... to think this couple are extracting the urine?

[PreviouslyonLost]

I work mainly part-time, DH works off-shore. Two DC, no family nearby to help out but we manage. Our eldest DC is due to start Primary School and will only be in until noon for several weeks. To accommodate this I have used the majority of my annual leave or ensured that DH is home. Another couple who live locally and whose eldest DC will be starting school at the same time are now dropping heavy hints that we should help them out by collecting and looking after their child (This would be from noon until @5pm/or 3.30pm until @5pm when going in for full-days).

There has been no direct request (yet) but lots of 'it'll all work itself out' and 'we're all in the same boat' type comments . The DW of the couple has also commented to me that they could 'drop off their DC in the mornings' at another neighbour's house - a neighbour that otherwise they do not associate with or even speak to but who is a friend of mine.

The other couple are both Primary School teachers and have been off for the Summer Holidays (47 days) ...... so .... AIBU to think that the week before school term resumes in NOT the time to start thinking about childcare, far less make assumptions that other people should take up the slack?

just get her told that you have not seen husband for days/weeks and are planning a family weekend with the kids and a shagathon in the evenings so no visitors
if they have the nerve to come calling anyway just ignore the door

forgot to say just tell them NO if they ask about childminding during term time as your not qualified

What's the worst they can do when you refuse? Seriously.

If they shun you then the whole exploitative freeloading visit thing will come to a stop, so no loss there. They never do you any favours, so you haven't deprived yourselves of any kind of emergency back-up. And they aren't really your friends (because if they were they would treat you better) so no loss there. You'll just have neighbours you don't really have anything to do with. Like everyone else in Britain.

I agree with Madmomma, completely, utterly, totally agree. Stick to your guns and tell her NO. Cheeky cheeky cheeky.

and don't, whatever you do, feel you have to offer anything to them!!! They are taking the piss.

YANBU When mine were at school I didn't mind helping out in an emergency but I would never have committed to anything regular, certainly not from a pair of freeloaders like this. The first couple of weeks especially you don't want to be looking after somebody else's DC. Mine used to be really tired and cranky until they adjusted to the new routine.

YANBU - I think this is to do with "social capital" (is at the right term?).

It means the exchange of favours - not necessarily keeping count for an exact tally, but a general give and take. So children play at both homes - you welcome your children's friends to your house, and they also go out to their friends. Not necessarily strict one for ones to a timetable, but often enough in the group that everyone feels it's being shared. Ditto favours - having children when someone's admin has broken down, and knowing that if yours did you would get the same in return. It's how communities function.

This situation would be so different if the parents were part of the general exchange (eg having your DCs round or taking them all for a day out), and if their CM was out of action (say, illness). You'd be glad to help. And you'd know that if something untoward happened to you, they'd do similar to help you out.

They're just not participating. There's nothing in it for you to help (no stock of previous exchanges to give you any faith in reciprocation).

I would stay impervious on this one. But I wouldn't write them off forever either - their attitude/actions might change once their DC is at school and herself initiates these exchanges (by requesting children round to play). Once they are "playing the game", then it all starts functioning again.

Well done for not caving in!! If you agree to it, you can guarantee theyll be asking to keep them a but longer, on INSET days, while they pop into school to arrange their classroom in the holidays, while they Mark SATs etc etc etc.

You people are simply amazing ... I'm truly grateful for your support, without it I would have committed to being their nanny childcare slave helping them out, forever and ever.

Oldraver .... the reciprocation would not happen, the family are usually sponging off relatives who have nice homes in the U.K and abroad on holiday out of the area/busy the second school breaks up.

Meow75 ... I will continue to hide my mile wide yellow streak and stay strong, thanks .

EldritchCleavage .... Invitations never explicitly extended, matters NOT a jot, they still appear at the oddest times. (8pm Christmas Eve anyone?!).

Rubyx .... I feel YOUR pain, how odd are some people? .... and in your case it's family who are being disingenuous!

Pissesglitter ... what a name J'adore! .... tho' you have just signed me up for 'a shagathon in the evenings" ... DH thinks that's a plan, and then some .

EdithWeston ... called it beautifully ... I agree wholeheartedly, and believe in healthy reciprocation without counting the seconds owed. Just as I wouldn't 'write them off forever' .... they and their DC are part of the local community and despite the parental attitudes regarding their entitlement to free childcare their responsibilities, I will not shun them .

I am reminded of the quote ... 'Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it' .... the neighbours in a childcare pickle could learn something from MN'ers .... you gorgeous folk are welcome to partake of the 'countless bottles of wine and beers' anytime .

You people are simply amazing ... I'm truly grateful for your support, without it I would have committed to being their nanny childcare slave helping them out, forever and ever.

Oldraver .... the reciprocation would not happen, the family are usually sponging off relatives who have nice homes in the U.K and abroad on holiday out of the area/busy the second school breaks up.

Meow75 ... I will continue to hide my mile wide yellow streak and stay strong, thanks .

EldritchCleavage .... Invitations never explicitly extended, matters NOT a jot, they still appear at the oddest times. (8pm Christmas Eve anyone?!).

Rubyx .... I feel YOUR pain, how odd are some people? .... and in your case it's family who are being disingenuous!

Pissesglitter ... what a name J'adore! .... tho' you have just signed me up for 'a shagathon in the evenings" ... DH thinks that's a plan, and then some .

EdithWeston ... called it beautifully ... I agree wholeheartedly, and believe in healthy reciprocation without counting the seconds owed. Just as I wouldn't 'write them off forever' .... they and their DC are part of the local community and despite the parental attitudes regarding their entitlement to free childcare their responsibilities, I will not shun them .

I am reminded of the quote ... 'Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it' .... the neighbours in a childcare pickle could learn something from MN'ers .... you gorgeous folk are welcome to partake of the 'countless bottles of wine and beers' anytime .

Did I really just post that twice? Apologies

Invitations never explicitly extended, matters NOT a jot, they still appear at the oddest times. (8pm Christmas Eve anyone?!).

NO WAY! I think you're going to have to turn them down a few times, just so they get the message you're not runnng a Freeloaders' Entertainment and Hospitality Centre!

soverylucky, because some people blatently take the piss? There is no reason why the can't arrange and pay for their own childcare. After all, that's what everyone else does. And the OP doesn't want to do it, and why on earth should she feel obliged?

EldritchCleavage .... of course there ^were the initial 'you must pop up for a chat, playdate, glass of wine' conversations etc etc etc way back when we were all 'newbies' in the local community ....however, in the intervening 4 years my DH and I have made a LOT of great friends/aquaintances by doing what EdithWeston suggested ... helped where we could and didn't think what's the payback?^, ever. And, I'm speaking as a good neighbour who has just - mid-post - removed a splinter from our dear elderly neighbour's finger .

We ^are tho' the Local 'Entertainment and Hospitality Centre' .... and we love it!!! Just a shame people have to overstep the mark and never question what they bring to the table^, in the metaphorical sense of the phrase .

I don't want to diminish or denigrate those who have a ^real^ struggle when childcare becomes an issue ....just mounting my highest horse when it comes to a financially secure couple who in all respects are able to think ahead with time to spare, but don't give a flying monkey's chuff actually as there's always some other sucker to fix their problems .

Come next summer holidays ^I^ will have the problem of 7 weeks of childcare nightmares, however I will also be the one who has tried to plan ahead from @New Year and have it covered as far as is reasonably possible.

Slightly off topic, but my school-gate mum friend announced her neighbour basically knocked on her door this morning, DD in hand, expecting my friend to take the child to school 'because she was going anyway.'

The nerve of some people

God just say no...I stupidly told a friend of my DDs Mother that I could occasionaly...in an emergency...look after her DD after school ON WEDNEDAYS only and in a week she had asumed I would do it EVERY wednesday!

She fell out with me over it!

Nothing wrong with being habitual hosts-my sister is like this and genuinely enjoys it, and of course most people greatly appreciate it. I completely agree about not 'keeping score' and expecting recompense all the time.

soverylucky ..... I'm one of those sad sacks that huff and puff about the expectations/responsibilities of other people, whilst secretly thinking 'poor things, how can I help?' ... I'm a sad sack ... guilty as charged .

Glastocat ... ^backbone insertion support appreciated ... This is the acme and accumulation of expectations from this couple, and while I sweated, cajoled, changed, begged, used 99% of A/L, risked future bollockings from my employer ... I got MY child care covered ..... while working in a stressful job, DH away much of the time, no family support .....I could go on .... versus a couple who clearly chose to assume^ that other people would step in without any notice/reciprocal arrangement/offer.

At the risk of repeating myself .... I am sg it because I ^know^ at some point in my precious weekend I will be put on the spot by this couple (whilst their children are wrecking my house and the adults are quaffing some fine red wine !!!!!

Why in the name of all that is good and right can I NOT get my Italics to works on this? AAarrgghh.

YOU MUST NOT HAVE THEM OVER THIS WEEKEND. Tell them you've all got impetigo. And nits. And measles. Or something!

I sent mine full time for this reason. Too much of a pita otherwise.

I think it's time to strategically run out of alcohol.

WilsonFrickett .. 'school-gate mum friend ....her neighbour basically knocked on her door this morning, DD in hand, expecting my friend to take the child to school 'because she was going anyway.'

.....and I think I've got problems?! .

It is NOT that I wouldn't help out, I go the extra mile and then some even when it's not expected ......... it's the assumption that is driving me, and my equilibrium, out of the stratosphere ...........I have spent MONTHS stressing about/planning/ensuring MY DC would be adequately cared for when DC1 starts school ... only to be knocked sideways by the attitude, dropped hints/heavy hints/insidious pressure/ soon to be direct request that I look after another child to the detriment of my own family .

YAAAYYYY ... italics work....finally