To think my family shouldn't change our DC's name?

[CallMeAnything]

I've namechanged for this as it totally outs me to anyone who knows me and I've revealed some pretty personal stuff under the cosy anonymity of my usual name. It's long too, sorry.

DC1 is born 5 months ago. In the labour room DH and I agree that we will call the DC Katharine/Kate/Kitty. DH phones our parents to tell them DC's name is Kitty.

I had been thinking Kate might also be a nice variation and text a few friends to say this is the name. My Mum gets wind and asks if it is Kate or Kitty and I say it can be either.

DH doesn't agree and says he thinks DC should have a definite name that everyone uses. When I think about it I agree it is silly for people to call her different names and we agree on Katharine on the birth certificate but to be known as Kitty.

I repeatedly refer to DC as Kitty to my Mum, who continues to call her Kate. This really bothers DH who asks me to put her straight. A few days after I get out of hospital I say to her "sorry for the confusion but we've decided it's Kitty and we want everyone to call her the same thing". Mum replies without hesitation "Well I'm going to call her Kate, that's not a problem is it?" (said in a tone that says there will NOT be a problem). I am still very shaky and emotional and do not want to fall out with her so say she can call her Kate if she really wants to. DH is not happy about this but I beg him not to make me have a row with my Mum as I'm not up to it.

A few days later when I'm feeling stronger I broach the subject again with her and am instantly dismissed again. I am stupidly weak again and leave thinking we have agreed that she can call her Kate as long as she makes it clear to the rest of the family and her friends that her name is Kitty.

Five months on I feel irrationally angry with her over this issue and feel like screaming "IT'S KITTY!!!!!!!" every time she calls her Kate in front of me. This is partly because I'm angry at myself for backing down and not standing up to her and partly because she has completely ignored our wishes and teaches my young neice and nephew to call her Kate, tells all her friends it's Kate and even writes bloody letters to her aged aunt from baby 'Kate'.

I know a lot of you will say this is petty and I know it's minor in the grand scheme of things but I'm going to have it out with her and am interested to know if you think I'm just being ridiculous or if she's being as rude as I think she is.

I find it really hard to stand up to my Mum as if I've ever said anything in the past she gets upset and all "I can't do anything right" etc. So I tend to leave things and seethe in private. She'd say we get on brilliantly btw!!! My parents are very good to us in other respects and help us financially etc.

Am I being unreasonable to insist that she uses the name we've chosen? Have I left it too late now?

The name obviously isn't Kate/Kitty but illustrates my point.

Hello, hope OP still reading!

Our son is called Alexander. We call him that or Alex. We thought about Sandy but decided against.

Anyway, my dad and his girlfriend insist on calling him Sandy knowing I do not appreciate it. I know it is a known shortening of Alexander but it is very different to Alex, sounds nothing like, and I would like them to respect our choice. My view is that my dad had and named four children and I should get to name mine. Not long after he was born I complained about it and he said, and I quote, 'I can call him what I want'. Not in a mean way, but in a laid back why is it a big deal way. I often think about repeating my objection (Alex is now two) but I know I would come against this stop being so uptight daughter type attitude. I wish that he would just think, oh my daughter doesn't like it, I shall refrain, but sadly it seems unlikely and so I don't push it. I can't be arsed making a big deal out of it, even if it is a bigger deal to me than him. Luckily, the rest of my family/friends stick to Alex or Alexander so I guess it will be a special granddad nickname, as another poster mentioned. I guess that is nice in a way but it still makes me itch.

In short, I completely understand your frustration. Completely. But perhaps if it will just cause major hassle it is best to ignore! (I'm still batting).

PS I often imagine saying to my dad 'who?' every time he refers to Alex or Sandy or calling him by his middle name.... so tempting.

My dad calls my daughter George. Her name is Nina

I begin to think that my Grandma was right- she used to say 'it doesn't matter what they call you, as long as they call you for your dinner!'

A1980 - so you're an Ali from Alexandra? I thought our DD2 was alone in that, in the UK anyway. Glad to hear we're not nuts shortening Alexandra to Allie.

AnnieLobeseder sorry haven't been back for a few dyas but yes I was Ali for most of my childhood. I also have a male freind called Alexander whose mum calls him Ali!!!!