The REAL Mumsnet Rules

[LoopyLoopsTootyFroots]

No bumsex on a Wednesday

And only on MN would you apologise for bad grammar, and not for the use of the word "cunt".

No bums will ever be rolling off my tongue, thank you very much.

If you're just crap at spelling, don't go crying dyslexia.

No fucking txt spk.

In a word: LOL (is that a word? You say it's now recognised in the dictionary? I don't care. NEVER, EVER use it!)

Don't come on AIBU 100% convinced you aren't and then be all huffy when it turns out that 99.9% of posters think you are, in fact, being unreasonable and only converse with the 0.1% that agree with you.

Very bad form.

Don't come on moaning that your DH is a lazy sod and you're fed up cleaning up after him, when you've been doing it for 15 years and you've never discussed it with him.

hehe, I got distracted by the bumsex

Don't use the phrases 'I only asked', 'why is it so cliquey on here?', '.', or 'I only gave them a greggs because MaccyDs was shut'.

Do start threads about threads (for those who can't keep up with the MN gossip and miss threads that've gone poof).

Er, hello, the discussion has gone from bumsex to grammar?!? Are you serious?

And if you're thinking about leaving MN for a bit, please start a thread so everyone can eye roll and judge at their convenience.

Cyberbeeb I know diddly squat about bumsex, but LOADS about grammar!

Cyberbeeb
This is MN. We can talk about both bumsex and grammar simultaneously.

Don't use words like "retard" then tell us that everyone knows that it is just a word, and that it doesn't mean anything and that when you were growing up EVERYONE said it and it wasn't meant like that.

And don't forget to brush up in your MN history. If in doubt plenty MNers will fill you in (not in the bumsex department, but ykwim)

figure out what dragon butter is before resorting to googling. Or asking for that matter.

I prefer anal though I also love cunnilingus as opposed to oral. Whenever someone says "oral" I think of my weird useless french teacher... yeah, I'm drunk too, hope little shucker doesnt want fed anytime soon....

If you have been on a bumsex thread, delete your history, particularly if you have googled dragonbutter. Otherwise your mother/husband/significantother may get a bit of a shock.

DON'T google dragonbutter. Really. Just don't.

Post in the appropriate place:
If you're not asking if you're being unreasonable don't put it in AIBU.
If you're flouncing use the flouncing topic.

leave the bastard

Thought Oral was a toothbrush and Cunnilingus was an airline. The former is better than a rabbit though.

Always ignore/challenge the twatting pedants anyone telling you where/how to post with a father damien (from father ted) 'You're not the boss of me' quote.

Who? Father Frostie?

YABU FFS.

Competitive wealth is banned. Competitive poverty is acceptable, however.

men are the devil incarnate

they should have no say in any matter whatsoever

If I google dragon butter and post pictures of my piles before I complain they're sore on a Wednesday, and liberally sprinkle my obsessively grammar checked posts with Scunthorpe and "Scunthorpe", do I get the biscuits? I could swear I was promised biscuits here! I've done the swearing and everything! AIBU to ask this? It's only because I'm not allowed real biscuits anymore, and No3 son is obsessed with Vinnie the Scunthorping Panda and will now only say biskwits, and the waiting list for speech therapy is a year long, and I WANNA BISCUIT! a chocolate one! if it's not too much trouble :)

If there is any feasible, tenuous cunting way you can get a conjugation of the word 'cunt' or 'fuck' into your post, you must fucking try.