... to think this couple are extracting the urine?

[PreviouslyonLost]

I work mainly part-time, DH works off-shore. Two DC, no family nearby to help out but we manage. Our eldest DC is due to start Primary School and will only be in until noon for several weeks. To accommodate this I have used the majority of my annual leave or ensured that DH is home. Another couple who live locally and whose eldest DC will be starting school at the same time are now dropping heavy hints that we should help them out by collecting and looking after their child (This would be from noon until @5pm/or 3.30pm until @5pm when going in for full-days).

There has been no direct request (yet) but lots of 'it'll all work itself out' and 'we're all in the same boat' type comments . The DW of the couple has also commented to me that they could 'drop off their DC in the mornings' at another neighbour's house - a neighbour that otherwise they do not associate with or even speak to but who is a friend of mine.

The other couple are both Primary School teachers and have been off for the Summer Holidays (47 days) ...... so .... AIBU to think that the week before school term resumes in NOT the time to start thinking about childcare, far less make assumptions that other people should take up the slack?

EldritchCleavage .... I'm thinking Ebola virus

MumblingRagDoll ... so true how assumptions turn into committments ... my whole AIBU in a nutshell!

EldritchCleavage .... just to add ...... tho' measles, chicken pox, at al have NOT deterred the spongers neighbours to date ... think the Ebola Virus might just make them up their game tbh .

Anniegetyourgun ... bless your cotton socks ... but that is a physical and practical impossibilty, and don't the the spongers neighbours know it .

We always have cheeky but classy red/white/rose numbers in stock for those evenings where Pissesglitter 's suggested frolicking with DH may actually occur (rare but delightful) bottle/s in for guests..

Wow they are unbelievable!

WRT the weekend - I would take the bull by the horns here - call on Saturday morning and in slightly breathless tones tell them that whatever they do, do not call over the weekend - that all of you are in succession coming down with the most dreadful tummy bug so whatever you have is highly contagious.

If that fails, when you get the dread question: 'I'm so sorry, I can't. I have a lot of commitments those afternoons, so we won't be around.'

If pushed further, I would honestly have to say something along the lines of 'I'm surprised you've ended up in this situation, I've ended up using practically all my annual leave to cover this period - is there a particular reason you are trying to avoid paying for care over these weeks?'

That's obtuse enough to not necessarily look like you're calling her a sponging cow, but hopefully the point will have been made!!

God, and the visiting thing would have me blazing by now - I suggest a tinkly laugh next time as the wine is being poured and a 'goodness me do you know I have lost count of the number of wine bottles I've opened for us all over the last few months - we really must come over to yours some time'

Hides like rhinos, eh?

OK, time for a change of tack. We need to get these people on the back foot, pronto.

You need to spring a visit on them, tomorrow early (early enough to be really very annoying, not so early they aren't up). Impose long enough for them to get fed up and for you to get breakfast, then whisk your kids off into town for a treat. From about 4pm, just don't answer the door.

Sunday, invite the weirdest people you know over for brunch. Have a massive row with them, chuck them out dramatically. Then don't answer the door.

Would that discombobulate them enough to put them off asking you?

Don't worry POL, you and your DH together can present a united front and knock the inevitable request out of the park.

If the assertiveness tips from earlier don't seem to be making a dent in their rather thick skin, just tell them that this is a problem of their own making and nothing to do with you

ShoutyHamster .... loving your guidance ......tho' bear in mind that these folk are super experienced in the brush-off technique and practically nothing bar total nuclear meltdown and the end of civilisation as we know it would stop them from expecting their gullible friends from taking up their SLACK ....

POL - If your DH is home for the weekend and you don't get to see him much, surely if they turn up at your door, you should answer with "Sorry, we're about to rush out, DH is home for the weekend and we're making the most of it." (As it's supposed to be hot, you won't even have to do the fake putting coats on thing as you'd not be going out in coats anyway).

If they ask directly, you need to stay strong and just say "no." If she starts laying on the guilt trip, you say, "oh dear, you are in a pickle, well, I hope you find someone who can help, but as I said, I can't. Now I really do have to dash..." Don't start offering solutions to them, don't discuss. It's not your problem unless you chose to let it be your problem.

EldritchCleavage .................. nothing short of an end of the World as we know it scenario would stop these people asking/hinting for a favour.

ShoutyHamster ... practicing my tinkly laugh as we type ... haa ha? .... haaa haa ha ha? ........ haaa ha haa? ... any good ? .

MrsKwazii ... the voice of reason ... DH and I are rock solid on this issue, but have a streak of Karma running through both our veins ..... just wish they would ask outright so we can say NO ... and stop the pressure of waiting for their forthcoming emergency request

Oh, FakePlasticTrees, I wish that were but a possibility ... they prey on me and mine/neighbour's .... and expect us to step into the breach ... not because of an emergency but because they simply assume we are all suckers .

Quick check: are you totally sure your DH won't do something dickbrained inadvisable, like offering your after-school services when you're not actually there?

Sorry - I meant not actually there when he made the hypothetical offer.

Well I guess several choices here:

1. Say ok I was planned to use up all my annual leave, so instead I can do Mondays and Tuesday and you can pick up on wed and thursday. On Friday I can't help as I'd like to do something special with my DC on their own. ie offer help but make it clear it has to be totally reciprocal (only if you can cancel annual leave!)

2. Say no, don't what that sort of commitment.

3. Say ok, and babysitting/nannying rate is £10 per hour.

4. Say, I might consider it for someone who'd helped me out over the holidays when I was a bit stuck, but I don't want that sort of inconvience for anyone else.

POL your karma account with these people is way in credit. Have no fear! No surrender!

Right then, you need to take the batteries out of your door bell, stay in the back garden in the sunshine all weekend* and switch off your phone. You want to be able to enjoy your time with your DH when he's home, not be on edge waiting for cheekymare to try it on and you having to stand firm. If you manage to avoid her all weekend, she'll just have to sort something else out.

*this plan only works if your garden can't be seen from the street....

I think foreveronadiet's option 3 might be a bit risky. Then she's employing you, and who knows where that will lead?

If your DC likes their DC, then invite her round for one afternoon after school - that's normal friendship. But I remember how wiped out my (previously full days at nursery) DCs were when they started school, so it would be fair comment to cite the wisdom of MN some random parenting guru and say "We won't be doing any postcards for the first half term, until DC is well settled and I'm sure s/he isn't too tired for it".

"postcards" ?? Sorry, the keyboard must hate the word "playdate" as much as I do.

If it is a state primary in England the law has changed and the new admission and entry code takes effect from September 2011.

This means that all reception children are to be offered a full-time place from the second week of the school year (Monday 12th September).

All schools are required to take reception children full-time from that date, regardless of previous policy on half-day arrangements.

The school may (as ours have) informed parents, alternativley parents can simply ask at the school and then inform them of the date said child will be commencing full-time.

Therefore your neighbour has nothing to worry about regasrding child-care, nor do you, if your happy to have your child in school full-time there is no need for juggling your holiday and hubby's time off.

I think you need to talk to the school about the recent legislative changes, there was also a good thread on here over in the primary education section.

Stick to your guns, OP. I was sucked into just such an arrangement a while ago and I still fume about it now. I don't know how I wasn't able to just say "look after your own child" but I couldn't.

Just before my son started school I was able to change my hours from full time full year (FE College) to 9-3 term time only. A drop in earnings, but with the savings on the full time nursery place we'd been paying for we about broke even. A neighbour who had recently moved here asked me if I could look after her daughter after school for a few days while she sorted out childcare. It took 6 months before she found someone, she just didn't bother - I was doing the drop-offs and pick-ups anyway so why shouldn't I look after her little love? Unfortunately her daughter and my son pretty much hated each other and having both in the house together was sheer hell but my neighbour was saving hundreds of pounds in childcare fees so that's OK.

Even after she got a childminder I was still hauled in when needed. If she had a day off during the week, she always rang me at lunch time and asked me to pick up her daughter as she herself was 'up to her neck in decorating' or housework or something. I'd pick up the children, drop her daughter home and find that what the mother was 'up to her neck in' was whatever was on Sky Movies that afternoon. Never once in the 3 years she lived here did she take my son to school, pick him up or have him round to her house to play. Not once.

Fenella1212 Woah! How did you let it go on so long!

Look, if you want inspiration to stay strong on this you need to ask some seasoned mumsnetters to point you in the direction of a classic thread on all this.

It goes something like:

Lovely mum with a daughter of about 7. Grade A biatch 'Jane' with a son who wasn't even in the same year group, but kept offloading him on her after school. Mum just wanted to spend time with her daughter. One day, urged on by mumsnetters, she said 'No' and that she wasn't able to do it any more. The next day Jane ambushes her in the street on the way back from the school run, shouts at her and tells her that she should have been grateful for the company for her socially-limited daughter! Then proceeds to spread nasty gossip about lovely mum, until lovely mum is taken under wing of other mums who saw Jane coming. Thread winds up with Jane sniffing around vulnerable mum of new child with little English.

They won't be grateful.
They will carry on doing it.
They will take the mick in all sorts of ways.

yy what RosemaryandThyme said!

"Parents will be able to choose for their child to start school on a part-time or full-time basis, or choose a 15 hour place at a nursery or other early learning setting if they would prefer this. A revised School Admissions Code came into force on 10 February 2010 and requires all admission authorities to provide parents with this choice of a school place for entry from September 2011. (from Devon LEA)

School Admissions Code download

They turn up at 8pm on Christmas Eve??
That desrves a thread of its own I think!
Have these people never heard of family time?