP's daughter, who is on benefits, she needs to go out and 'enjoy herself'.

Everyone who is saying 'ooh how will she get to interviews'. THE OP IS GOING TO FUND THAT.

What a bunch of self-righteous, Pythonesque Yorkshiremen you all are.

And the Fabby-bashing reflects more poorly on you than on her. She gave her opinion; you don't have to agree. Ignore, if you don't want to engage. And actually, it does sound like her sons are doing well, so maligning them here is ugly too.

What if someone waltzed onto a thread like this and pointed out that people obviously can't afford to have children if they rely on government support (e.g. CTC) in order to care for them and expect them out when the handouts stop? Who's "entitled" then?

Yanbu. If my dc were unemployed and adults I wouldnt expect them to be getting pissed, buying clothes and going on holiday.

I find it interesting, how many threads on here slagging off people on benefits for smoking or drinking. But when it comes to this OP's daughter, who is on benefits, she needs to go out and 'enjoy herself'.

Different people on different threads are going to give different opinions.

Oh give it a rest Pentheiseila.

pretty much everyone disagrees with molycoddling an adult who has their own income. FFs. it's not that controversial.

The sooner you learn that wages go towards boring expenses of daily life the better. I started paying "bed and board" to my parents the minute I got a job.
Attitudes like "you don't have children so they can give you money" do not help teach children how to budget and that the majority of your wages goes towards paying bills.

If I had a kid who had tried hard at college and was trying hard to get a job I would be tempted to TOP UP their jsa so they could go on holiday and get shitfaced. Why should a good kid have a crap youth just because there are no jobs at the moment?

Like I said earlier, I would be harsh if they were freeloading and making no effort to get a job.

"Taking money of a kid who only gets dole money sorry but that is just criminal."

Were your kids on "Bank of Mum and Dad" ?

Sinical. I didn't say it was controversial. Just thought there was competitive "I was taught the value of a lump of coal" going on, plus some rounding on one particular poster in an ugly display of self-justification. Just looks bad. And your aggressive response to me rather proves what I was saying.

at the comparison to the Yorkshiremen. Spot on.

Aggressive? pfft.