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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think this couple are extracting the urine?

667 replies

PreviouslyonLost · 18/08/2011 15:55

I work mainly part-time, DH works off-shore. Two DC, no family nearby to help out but we manage. Our eldest DC is due to start Primary School and will only be in until noon for several weeks. To accommodate this I have used the majority of my annual leave or ensured that DH is home. Another couple who live locally and whose eldest DC will be starting school at the same time are now dropping heavy hints that we should help them out by collecting and looking after their child (This would be from noon until @5pm/or 3.30pm until @5pm when going in for full-days).

There has been no direct request (yet) but lots of 'it'll all work itself out' and 'we're all in the same boat' type comments Hmm. The DW of the couple has also commented to me that they could 'drop off their DC in the mornings' at another neighbour's house - a neighbour that otherwise they do not associate with or even speak to but who is a friend of mine.

The other couple are both Primary School teachers and have been off for the Summer Holidays (47 days) ...... so .... AIBU to think that the week before school term resumes in NOT the time to start thinking about childcare, far less make assumptions that other people should take up the slack?

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 21/08/2011 16:59

Have been watching (and learning!) and am now Envy of your bug balls, OP!

I can be a bit of a walkover myself, but in the last few years I've started to get righteously indignant, which has led to me refusing to do things that don't suit me, and the relief once you have said "No!" is wonderful.

Keep strong!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 21/08/2011 17:00

Obviously meant big balls Blush Unless yours are actually made from cockroaches...

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2011 17:09

sorry - impressed with the way you're handling it so far OP

thefirstmrsrochester · 21/08/2011 17:15

Have just read thread - what a fekking nerve those folk have.
Even if you don't hear from them today, I wouldn't rule out a last minute 'our childcare fell through' emergency phone call in the near future.

thefirstmrsrochester · 21/08/2011 17:19

Oh, POL, if you crumble, you run the very high risk of being saddled with this kid till the end of primary school.
Stay strong, say no, and good luck for your dc tomorrow.

ssmile · 21/08/2011 17:20

(pulls up chair to await dramatic showdown :) seriously gd luck I really feel for you when you should be staying calm for DS last night before school. My DD starts in couple wks time too.

Zimm · 21/08/2011 18:45

I am imaging the conversations going on between this couple:

User 1: Has she cracked yet?
User 2: No - we're going to have ask her directly
User 1: Ok you do it....
User2: No you...

Etc..

HotSummerNights · 21/08/2011 19:19

Have just read the whole thread.

Will be getting the popcorn ready tomorrow after I've done the school run.

POL don't give in.

musicposy · 21/08/2011 19:27

Well done for saying no to their plans! I'm sure that they think if they ask your DC out you will feel more indebted to them and they can use it as a reason for you to "reciprocate". Good on you for not falling for it and showing those balls!!

Hattifatner's suggestion about school nights is a great one - and actually perfectly true. You don't want them wound up after school and on the nights beforehand. School is tiring at the start and Sunday nights need to be calm start to the week and an early night. You can make this as early as you like when the neighbours come round!!

So you have the perfect excuse this evening - and for a long time to come!
Good luck! I'll be waiting eagerly tomorrow to see what happens (is irrationally excited about someone else's DC going to school) :) Keep showing us those balls!

Teachermumof3 · 21/08/2011 19:40

Well done so far!

Can I just clarify-do you think they want you to have their child from noon-5.30 (ha-like I am home from teaching to collect my kids by then!) solely during the 'transition' first few weeks. Or do you think they want you to have their child from noon-5.30 for 3 weeks, and then from 3.30-5.30 FOREVER? Surely school hours won't come as a shock to them?

Also, what about the mornings? Who will take them to school? I'm generally out of the house by 7.30/7.45-have they mentioned their plan for that?

I'd go with the whole-'I'm a SAHM not un unpaid childminder' line!

echt · 21/08/2011 19:41

Hmm...looks like they're going for the breathless doorstepping routine for Monday morning.

hairfullofsnakes · 21/08/2011 19:52

chipping in you cheeky mare putting in all those dots! They make me itchy! Wink

Hallelujah! POL's balls are growing nicely!

Lettinggo - aghh what a nightmare you describe - is that piss taker still your 'mate'? I can't believe the liberties some people take - no fucking manners!

ShoutyHamster · 21/08/2011 20:07

Hah still watching this one too. Well done so far OP!

If there's a direct request, if your balls have grown enough to contemplate it - you could try a really shocked look - a real mouth hanging open - and then after a pause, 'But...but...we assumed you didn't approve of ad-hoc arrangements like this, or even playdates. You've never offered once to help us out when (OPDH) has been away even though you've seen me rushed off my feet over the summer holidays. You've never offered to help out with ours with so much as a playdate all over the time you've been both off work. So we've never asked you. Sorry, just not comfortable with that kind of arrangement, our friendship has never seemed to take in those kind of favours - at least that's how it's seemed so far. Maybe next summer, we could plan some reciprocal assistance in time to take up some of your annual leave, but I'm sorry, you've missed the boat this summer. I already have several favours I'm returning for others, so my timetable is full. Sorry.

Fenella1212 · 21/08/2011 20:11

I wonder what they've told their child will happen tomorrow? When mine started school he liked to talk to me about what time we would leave the house, what time I'd pick him up and what we could do after school, just general chit chat but he felt better for knowing. Wonder if they've told their kid that POL will be picking up, or if the poor little sod is totally in the dark?

LydiaWickham · 21/08/2011 20:20

Do you think they think they've already agreed it with you???? It seems so late that they must have some plans in place, they could have been assuming you for so long they haven't realised they haven't actually asked you yet!

CaveMum · 21/08/2011 20:21

[shameless lurk]

Blueberties · 21/08/2011 20:31

That's it Lydia - they're actually going to turn up and pretend it's all been arranged. Oh my goodness. That's what they'll do.

plupervert · 21/08/2011 20:36

Nice one, ShoutyHamster.

warthog · 21/08/2011 20:36

the stomach lurches

warthog · 21/08/2011 20:38

shoutyhamster, that is awesome, in the original sense of the word.

i wish i had you whispering into my earpiece at crucial moments.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 21/08/2011 20:40

OP needs to be practising tomorrow morning rebuttal too.

" No I can't we have a full car already"

" Oh dear what a pickle it's not convienent, what you really need is a childminder! I think I have a web link I can email it too you later but as I said we're a bit busy right now"

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 21/08/2011 20:44

OR maybe just " NO you've had all summer to sort this out what the bloody hell do you think we've been doing whilst you've been swanning around with NOT ONE offer of help, you can piss off back under the rock you crawled out from "

or maybe the more traditional mn closure of

" fuck the fuck off and when you get there fuck off some more"

I think that would really solve your problems on a longterm basis.

CeliaFate · 21/08/2011 20:52

Get out of there as soon as you can tomorrow OP and if you see them/hear the doorbell (lock it for Gawd's sake!) put your coat on and open it after an age, looking harrassed and say "Can't stop, I'll speak to you later. BYE!"

ShoutyHamster · 21/08/2011 20:58

Like your first one Doris Grin

Tomorrow morning OP - doors locked, gates locked, no way for them to stroll in. No answering doorbell. And in the evenings too. 'We found we were getting so disturbed! Gotta knock that on the head now it's school nights. You did? Oh! Doorbell must be broken. You heard it? Oh well sometimes I get moments of total deafness, I never know when they're going to come on. It affects my balance too. For that reason, I am actually banned by court order from looking after other people's children during the school year. Not a lot of people know that.'

Grin
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 21/08/2011 21:04

Loving this thread. PoL, once this one is over we'd love more entertaining stories!