The REAL Mumsnet Rules

[LoopyLoopsTootyFroots]

No bumsex on a Wednesday

The real Mumsnet rules are that you don't post a non-Aibu question in Aibu.

If you don't know the difference between an Aibu question and a non-Aibu question then you are not a real Mumsnetter.

If you can't answer a plain Yabu or Yanbu to a question in an Aibu thread then the question simply doesn't belong there. Hth.

I'm sorry Mme but I have a mental picture of you as a latter day ascerbic Maria Von Trapp, not lightly given to bursts of cunt or bumsex.

You must post about anything that can be popped/poked/proded/squeezed and may be a spot/boil/cyst that we can then name. You will be heralded if you can take photo's.

More gross is better.
If you don't like it Feck off to NM pronto and bloody well stay there.

Yes yes.
And if people are having conversations about things like DVDA or other abominations do not click on any links. Ever.
It is a whole world of information you do not need to possess.

(and if you are on your iPad and forget to close links then you will need to be very quick witted when chatting later with your dh. or the elderly ladies on the next table in cafe Nero).

Also never open any link in public. Just in case.

The compulsary answer to 'Shouldn't this be in chat?' is 'lol', and that's in the MN Talk Guidelines under Trolls and troublemakers, breach it, and you'll find yourself with a NM registration.

The Truth.

Never complain about the swearing on mn unless you are attempting to break the world cuntywankchops per minute record

When you speaketh of The Truth, banging a gavel will persuade any poster reading it.

also you are banned if you don't like Pinot's kittens or Pag's house and dog.

"I've been dead twice this month"

Eh?

Also, I must apologise for this AIBU, obviously IABU. Not sure why it's here, thought we were in chat.

"men are the devil incarnate"

we're awesome tbf

www.hark.com/clips/xvnbsbtrsz-white-men-have-it-the-hardest

Loopy, toffee dodgers are vile, that is all

If you are in tech and post
Test: please do not post

...well . Honestly?

Fucking right princess!

MissB
That description has totally made my day.

The Rule of MN is that Things Were Better In the Old Days...blah blah blah Cod blah blah blah.

But I lurked a bit in the old days, and distinctly remember that BD, for Baby Dancing was on the official abbreviation list, and otherwise reasonable-sounding MNers actually used it! I came back a couple of years later and it had been replaced with SWI, so who says there's no such thing as progress?

Bit of a long story Loopy, and I'm not touting my woes for sympathy hugs and biscuits at all so relax but I dropped dead two weeks ago and had to be zapped by the nice paramedics (four times) and my chest had to be jumped on and all that to get me going again, so technically, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth - I was dead twice. And I was swizzed - SWIZZED I say cos there wasn't one scrap of white light, or a tunnel, or an angel with a harp or a loved one smiling or anything! very disappointing in fact. And then I get home to find that all three sons still at home and DH have been peeing happily all over the seat and the bathroom floor but not one of them has managed to pick up a lovely lemony disinfectant wipey thing and bloody well clean up after themselves :| or wash a pot, or do any laundry. I wouldn't care but my youngest DS, age 4, knows perfectly well how the washer works...

Apparently you must only tell someone they are MN royalty if you want to mortally wound them. It's like the kryptonite of Mumsnet.

Oh my God! What happened? (Not the cleaning btw, the incident that led to the lack of cleaning).

at you making it back to us rowena.

Glad you did.

Well I always thought of you as royalty loops

Rowena - well obviously not about the dying twice thing but you know

BD - what the fuck is that? and SWI? still don't know. Am not royalty but have been here regularly in different guises for a good couple of years and never come across that - must be on the wrong thread

Prepare to vomit...

Baby Dancing
and
Shagging With Intent

Call for vomiting emoticon please MNHQ?

And yes, I am ignoring you Queen Agent.

That's very exciting rowena - you are Mumsnet's very own Buffy The Vampire Slayer (she died twice). Don't do it again.

BD is baby dancing
SWI is Shagging With Intent

Both mean fucking with the intent to procreate

Rowena
Oh, scary. What happened? glad the paramedics were on the ball

I wouldn't mind being called MN royalty, but no one has ever done so, or moaned that I have been treated differently from newby posters.